[Elbers]

Hi everyone I live in Maine. I was dx with Bipolar II about 3 years ago after many years of being misdiagnosed. I have been very stable for 2 years on Abilify and Lexapro. Small ups and downs but nothing serious. I did gain about 50 lbs after starting Abilify after having my weight stable for about 10 years. Then last year I was dx with Thyroid cancer, so now I have no Thyroid so another 15 lbs have been packed on.

I have been so stable, that my Pdoc and I discussed trying to cut back on the Abilify, I was on 20 mg, a good size dose. We were hoping it would help with the weight gain. This was about 6 weeks ago that we started a dose taper. Then my Neurologist, who handles my migraines, added Amitriptyline about a month ago after I had a 9 day migraine. My Pdoc thought it was ok because it was only 25 mg, but I kept having migraines and so the Amitriptyline was doubled to 50. Can anyone guess what comes next?

I went into a tailspin. I'm all over the place. I stopped sleeping even though the Amitriptyline is sedating. And I started spending money. And I didn't tell anyone because I kept thinking I could cover it up. My husband is SO mad at me. I started crashing 3 days ago. Crashing hard. I haven't been this depressed in 4 years. I feel like I can't go for help because I am a licensed foster mom to my grandson and I am afraid DHHS would find out I am not stable. My husband just rolls his eyes and looks down his nose at me. I am talking to friends that understand though. And I am just trying to get through one hour at a time.

[BipolaRNurse]

Please call your pdoc ASAP, or go to the ER if you don't think you can hang on through the weekend. You HAVE to get help---how can you care for other people when you yourself need care?

I'm assuming you were bipolar before you became your grandson's foster parent. Does DHHS know this? If so, they probably wouldn't yank your license for seeking help. In fact, I think they would approve---you're smart for recognizing you need it, rather than trying to bluff your way through your current episode. But you don't have to volunteer this information, do you? Is there some requirement that you have to report getting help for psychiatric issues?

[foreverbp]

I agree, see your doctor ASAP and if you can't keep yourself safe, go to the ER. Keep your family and friends close while you go through this difficult time.

[littlemiss44]

Getting help is a very positive thing to do! Don't be afraid for problems with dhhs...it sounds like you need help asap. I would call yr pdoc Monday morning. You probably won't be able to get in right away but leave a detailed msg that you need help right away. My pdoc has an assistant that I can talk to...does yrs? If so talk to them about yr current state of mind. Dhhs would be more concerned if you didn't seek help. They really have no way of finding out I don't think. I'm so sorry that yr husband isn't being more supportive. Keep talking to yr friends until you can get help. If it gets really bad I would go to the er. Good luck hunny. Hugs to you.

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[Capriciousness]

I second calling pdoc ASAP. And what I always try to remember is that it is always better to take control and responsibility as soon as you can to get help voluntarily even a voluntary hospital stay than getting so bad you do things that are worse and get hospitalized.

You are in a really tough spot. I hope you get stable again soon. Hugs to you.

[Elbers]

Thanks everyone for your responses. DHHS does know my Psych history. I was able to get licensed because I am very compliant with treatment, with my meds and I had been very stable. I also am a recovering alcoholic and I have been sober for years. Both my Pdoc and my therapist wrote letters for me in support of me getting my grandsons. I'm feeling skittish about getting help because a friend of mine has a case right now and every single thing is being used against her both in a custody battle with her ex and by DHHS. I have an appt. Monday with pdoc then appt. Tuesday with therapist. I don't have to tell them the information, and seeking help when needed is a strength. I don't want to end up in a hospital again.

Today is not as bad as yesterday. I can call the helpline and talk to them anytime. I know I will not leave my kids with the baggage of having a mom who killed herself. I won't do that to them. I will go to a hospital first.

[swheaton]

Hi Elbers. I'm from Maine too. Reach out for help. If your compliant and your grandchildren are well taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. Your health is important.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Elbers, and welcome to Psych Central! I hope you can get stablized again soon.