Idk, I just feel so uncomfortable around fellow bipolars. I feel very comfortable with other ppl that have been through psychosis, though. I love sz ppl so much. But bp ppl sometimes annoy me, but it's only been since the psychosis I had 3 yrs ago. No offense meant towards anyone.

Could u guys be gentle with me and welcome me? If not I'll just stay in the sz and psychosis forum. Well actually I could never leave there, they are the most interesting ppl I've ever met! But I'd like to feel part of this community too. am I welcome here is the question...

[OutlawedSpirit]

Of course you're welcome here.

[wildflowerchild25]

You're welcome here! Many of us have experienced psychosis as part of our disorder too. I have. But if you don't feel comfortable we understand that too. But just know you are totally welcome here.

[widgets]

I often feel I fit in more in the BPD forum. But would like to fit in here as well as I was previously diagnosed bipolar before bpd and found the bipolar forum very helpful and supportive then.

I suppose it's like the real world you get used to our email group of people and feel comfortable in their company, it doesn't mean other groups are less supportive you just have to get used to it.

I find that with bipolar users they usually have ever such a lot of experience on all topics, psychosis, relationships, anxiety, depression as bipolar is so varied person to person.

I am sure you (and I) can fit in and find support here as well as supporting other people.

[tigersassy]

Like everyone else had said you are welcome here. This ids a lovely group of people too get advice or a listening ear (eye) from. So welcome.

[Hobbit House]

be welcome

Thanks everyone. I feel so different now since the psychosis. So much has changed. I'm not as on top of things and I used to be. And I used to have spot on intuition, now I have a hard time trusting myself. I used to be so confident....so much has changed.

Anybody relate? Idk, how much is the meds and how much is that I completely lost touch with reality for a bit, lol. Also, not to dismiss anyone, but I think a lot of people with bp think they've been through a psychosis when really it's just a mixed state. Those are horrible but, a psychosis is losing COMPLETE touch with reality.

Anyway, I get more paranoid now too, it sucks!

[Double Edge]

Welcome I'm new here and everyone who has had the kindness to give me feedback and share their stories with me has been extremely welcoming. I think this is a great, safe place to share your feelings and know at least one other person probably understands or sympathizes with how you feel. Not being alone with this really helps me, because aside from 3 close friends and my husband, I fear telling anyone else due to potential stigmatization or lost opportunities academically/professionally. I'm really thankful for this community, even though I only just joined.

[wildflowerchild25]

I can relate to just not trusting yourself after psychosis. After my first run with psychosis I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because it was mania induced by SSRI. So I thought if I just stayed away from SSRI I would be fine. Plus that psychosis wasn't that bad - I thought that someone or something was implanting thoughts in my head, but that was all.

But then in April I had a real psychotic break. Thought people could read my mind and wanted me dead, etc. and that was all on my own, no SSRI. Just my regular medication trileptal. Everything has changed since then. I don't trust my own brain not to bring me back there. I've had brief moments in times of high stress since then where I've had thoughts that I've doubted could be real (like the television sending me messages). It's unnerving knowing my own brain can and will turn on me. And right now I'm so scared of it happening again I will do anything to keep it away. I'm worried about the pain the invega injection is causing me but I'm too afraid to tell my pdoc because I'm too afraid to be taken off of it.

Everything has changed now. I know how sick I can get and it isn't pretty. I don't want to go back there. So I understand what you mean. Thankfully I have a good support system and I can tell people when I'm having weird thoughts so they can reality check me.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I can relate to just not trusting yourself after psychosis. After my first run with psychosis I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because it was mania induced by SSRI. So I thought if I just stayed away from SSRI I would be fine. Plus that psychosis wasn't that bad - I thought that someone or something was implanting thoughts in my head, but that was all.

But then in April I had a real psychotic break. Thought people could read my mind and wanted me dead, etc. and that was all on my own, no SSRI. Just my regular medication trileptal. Everything has changed since then. I don't trust my own brain not to bring me back there. I've had brief moments in times of high stress since then where I've had thoughts that I've doubted could be real (like the television sending me messages). It's unnerving knowing my own brain can and will turn on me. And right now I'm so scared of it happening again I will do anything to keep it away. I'm worried about the pain the invega injection is causing me but I'm too afraid to tell my pdoc because I'm too afraid to be taken off of it.

Everything has changed now. I know how sick I can get and it isn't pretty. I don't want to go back there. So I understand what you mean. Thankfully I have a good support system and I can tell people when I'm having weird thoughts so they can reality check me.

