Help

Hi
I need help, my fiancé has bipolar & is trying to push me away. I need her to realise I love her for her & an sticking by her PERMANENTLY no matter how I'll she is.. 3 yrs we been together, were going to get married, 2 years ago she had a terrible tragedy & has been diagnosed bi polar. She had PTSD but now is really not well. I love her more than life. I hate being powerless, if I could take this illness and have it myself instead of her having to suffer I'd do it in an instant.. I want the girl that was madly in love me back,I'm lucky if she speaks to me now. I feel as of iv done somthing wrong bit all ov done is support her from day one.. Of anyone can help me, please do as I'm loosing control of myself.. I love her more than life :-( thank you

The very nature of bipolar is that our moods shift and we almost become different people. Then after the shifts or as a result of medications, we really aren't quite like we were before. I mean our basic self is the same of course, but how we view and feel about things changes.

You sound like you have been trying so very hard. Maybe back off some. Send her flowers instead of demanding she talk to you??? Write her letters? But you can't make someone feel or behave in a way they don't want to. I wish you luck and my heart goes out to you both.

Iv given her so much space to get well. Iv never asked her to talk to me or ever tried to get her to anything appart from support her. She is currently in a clinc, has been for 3 months & is in a rehabilitipn housing init now getting her heady to come back onto the community. All iv ever done is support her and be there if she needs me. I'm constantly there and she knows that. Iv told her as much space as she needs she can have & as long as it takes I'll be there for her. I do t know what to do?

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Iv never demanded anything & never will. I love & respect her more than life. Bi polar is part of her now and I love her no matter..

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call me an asshole but it won't get better, yes you;ll have good times, but it won't get better.

Well there's no harm in trying. I'm NEVER going to abandon her through a so called LABEL! If as you say "it won't get better" well I best get used to living like this PERMINANTLY because I loved her before she got I'll so no way am I going to let her down now some doctor says she has bi polar..we all have up & down days, just her constantly.. I canine with that but can't live with her thinking I'm going g to abandon her..I'm all she has left in the world. That's how bad things got..and will co to use to be LOYAL to her..I come on here for productive answers not people having a bad day and deciding to tell me that EVERYONE is going to be the same. Thank you though

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First, you are a wonderful man and we need more people in the world like you!

The nature of Bipolar is cyclical and when she goes back on an upswing you'll see the woman that fell in love with you. If you're willing to stick by her you have to be prepared for this type of behavior. It will always be up and down.

My husband has PTSD - you might want to research that. He's hypersensitive so I have to be careful how I approach him. When I'm in the midst of a Bipolar cycle I forget that and my mean, viscous side comes out.

Have you tried to talk to her? She may be pushing you away because she's scared of losing you and no amount of reassurance from you is going to convince her. Your actions will speak louder than words. Keep loving her and hopefully she gets well enough to show you that love in return.

When I was at my worst I didn't care about life itself and I certainly couldn't handle the pressure of trying to make someone happy. I tried my damnedest to push my husband away but luckily for me he's stubborn as hell.

Hopefully this reply helps you in some small way.

Sending many hugs and wishing you both the best.

Thank you magicsmom , I think your right, she is trying to push me away thinking that I am going to leave her bit that is where she is so wrong. The girl I fell in love with is still inside there somewhere,I just have to be patient and let time take it's course..as for tried talking to her, she won't talk to me at the moment incase she treats me with hostility. I totally understand that & I respect whatever she wants & will stand by and support her I. Any way possible. She communicates to me through a third party,she is in the rehabilitation stages of coming out of a clinic, their getting her ready to come back into society. She was a dependant self sufficient person when I met her, now she has no value of money, when she goes on a manic episode she goes on spending sprees, she is type 2 so it's dangerous when she goes on a high.. She dosent get so much depressed,she just can't cope with life on life's terms..there are seriously deep routes issues with her that I'm not prepared to talk about on here. Somthing so bad happened 2 years ago she went Into a clinc where she had cognitive therapy, that opened up doors in her mind that shouldn't have been touched. And that is making her seriously struggle with life..she was such a nice Loving ,caring, happy go lucky girl when we first met she was everything I could ask for & more. She still is now but seems to think that she isn't,I loved her then & I love her now. I always will regardless of this terrible Illness.. She needs to realise that..she has gone so insecure and has such wild thoughts about me I really don't know where their coming from as I wouldn't DREAM of leaving her.. Infact I would die for her, I would swap places in a heartbeat if I could just so she could be happy again and not afraid..the only way she willies me is if I die & that isn't happening anytime soon."TOUCH WOOD" as I'm only 35.. She has a good life, a loyal fiancé own home all waiting for her, but she is so scared she will lose me she would rather keep away from me if that makes any sence?,, she loves me & Iove her but the longer she don't speak to me the harder it's going to get for her. We are both hurting inside due to being appart. Both of us have a dull ache in our chest, and that can be solved if we are together.. I don't understand it? It feels as if iv done so thing wrong but all iv done is love. & support her.. I miss her so much it is horrible.. I even feel it inside when she's having a bad day or when she's hurting that is how close we were /are.. we are eachothers first love aswel which makes being apart even harder.. What can I do to reassure her?? Pease help, I sometimes cry myself to sleep, then the day after I get told that she also cried herself to sleep." Even though were apart "temporarily" we feel eachothers pain. It is TOTALY unbelievable unless you see it for yourself..I didn't think it was possible for things like this to happen. I get the odd glimpse of the old her but it's gone as fast as it comes..she needs to accept she's ill maybe that will help her? Rather than trying to fight it.. Sorry if iv gone on but it is ongoing & I haven't spoken to anyone about it.. Thank you

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Btw, I am more than willing to stick by her for as long as it takes..and I am going to. :-)

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You are a wonderful person and she will need support. Stay strong for her and research this disorder and it's manifestations as best as you can. It is incredibly difficult to deal with for her (it is for me) and relationships are hard when you are constantly dealing with mood swings and vicious harsh and crushing thought patterns. Plus her stress issues from her past.

It sounds like you are doing all you can. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist yourself that has a lot of experience with her issues to help you cope??

Thank you & yes I am doing all I can, but it feels like not enough :-( .. I have seen been seeing a therapist myself, he reacons I'm stressed out & on the limits of a breakdown.. I could have told him that..I'm a councillor myself and is so hard to turn off because I'm personally involved with her . I wouldn't dream of counselling her though.. All I can do is be there for her right now,as I have been for the passed 2 years. We've been together 3 years, the first year was amazing and we both instantly fell in love, we are eachothers first real love..I dont care how long it takes her, I'm constantly telling her to focus on herself & not to worry about me as I'm not going anywhere..I Iove her for her, good & bad...just wish I could do more to help her but I'm powerless..

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