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#1
Apr 20, 2014, 12:15 AM
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A new one to start off again....
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"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
 maryjain lockhart
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 charo224488, swheaton
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#2
Apr 20, 2014, 03:33 AM
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I guess I'm the first to post to the new thread.
It's night 3 of no Saphris. So far my mood is staying stable, and I'm not having any withdrawal symptoms other than insomnia. I was up until 6 am last night, and managed to sleep 4 hours. Now it's 1:30 am and I'm pretty wide awake. If I don't start sleeping this could turn into a disaster. I'm hoping I'll be able to stay off this med and stay well. My pdoc thinks it's a bad idea, but I feel like I have to at least try.
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| maryjain lockhart, Mental reward, nushi
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#3
Apr 20, 2014, 04:41 AM
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I am feeling just horrible. I have been like this for a while. Now tonight I read info on this site about Borderline and I am worried that bipolar may be the wrong diagnosis for me. There seems to be a lot of overlap between the two.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sad&Bipolar Bipolar l WellbutrinXL Abilify Lorazepam PRN TMS alternative therapy 6/19/14 to 09/25/14 |
| charo224488, maryjain lockhart
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#4
Apr 20, 2014, 08:21 AM
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Stayed up late last night fell asleep on my mother-in-laws couch got home stayed up for a bit them went to real bed at 1ish this morning. Now its 9 am. I don't really want to be up, but no choice i'm awake now. Yesterday I had a mini breakdown while my wife and I were hiking in a national park. I really hope that tomorrows pdoc appt my first in a long time goes well and can lead to something being "fixed". I want to know what is wrong with me for sure and for it to be fixed. I want to be better and not feel like I'm all over the place. Baby steps I have to keep reminding myself, tomorrow is just a step. Its not going to be fixed in one visit with any dr. At least its a step in the right direction.
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| maryjain lockhart, swheaton
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#5
Apr 20, 2014, 09:24 AM
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Still depressed but am glad to be getting out of the house to go to Easter mass and then to my brother's.
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| charo224488, maryjain lockhart
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#6
Apr 20, 2014, 01:00 PM
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Still feeling somewhat stable. I've been separated from my abusive husband for 5 years so I'm tentatively sticking my toe into the dating pool. I had a first date last night. We went to a movie. He seems very nice. I'm scared to tell him I have BP2. His daughter has BP1. He may freak and run away from me. Would it be a terrible thing to tell him I have cyclothymia instead? I feel that my BP is pretty well controlled on my current meds.
Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk
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Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
| Grateful703, HoneyBack, maryjain lockhart, swheaton
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#8
Apr 20, 2014, 06:55 PM
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Not stable. Need to get back to mood charting. Need to do many very important things, but immobilized by overwhelm and fear. By even the least of them. Disproportionate irritable outbursts. Agitation, sometimes to the point of desperately wanting to crawl out of my skin, and writhe on the ground unto expiration. One night, coinciding with so wanting to be glad, because BF was talking on interesting things. The kind of conversations I enjoy, but I couldn't keep track. Mind was in total scattered overdrive and body was in squirm. Feeling like a POS in nearly every way. Almost walked out of work the other day. 40 minutes late another day. The list goes on...
I'm tempted to say mixed. But also hesitant to, because the one of 1 1/2 years ago was of such massive proportions, that to use the same word seems wrong.So let's go with agitated depression. Surely stress-triggered. Each facet a novel. Big decisions. Paradigm shifts. Provider dilemmas. Physical appts (after years of inaccessibility while falling apart). Mental appt. with a lot of big topics. Son (21) having mental symptoms scaring him enough to summon up the courage to call (the mother who knows "crazy" first hand after all) to talk about them. A week ago, I signed papers beginning the disability process. Of course involving admitting -- to strangers-- the extent of my problems. But I finally have to acknowledge it. I can't do it, and trying to is destroying me. It's time. I have nothing to lose anymore. |
| frozen4now, HoneyBack, maryjain lockhart
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#9
Apr 20, 2014, 07:37 PM
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Strange thoughts and feelings continue and it's approaching the danger zone. Imagined hitting a pillar on the highway with my car again. Felt real. But they're not my thoughts and feelings it's coming from outside of me somewhere. Like the last time and I don't know who or what or why but it's not safe. I have glass and I will use it and I don't want to and I wish whatever it is would leave me alone.
