Really Confused

I don't know what's going on, but recently (particularly at work, and I work as a waitress), I haven't been able to organise my thoughts well and think about what I'm doing/been missing random bits off orders even if I write them down. I was really scared and severely anxious a few weeks back incase I was going to get fired as I read all the 'signs' that my bosses were pissed off with me etc. That ended with me crying down the phone to my parents, then hiding in my bed. I calmed down after that, and was okay for a few days.

But now the last few shifts I just can't focus again, if I get stressed by one thing I lose the plot, I can't kick my brain into gear. This is just a job I'm doing over summer until uni starts again (but I need the money). Yesterday was bad because I asked them outright if I was going to be fired, and they said no, but I don't trust them. I just can't get my brain to kick into gear, I missed my pdoc appointment last month as I thought I wasn't ill, and I forget to phone the psychaitric nurses to tell them I could attend that. I was supposed to start meds but I didn't want to, so I didn't, and I have no idea what's going on with that, I thought if I didn't show up it would be okay because I wouldn't have to be ill anymore and I could just try and get on with it like I always do. Now I'm just scared I'll get fired because I feel f--king incompetant all the time, and probably am.

Sorry for the post, just has anyone else had this? (also m diagnosis is BP2 but I get psychosis with that).

Dear Twigs92,
You will benefit by going to see doctor, getting on meds, staying on your meds, and treating yourself with firm but gentle care. If you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to achieve your goals.

Make the appointment! Give yourself a chance! Things will work out. Give yourself that chance. You can cope and function better on meds which help you balance. It gets better. You're going to be ok. Go to the appointment.

Gentle push, big hug. You can do it.

Regardless if you feel you are better or not, you need to see your pdoc. If you have this disorder you have to be treated. Our minds can play tricks on us. A good streak does not mean we are cured.
The symptoms you seem to be describing needs a doctors attention.

Make and Appt and go see your Pdoc ..Your struggling right now and pdoc can help you .. Do you have a T ? If not your should it will really help .

There is hope ... Just reach out for it

I will make an appointment with my pdoc but I really don't want to go on meds. She'll only recommend Seroquel, and I know AP's have weight gain as a side effect but I really cannot handle that. I'd rather take moodswings that being hungry and tired all the time, with weight gain as a side effect :S.

I'm going to make an appointment with my pdoc, thanks for this as I wouldn't have thought of it as I don't want her to be angry that I haven't started meds.

I will, I don't know where to get a therapist. I know the university I'm at offers couselling but I think that's just in term time. I was going to look into it when I got back though. I'll try, I just really don't want to be medicated.

There are weight neutral AP's out there .. Geodon, Latuda to name a couple ... Its ok to tell your Pdoc your problems with weight gain.. weight gain is very unhealthy .. But you have options.

Just be honest with your pdoc .. You do have a say when it comes to what medications you will and wont take ..Its your right to do so.

meds are really helpful. Before I got onto the right meds, I would get into states where my mind was flitting around so much, I couldn't focus. It takes a while (4-6 weeks) for a medication to start working so don't expect immediate results. Be kind to yourself. Do see a pdoc but don't worry, this will improve as you get onto the proper medications. Best wishes to you. We have all been where you are!

I will make an appointment with my pdoc but I really don't want to go on meds. She'll only recommend Seroquel

You cannot wish your symptoms away. So I recommend working with your pdoc in finding medication that you are more comfortable with.

I keep asking to try something else, she just keeps telling me Seroquels more weight neutral than the others and I don't believe that.

I will, I have an appointment for the 3rd of September, I'll try to hang in there until then, but I have the number if I can't, thank you.

I'm going to have to, its been awkward because I have had an ED that I'm not completely over and that's really preventing me from trying anythin with weight gain listed as an issue. They gave me an appointment by the 3rd of September so unless it gets really bad again I'll hold on til that. The only problem is that is my mum's birthday. I'm just worried incase an AP sedates me, makes me put my guard down, and I gain loads of weight from it without realising.

Ive gained 30 lbs from seroquel. I hate the way i look. What could i suggest to her abt changing meds. I dont know what i hate worse, feeling crazy or being fat