down in it

Does anyone look at stuff they did while feeling more stable and just think, wow? I did that???

I have a bunch of folders of bookmarks cuz only about a short month ago, I was on fire to start a business of my own and researching all kinds of things. Now I could barely even be bothered to glance at them???

So heartbreaking. I'm waiting for the break and for the 'me' underneath all this apathy to reemerge. So frustrating. Just wondered if any of you could relate.

I feel like that quite a bit. I think about what I was able to do when I was much more stable than I am now and makes me so sad.

I look at it and know that, that's really me. Then I look in the mirror and see this person with bags under her eyes, the lack of sparkle and the look of absolute pain on her face, not to mention the extra pounds because of meds.

I saw that stable person for about 6 months last year. Felt great, loving life, planning to return to work and everyone was proud of how far I had come.

And now it's back and I'm devastated...

Yeah...I am started sooooo many project and hobbies, only to loose them on a downswing and pick up a new one on the next upswing...while in the middle I just kinda exist...play video games, read, etc.

My goal is to one day write a novel, if I can get past the first chapter I might be able to complete one...one day...gotta get stable and find the motivation though...I have a HUGE motivation problem due to low self-esteem brought about by nearly 40 years of starting things and never finishing them...so why even start, cuz I know I won't finish it...right? Bah!!!!!

For me it's been more of a gradual decline, not so much specific to being in an episode. I got really sick a couple years ago, and i've never fully recovered. I am functioning pretty high, but compared to how i used to be it's not very good. I used to think quickly and more creatively, and i didn't miss anything. Now it's a struggle to concentrate and learn new things, and i feel like most people are smarter than me. When i compare myself to how i was 10 years ago it's even more noticeable. I worry that i will continue to slip, until eventually the deficits will be so great that i won't be able to work anymore. I think it's cognitive effects of years of untreated bipolar, made worse by getting severely ill, and compounded by meds. I don't think other people notice the change unless they have known me for a long time. But i notice it, and it really bothers me. Also, my functioning was worse recently when i was depressed, but it's a little better now.

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These past few months (since about February) have been hellish for me. I don't really know what I've been, but mixed sounds right. I had a few weeks where I felt really good, almost normal, but now I'm thinking I might have just been swinging up.

It's just frustrating and the meds aren't working.

It sometimes happens to me too. Take a break. Then start again whenever you are ready

Anyone dealing with this can definitely I know I can chin up itll happen

Been feeling this recently- in a happier time I agreed to go to Mexico with my sister ( I know, poor me), but now I''m very depressed and I'm terrified to leave the house and family. I cry about it everyday. I want to be strong enough to go, but I'm scared that I'll keep with the depressive episode and make everyone miserable. I"m devastated that my life is so driven by this hidden illness. I'm tired to being anxious- I want to be free and have a good time. Any thoughts or advice?

All I can say is doing is usually better than not doing?? I don't know because I don't feel like a confident decision maker right now. The fear is controlling and I'm unsure how to take the control from it.