[almondjoy]

My husband doesn't get it. He says he likes to 'call me out' when I'm being irritable - he's says he's holding me accountable so I stop acting like a b**** and start controlling myself. Then he pulls out his phone and tries filming my reaction to show my pdoc. I feel like he's just making a spectacle of me right now because he sits there and tells me how ridiculous I'm being.

I can't take this anymore. Every time he takes a step forward with understanding my condition, he takes 10 steps backward by acting like he knows everything. He pretty much says he wants to make me feel bad in situations where I feel like I can't even control what's coming out of my mouth. He knows my medication is in the middle of being changed and that I'm trying. But it gets so hard. I just feel like giving up on everything when he can sit there and laugh at me and make it out as though I WANT to be like this and that he needs to "call me out" when im doing something he sees as wrong. Far out, I can't be happy, I can't be sad, I can't be irritable. It seems all these things are just a problem to him. He knew what he was getting into when he married me, but I just don't feel he tries to understand.

I hate this and don't know what to do. I want to pack up and leave, I feel like I'm crashing down and I just don't know what to do. I can't see my pdoc until Wednesday because he's away..

As you've described it, your husband's behavior toward you is not appropriate. It sounds like he is very frustrated with your moods and actions - or he's just a jerk. Either way, constantly calling you out and videotaping you (!)...nah, not healthy ways to communicate with you. LAUGHING at you is dead-wrong. Do you see a therapist?

[almondjoy]

Originally Posted by Sister Rags

As you've described it, your husband's behavior toward you is not appropriate. It sounds like he is very frustrated with your moods and actions - or he's just a jerk. Either way, constantly calling you out and videotaping you (!)...nah, not healthy ways to communicate with you. LAUGHING at you is dead-wrong. Do you see a therapist?

That's the thing, he's not a jerk at all - he's really caring and tries to understand, but when situations happen like this, I feel like he thinks saying this kind of stuff is going to make it better. Instead it just makes it worse. I don't want to make him look bad by this post, because he has also been really supportive - but sometimes he just goes on about calling me out and saying things that just make me feel even worse. I think he thinks laughing at me and videotaping and calling me a kid is his way of making me see how childish I'm being, and I try to tell him (even when I'm not having an episode) that it is what he shouldn't be doing, but it's like he thinks he knows how to fix everything. He's coming with me on Wednesday and it might be good for him to hear my pdoc explain things to him. I am still looking for a good therapist....

It's great that he's going with you on Wednesday. I think that will help both of you a lot.

[littlemiss44]

It's not his place to try and show you what you are doing. You know yr self how hard it is for yr self already. I don't like the fact that he laughs at you...that really bothers me. I hear you that he is really good to you but his bad behavior needs to stop. It's good he's going to the appt with you. When he treats you this way does he even listen to you when you say it hurts you instead of helps you? That's the key to this whole thing. He needs to truly hear yr pain and what his behavior is doing to you.

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[r010159]

Sounds like a person trying to control another person in a situation that is very overwhelming to them. I have had this type of behavior myself, but different situation. I was desperate. Looking back, I was acting like a jerk. But I did not mean to come across this way. I do not see myself as a jerk, even though I can act that way at times.

I think if your husband had a support group to go to and was further educated about this mental illness then he may begin to understand you more. But he should never belittle you with his laughter or attempts to film you. That's only making things worse. I wish the both of you the best

[BipolaRNurse]

Well, I don't find anything even remotely OK about your husband's behavior. It is emotional abuse and it is NOT all right for him to do these things. Videotaping you and making fun of you when you are hurting isn't funny, let alone helpful, and he needs to stop it!

Perhaps marriage counseling would be in order along with therapy for each of you individually. You both need to understand that his treatment of you is inappropriate, and he needs to learn healthier and less mean ways to cope with your illness. I am hopping mad just reading your posts---if I were there I'd punch him right in the nose. He doesn't get to be an @$$h0le just because he can't deal with your moods.

[LUNARMIST7]

As the spouse of someone with bipolar, I can tell you that he will not get better until HE decides to fully accept your bipolar. Sounds like he enjoys playing the victim though, hopefully things get better, but probably not until he wakes up.

[almondjoy]

Thanks so much guys. I think he just has no idea how to handle it and thinks it's his place to "pull me into line". I guess he probably is stretched thin because of my moods over the past year. He's learning..I just need to remind myself that. And LUNARMIST7, thank you for your reply. I honestly don't think he has fully accepted it - for ages he told therapists (that are trying to help me/us!) that he doesn't believe I have bipolar, that it's just that I need to work on coping skills and that I've been believing a lie. It's only been recently he's said he's seeing that I am unwell, and I just hope that he begins seeing that I'm not intending to be like this. Thankfully he's coming to talk to my pdoc this week which should help.

[InTallGrass]

I hope the pdoc visit helps. I agree with the previous posters and I'm sorry you're having such a tough go of it right now. Thinking of bringing my S.O. along to an appointment soon, too. We tried couple's counseling once and I think it would have been very beneficial had we continued (or found a therapist we liked)! It's really challenging how partners respond sometimes. Mine made a comment the other day that was supposed to be helpful but it really annoyed me. Partner: "Should I be writing down your agitation level right now for your pdoc?" It really rubbed me the wrong way, though I know no ill will was meant--it's just, my partner has never written anything down before for my pdoc and it just came across as a little passive aggressive!

I hope he backs off this week and that the pdoc visit is helpful.