day 6 of 56...

Victoria'smom · Jul 14, 2014, 09:52 AM

Im already home sick and think im going into a mixed episode. I can't take my AP and i have no help. I'm vaguely suicidal and feel like my body was pumped full of caffeine. :'( any ideas of what i can do before this gets out of hand? Or is this just restlessness from being in the car for 6 days and being home sick? Weird thing is I'm having fun.

TheatreKid · Jul 14, 2014, 10:16 AM

Why can't you take your AP?

Skitz13 · Jul 14, 2014, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Im already home sick and think im going into a mixed episode. I can't take my AP and i have no help. I'm vaguely suicidal and feel like my body was pumped full of caffeine. :'( any ideas of what i can do before this gets out of hand? Or is this just restlessness from being in the car for 6 days and being home sick? Weird thing is I'm having fun.

I think It's probably a combination of things but you well know that this is a very stressful time for you with probably no support and that will effect you.

I have no advice really, try and stay focused if at all possible.

Thinking of you

Victoria'smom · Jul 14, 2014, 11:38 AM

Ap makes me sleep all day and looked drugged the rest of the time for a couple of days

Mrs. Mania · Jul 14, 2014, 12:34 PM

Have you tried taking 1/2 your ap?

BipolaRNurse · Jul 14, 2014, 02:41 PM

Take your AP. You do much better when you're taking it, and God knows you are under enough stress right now to make even a neurotypical go bonkers. Take it early in the evening so you can get your full night's sleep and still be functional the next day. It shouldn't matter if you "look drugged".....this isn't a beauty contest, it's about getting (and staying) well enough to meet the challenges you're facing. Stay on your meds!

~Christina · Jul 14, 2014, 02:58 PM

Yes ! Take your AP. You said part of your "plan" for this whole trip was taking your meds correctly. Follow the plan that you, your Pdoc and T figured out.

pawn78 · Jul 14, 2014, 05:02 PM

No offense meant, but you seem like the most non-compliant person I have ever met when it comes to your RX. Lol!

I agree, take your meds.

Jul 14, 2014, 06:45 PM

If I felt like my body was pumped full of caffeine (I'm assuming that feels negative to you) I'd take the first AP I could get my hands on. The "drugged" feeling wears off after a few days.

Victoria'smom · Jul 15, 2014, 08:37 PM

I am taking my meds. Ap is optional and new pdoc didn't even want to proscribe it to me. She asked if me and my T got along. My husband had to pretty much beg. I do generally take my meds but it's been a crappy couple of months. Part of it being stable mood wise but nowhere near sain. I stopped taking the AP because it made me gain weight through content thirst.

. My dad is already getting on my case about even taking psych meds and how if my husband got a job I wouldn't be stress. How side effects are worse then the illness and your body will eventually fix it's self. Blah...blah..blah.. looking drugged is not a good option. I'm already being reminded how horrible I eat and i so want to retaliate but that won't solve anything.

I flipped **** on my husband through text after writing my first post here and threatend not to come back. So i know im not well. I know i need to take it but i gained 4 lbs in 6 wks.i really don't think i can take 4+ lbs. More. I wish that i was better at explaining because i know if i could I'd be doing bettet but my AD is an AP also. So I'm going to try 1/2 tonight because it is a beauty contest :'(

pawn78 · Jul 15, 2014, 08:50 PM

Gaining some weight is not the end of the world. One trick I learned is to fill up your stomach with vegetables and lean protein. You can live on this stuff without anything else, and it is almost impossible to gain weight on this diet.
You can basically eat endless amounts of vegetables and never gain weight, as the calorie-to-food volume ratio is tiny. (Avoid salad dressing though).
Also, lean protein, like lean poultry, fish, skim milk, etc. can keep you healthy without extra calories.
(I'm a bodybuilder, which is why I know all this crazy stuff)

The only downside of this diet, is that since it has hardly any carbohydrates in it, after a few days you will start craving carbs like they are crack-cocaine. Lol.

anyway, it IS possible to take your AP and not gain weight, absolutely possible. And if you do gain some weight, so what? You are still awesome!

Eat lots of veggies!

~Christina · Jul 16, 2014, 01:20 PM

I know your very concerned about any weight gain ..trust me I know oh gawd i know !!!!! "Try" to quiet that monster down and for "now" just take your AP and once you get settled in your home you can deal with the weight... You know you will lose that weight so fast you wont be able to blink twice.

