I love my current boyfriend and he's great to me but lately since I've been becoming more depressed and angry I don't feel like talking to him. At those times I want to be left alone, however he wants me to talk to him how I feel but I don't want to talk to him every single time I'm upset. After awhile I've been beginning to feel like I'm relying on him and I've been noticing it. Now I want to break this vicious cycle, I want him to help me yes and support me but he can't save me every time I'm upset. In the past I always went to all my boyfriend's every single time I was sad and never dealt with them on my own. Now I want to deal with them on my own. However anytime I'm doing my own thing he ends up questioning me sp what have you done to make yourself feel better? Anytime he ends up mentioning this, I think to myself, "Oh wow thanks for reminding me." He may not mean anything by it, but it's like I sometimes feel like he doesn't think I can do things on my own or that I'm not capable. In the past yes I relied on my past boyfriend's and I did with him for awhile but now I want to become independent and not always rush to him anytime I'm feeling depressed or having a mania moment. It's not up to him to save me and make me feel better every single time. Am I being harsh about this? Yes I love him but anytime I go to him, I feel like I'm becoming a burden on him but he insists me to come to him but for once I'd like to deal with things on my own. I'm really confused here, can you please share you're thoughts with me on this. Him and I have a great relationship regardless but this has been bothering me lately. So what should I do?

[Trippin2.0]

Idk what you should do, but I can share what I do...

I used to rely on my bf heavily in the past, I would break, he would fix me. I would break again, rinse repeat cycle...

At the end of the day, he was burnt out and my borderline monster was fed nice and fat. It wasn't pretty for either of us. We actually split up.

When we got back together I decided to keep my shyt seperate from him. It took a long while, probably a year, for us to find a new middle ground (ollld habits, formed 10years before dating, so it was a challenge) yet slowly but surely we did manage to create it.

See I didn't want a caregiver anymore, I mean its not like I'm cripple, and learning to take care of me without his help has been reallly empowering. When I want to deal alone, I tell him I need alone time, and he backs off. When I just want to be held, I communicate that too. But as for what's going on in my head? I rarely tell him unless it affects him in some way.

Granted, we will probably need to adjust this strategy once we're living together, but for now it works for both of us.

So, idk what you should do, but doing what's right for you is rarely wrong...

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

When I want to deal alone, I tell him I need alone time, and he backs off. When I just want to be held, I communicate that too. But as for what's going on in my head? I rarely tell him unless it affects him in some way.

Granted, we will probably need to adjust this strategy once we're living together, but for now it works for both of us.

Great advice. I learned this after trial and error, and apply a similar strategy to friends and family. Previously, I used to feel that people could save me, and that oversharing was a marker of closeness. Now I know that it isn't true, and there's a lot that I can deal with by myself.

This doesn't make my relationships any less close -- rather, without the codependency I used to create, my relationships are stronger.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by psychehedone

This doesn't make my relationships any less close -- rather, without the codependency I used to create, my relationships are stronger.

Yes, yes omg yes! My relationship has never been stronger and healthier than it is right now

Yes I think I'm going to start keeping some things from him, especially things that I know I can work out on myself. If I constantly go to him every time I'm upset I know I won't get any better. There's times he wants me to be open with him and talk to him about my feelings cause he wants me to be honest with him but I told him what I think is best for me.

It's really hard for him to understand cause he cares so deeply about me, but I told him in the past I used to rely so much on my other boyfriend's and eventually they ended up breaking up with me due to it. He told me he would never abandon me, I know he's trying to be supportive and I appreciate it, but I told him there's times where I want to deal with it on my own and I think he understands but deep down I think he's hurt cause he feels like I don't need his support any longer.

Just don't like constantly telling him about the sadness I feel inside every single day, it gets very tiring for me. My moods swings has been changing constantly and my sadness is getting worse due to my medication, but I'm planning on getting it changed soon cause it's making my mood swings much much worse.

[Broken Robot]

I like everything that's been said so far. I also want to add that when I'm depressed, anyway, it makes it harder to see my situation objectively. I think you may feel like a burden, but he probably doesn't see it that way at all. It's hard to see a loved one suffering and not help!

My husband wanted me to share everything. I always keep everything inside. So for a while, I did. It stressed him out. I think average people don't understand what goes on in the minds of people in the midst of a manic, mixed, or depressed episode. Anyway, I've dialed it down.

[Victoria'smom]

usually go " babe, I'm in a crappy mood, I need time, please. Know I love you and this will pass."

[Standup2me]

Right on Miguel'smom.
My bf totally understands when I say that I have to be alone
It took a while to teach him that this is not directed at him,
it is simply something that I need

[tljim]

Just be open and honest about things. I think it will get worse if you start hiding things from him. Just let him know that you need to do somethings on your own. Thank him for loving you and being supportive of you. You sound like you are getting stronger as an individual. Keep it going!