So I buckled down and took the Seroquel. I hate the side effects. But I can't lose my life or my freedom. Just my mental freedom. Bothersome.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| maryjain lockhart
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#10
Apr 20, 2014, 08:30 PM
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It's day 3 off saphris, and i've been sleeping 3-4 hours per night. I am feeling a little anxious, and i can't shut my brain off to rest. I'm wide awake, but i have no energy or motivation to do anything. I should study, but i'm too unfocused, i don't think i can even concentrate to watch TV. I'm not sure if this is all saphris withdrawal, or if this is the start of an episode, or if everything is fine and i'm just worrying. Not sure whether i should just start taking the med again or whether to push through.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| maryjain lockhart
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#11
Apr 20, 2014, 09:05 PM
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I'm getting a dog!!!!!!
I am ssooooooo happy I'm getting a dog |
| Curiosity77, maryjain lockhart, shortandcute
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| charo224488, Phoenix_1, Roblovescats
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#12
Apr 21, 2014, 09:51 AM
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Depression lingers. I'm tired of the same crap, different day routine but feel powerless to change it. Each day just drags on so . . .
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| maryjain lockhart
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#13
Apr 21, 2014, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
I don't think you are obligated to tell anyone anything that you are uncomfortable with. I wouldn't say anything for a while, until you see where the relationship goes. And if you want to say cyclothymia, there's nothing wrong with that! Good luck to you!
__________________
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| maryjain lockhart
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| Phoenix_1
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#14
Apr 21, 2014, 10:14 AM
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So sad today- not sure if I prefer this or the emptiness. Don't even know why I'm sad. Probably crashing again, which is terrifying and exhausting and I just want to sleep. This is not a life.
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| Anonymous37807, maryjain lockhart
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#15
Apr 21, 2014, 10:20 AM
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Anxiety is super high today. Get to meet my psychiatrist for the first time in about 2 hours and 45 mins. I'm ready for this to be over with. I'm not sure what to expect since my therapist isn't in his office to update everything for him.
 Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
| maryjain lockhart
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#16
Apr 21, 2014, 12:38 PM
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Going to meet with my pdoc of ten years. This is good news! I am going through waves of minor depression. So the Lamictal seems to be working. But I have episodes of agitation. Maybe an increase of Zyprexa is warranted?
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| maryjain lockhart
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#17
Apr 21, 2014, 02:56 PM
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I am feeling sad and agitated. But I have allot of emergy. I am right now at my pdoc office. I hope this goes well.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone Last edited by r010159; Apr 21, 2014 at 03:24 PM. |
| maryjain lockhart
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#18
Apr 21, 2014, 03:53 PM
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Starting lamactal tonight lowering seroquel to once a day staying on' viibryd and buspar. Fingers crossed this works. The dr who took my intake is leaving at the end of may though so added anxiety when I have to go to the dr again. He was nice. Seems to agree with my pcp though about the bipolar. We'll see.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
| maryjain lockhart, wildflowerchild25
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#19
Apr 21, 2014, 04:35 PM
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Well my doctor increased my zyprexa and pxed trazadone for sleep
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| maryjain lockhart
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#20
Apr 21, 2014, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin |
| maryjain lockhart
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#21
Apr 21, 2014, 05:59 PM
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The sun is shining
It is 15 (celcius) outside I can see green (well sort of green) grass All is right in my little world today |
| maryjain lockhart
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| Phoenix_1, wildflowerchild25
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#22
Apr 21, 2014, 06:14 PM
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Really just want to scream curses. Too many intrusive thoughts. Really feel in danger but holding on to hope in the form of Seroquel. Hoping my therapist lets me go home without speaking to my husband. Still haven't told him any of the craziness.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, maryjain lockhart
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#23
Apr 21, 2014, 07:01 PM
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......been having mixed episode lately but feeling the depression winning out
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"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Anonymous45023, maryjain lockhart
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#25
Apr 22, 2014, 08:29 AM
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I've been feeling really down this week; have been mostly just wanting to sleep, and haven't had much interest or motivation to do anything else.
Have a weekly medication group appointment with my two pDocs and some other patients today; not really looking forward to going, because I'm not looking forward to reporting how poorly I'm doing. Often when I'm doing poorly, I feel like I've failed. But I know I need to go...sometimes it really sucks that although it's not my fault I have this disorder, it is my responsibility to deal with it. Some days I just wish someone else could fix it instead. But I know that's not going to happen. So...it's off to the appointment with me.
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Bipolar I / GAD, 40mg Latuda, 150mg Venlafaxine XR, 300mg Wellbutrin XL, 2 mg Clonazepam |
| Anonymous37807, Anonymous45023, frozen4now, maryjain lockhart, shortandcute
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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