I feel lost

Hi Everyone-
I just recently started coming back to PC after being away for a while.

I was hospitalized in November for my depression and it was then that I was diagnosed with bipolar. I have been doing better. My pdoc has me on lithium and lamictal and last week I started the emsam patch for my depression. Well, my depression has gotten worse. I feel like I'm back to square one. It seemed like for awhile that I might actually be doing better and now I don't know. I feel so lost. I called my pdoc's office this morning to tell them about the worsening depression and then he called me back, but told me it probably wasn't from the patch and to keep using it. I trust him so that's what I'm going to do. However, this depression is so bad. I feel like something has sucked the life out of me. I've been sleeping a lot and I am so irritable and can't seem to focus on anything or get anything done. I am so afraid that everyone around me will just get tired of having to deal with me like this.

Thanks for letting me vent. I also have trouble with self-injury which gets much worse when I am like this. So, I'm trying to write my feelings and thoughts out.

I just want to not feel so alone in all of this. It is such a scary place to be. I keep having dreams of having to go back into the hospital and it scares me to think about it.

Thanks for listening...
valerie

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down... I know how you feel. I was depressed horribly for over 8 years. It wasn't until I stopped all antidepressants that I started to get better. I take lithium, Lamictal and most recently, Seroquel, which is the best thing that has happened to me. I feel that many BP-II's (depressed most of the time) do not benefit from anti-depressants, and they may actually cause cycling and more depression.

No matter what, though, stay in close contact with your doctor about your moods. If you're still feeling bad, call! If you're feeling bad again in a few days, call! They can't help if they don't know.

If there is ANY way you can make yourself, excercise. This is probably the most important thing that you can do for yourself. I know how hard it is to do... there have definitely been times when there was NO way I would get out and do it, but you gotta try.

Just remember, you WILL get through this. It may take a while, but you WILL do it! We're all here to help.

DJ

Thanks so much for the reply DaveyJones.

I forgot to mention that I am also taking seroquel. I have also heard what you mentioned about ad's and how they can actually make bipolar II worse. I had been off ad's for awhile but my depression has been so stubborn that my pdoc decided to try the emsam. I really hope he is right and that it isn't going to make things worse.

Exercise is a good idea, when I was in the hospital we exercised everyday. They really tried to get it in our heads to exercise everyday even if it was just walking in place for a while. I have a treadmill and I should be using it, but my energy level is zapped. Still I'm sure it would help. I am so ready to at least have warm weather so I can get outside and enjoy the days...I feel like I should be hibernating right now!!

Thanks for your support---
valerie

Hi Valcat,

I'm so glad you're back with us.

Give the meds a chance, but definately call your pdoc if you're no better in two days. Davey is right. He can't help if he doesn't know there is a problem.

Exercise will help. I know how horrible even the thought of it sounds when you're worn out from depression.

Keep talking to us.

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks for the kind words January!

Today has been a really bad day. I think I'm going to have to call my pdoc back tomorrow. I just feel like I'm being trouble. I don't know if it's the new med (emsam patch) or what really. My depression has just gotten progressively worse since last week and it is really scaring me. I feel like I've taken some HUGE steps back from where I was and I don't know what to do.

I can't even function very well right now. I'm just trying to get through the day and then I don't want to go to bed for fear of the next day.

Thanks to all of you for your support. I feel so alone but it helps to know there are great people like all of you out there.

--valerie