Right now you need to hold it together , Take your AP

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2014, 06:23 PM

I took it the night before but not last night. I'm going to take it again tonight but my intake is taking a hit for this. The stupid thing is i can't seem to convenience myself that i can loose the weight.

~Christina · Jul 17, 2014, 08:28 PM

You know you will lose it ... You have been dealing with ED for a long time.. You know how it works ... For now just use your AP , you really need it during this rough tough situation your in .

*hugs*

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2014, 11:38 PM

I will take it but isn't it harder to lose the weight.?

Blitter2014 · Jul 18, 2014, 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I will take it but isn't it harder to lose the weight.?

Not trying to be dramatic, but better to have weight problems and still be functioning than falling in a heap and not functioning at all. One step at a time. Sounds like right now you have so much on your plate that in order to cope one or two things are going to have to be sacrificed. Don't be too hard on yourself about the weight gain, I'm sure those around you who love you are not concerned with the weight. I know if I spend six days in a car not eating home cooked meals I would put on weight for sure!!

Hang in there, be prepared to make some small sacrifices, but most of all look after your mental health, everything else can be fixed or tended to when things settle down.
hugs and kind thoughts be with you

Victoria'smom · Jul 18, 2014, 03:55 PM

I'm hating this. My cousin noticed and said something to me.i didn't know how to respond so all i said was I'm good. The AP completly takes my personality away.

~Christina · Jul 18, 2014, 04:02 PM

I know this is very hard for you .. It would be hard on anyone !!

I know you doubt your ability to lose that weight ... MM you have been anorexic a long time... You know how the monster lies to you and makes you feel the need to do and feel things ..

You will lose the weight . Right now the most important thing is for you to get thru this rough time with out losing it and becoming paranoid and "losing yourself" ..... Its okay for you to take the AP .. you need it right now . Just go day by day taking your AP ... Where you are moving is where i use to live LOL .. I think you will like it there ... Lots of things to do .

Just breathe and take your AP

Bipolarchic14 · Jul 18, 2014, 08:31 PM

Sometimes I write anything that is on my mind down on paper to try and make sense of things. Then I destroy it so no one else can see it. Exercise more. If you are taking any form of caffeine stopping this will reduce your anxiety to a more controllable level but keep in mind the withdrawal will hurt for a few days. I also try to go into my own little world as weird as that sounds. I imagine I have all the money in the world and I travel around to all the different places. Sometimes these help me... Than again sometimes they don't...I hope you feel better!

pawn78 · Jul 18, 2014, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm hating this. My cousin noticed and said something to me.i didn't know how to respond so all i said was I'm good. The AP completly takes my personality away.

Well, hopefully this temporary. Maybe when things settle down and aren't as stressful, you won't have to take your AP.

Victoria'smom · Jul 19, 2014, 12:46 AM

Christina i think I'm going to have to read that every day.

I can't write anything to destroy. I'm stuck in the car 6-24 hrs a day. But good news ive gone to the Kentucky horse farm, horse show, the rock arches, grand canyon, rocky mountains, Vegas, & the hover dam.

Blitter2014 · Jul 19, 2014, 02:28 AM

Hugs to you

Just because I can

Bipolarchic14 · Jul 19, 2014, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Christina i think I'm going to have to read that every day.

I can't write anything to destroy. I'm stuck in the car 6-24 hrs a day. But good news ive gone to the Kentucky horse farm, horse show, the rock arches, grand canyon, rocky mountains, Vegas, & the hover dam.

Okay I feel bad that you are in a bad place, I am too so I feel your pain....but all this aside, I am really jealous. I have always wanted to take time of to go around the country sightseeing. I was actually just talking about that with a coworker yesterday.

I definitely understand what you mean by having a good time but still get depressive thoughts. I am the same way. I don't have to be stressed sad etc and I will get strong suicidal thoughts. The therapist calls them automatic thoughts but these thoughts seem logical and can be really strong and convincing at times. I hope you feel better.

~Christina · Jul 19, 2014, 05:11 PM

Oooooooo

Lucky you seeing all the beautiful sites across out great land ! Enjoy every moment ! I hope you are taking lots of pics and can share with us

Victoria'smom · Jul 20, 2014, 12:25 PM

Couldn't take AP last night so i didn't sleep. I'm definitely having racing thoughts.AP has still left me without a personality but atleast i did okay around everyone at the wedding. Next is Usemity then yellow stone. Yes i am taking a ton of pictures to share.

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