want to go off Zyprexa

Back in a stage of hating my life. Triggered by this weeks dbt homework asking us about our hopes and dreams. For me i have none. Almost everything i try i fail at. Jobs school...

Hate myself tonight. Want to eat the cat and jump an electric fence

Ugh more muscle spasms again

Watching loveboat. Man overboard! Oh no!

A friend who is a behavioral pharmacologist says that haldol and thorazine have a higher rate of tadif diskinisia

I will preface this by saying, obviously we are all different, and some May never experience certain side effects etc etc. I was put on haldol following a hospital stay..it worked great to level me out quickly and I stayed on it for about two months..I started experiencing akathesia..I would pace and pace and pace uncontrollably. When I was not at home pacing, I just looked like a 4 year old that's about to have an accident..it's a bummer sometimes when a med works bit then all the side effects come to bite you like a rabid dog. Haldol I did not gain weight. I did gain weight rapidly on depakote and only took it a month. Most recently I stopped taking it a month ago. I was put on it following a hospital stay in March. I lived how stable I felt initially, but that for me only lasted about 5 weeks. Which I endured physical side effects that were so difficult and painful from the beginning..to be left with hair loss weight gain and acne. I was also much too sedated and confused all tge time. Anyway, for me lithium and depakote seem to make ur body hold onto some lbs. or tons in a short period of time.

Good luck!! It's totally worth it!!

Oops. I almost forgot about tardive dyskinesia. My neck would twitch and I'd have eye and hand spasms. Just like, hey why did my arm just shoot up like a puppet? a lot.. That was on haldol. Eh try it

I took a long walk with my youngest son today. Got a shower. Feel refreshed but its way too early to go to bed: only 5:30.

I wonder if these muscle spasm in my belly are td

I got up late so im not tired yet. Pretty calm here tonight. Daughter staying the night at her friend's. Hope her phon battery keeps up.

Group therapy tomorrow. Did my homework but dont know how well i did it.

I feel like it would be nice to have pneumonia

WTF ? Why would you want pneumonia?

Or maybe influenza. But pneumonia sounds better with fever and coughing.

Again...... why the hell would you want to be sick?

Fever is warm and fun. Wrapping up in bed is nice. Coughing would be nice. Be in bed at home or maybe the hospital. Breathing treatments. Antibiotics. I had the flue a year and a half ago. High feverb. BOdy aches. Watched tv and slept it off. Something about the achey lungs i guess. I already have asthma.

Im sorry I dont get it .. Unless your wanting attention and being sick is a way to get it??

You can wrap yourself up in a blanket and watch tv anytime.

I dont get it

No its not for the drs its just to lay in bed at home and feel the pneumonia.

Im in bed watching tv in a blanket right now. Its not the same.

So you like the feeling of being sick with something dangerous like Pneumonia? That stuff can kill you especially with having asthma.

Went to group. Not very helpful.

Pretty much.

I went to groyp today and it wasnt that helpful. Sitting at starbucks with my friend.

Maybe its just another form of self harm.

Im hating my life today. Dbt triggered me. Im hating this module.

Also ive decided that should i ever need to i will refuse crisis residential services and demand the mental hospital instead.

Zyprexa might have to go. I might take them every other day. Its mean to me.