Right on! You totally understand what I'm talking about. My psychosis was really intense as well. It's a really long story, but it was terrifying. I didn't eat or sleep for 5 days and even in the hospital it took days for me to sleep. I'm taking risperdal again bc recently I was getting really paranoid again. I'm only taking 1 mg, but should be taking 2. I take the melt in your mouth ones. My psych nurse is ok with me using it prn. I can take 1-3 mg a day, but I'm so afraid of weight gain...Ugh, it sucks!

How is the invega working? I really hope ur doing better.

[Nightside of Eden]

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

Thanks everyone. I feel so different now since the psychosis. So much has changed. I'm not as on top of things and I used to be. And I used to have spot on intuition, now I have a hard time trusting myself. I used to be so confident....so much has changed.

I completely relate to this. During my last breakdown at the beginning of this year I made some terribly stupid decisions that had some dire consequences. It really damaged my confidence and I've struggled with day-to-day decision making which used to be very easy for me.

Also, not to dismiss anyone, but I think a lot of people with bp think they've been through a psychosis when really it's just a mixed state. Those are horrible but, a psychosis is losing COMPLETE touch with reality.

Well, there are levels of psychosis. I've never completely lost touch with reality, but I've had delusions which were strong enough for me to act on. I've seen other people have full psychotic breaks in real life three times now, and really view it as a continuum.

[Victoria'smom]

Psychosis is scary and. tramatic. My therapist helpeanyd me a lot with that issue. Do you have a therapist?

Originally Posted by Nightside of Eden

I completely relate to this. During my last breakdown at the beginning of this year I made some terribly stupid decisions that had some dire consequences. It really damaged my confidence and I've struggled with day-to-day decision making which used to be very easy for me.

Well, there are levels of psychosis. I've never completely lost touch with reality, but I've had delusions which were strong enough for me to act on. I've seen other people have full psychotic breaks in real life three times now, and really view it as a continuum.

That's an interesting way to look at it. I'll ponder that for awhile. thanks for that insight.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Psychosis is scary and. tramatic. My therapist helpeanyd me a lot with that issue. Do you have a therapist?

Well I've been through some other really terrifying traumas. I'm gonna be trying to get back into therapy again to work through the many traumas I've been through, including the psychosis. But honestly so far I haven't had much luck. It's complicated...My psychosis was related to my traumas...

Once I get more comfortable here maybe I'll open up about it all...

Thanks though.

[wildflowerchild25]

Invega is keeping me relatively stable. I'm still cycling a little bit but it's less intense and I've got a lot of personal stress playing in to that so I can't expect to be totally stable anyway. And it's keeping all strange thoughts away. Geodon didn't do that. Geodon allowed me to recognize my thoughts were unreasonable but didn't keep them out. That's why I don't want to go off of it. If I did have to is to back on risperdal but like you it made me gain like fifteen pounds in three weeks. I don't want that. I'll take it if I have to though because I just can't do the psychosis again. It was terrifying. I'm taking on a lot more responsibility at work this school year and I can't afford another hospital stay, nor can I afford to be a quivering paranoid mess. I don't know how I held it together last year at work. It wasn't until I went on spring break that things got totally out of hand, probably because I didn't have to pretend anymore.

I hope the risperdal works to keep the paranoia at bay for you. It's the worst.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Invega is keeping me relatively stable. I'm still cycling a little bit but it's less intense and I've got a lot of personal stress playing in to that so I can't expect to be totally stable anyway. And it's keeping all strange thoughts away. Geodon didn't do that. Geodon allowed me to recognize my thoughts were unreasonable but didn't keep them out. That's why I don't want to go off of it. If I did have to is to back on risperdal but like you it made me gain like fifteen pounds in three weeks. I don't want that. I'll take it if I have to though because I just can't do the psychosis again. It was terrifying. I'm taking on a lot more responsibility at work this school year and I can't afford another hospital stay, nor can I afford to be a quivering paranoid mess. I don't know how I held it together last year at work. It wasn't until I went on spring break that things got totally out of hand, probably because I didn't have to pretend anymore.

I hope the risperdal works to keep the paranoia at bay for you. It's the worst.

You're very strong. To be able to maintain all that you have takes courage.

Have u had any side effects from invega? Bc my psych nurse told me that ppl gain weight on it just like with risperdal, but I've had ppl say that they didn't.

Stay strong.

[wildflowerchild25]

No I haven't gained weight. The only side effects seem to be a lingering lethargy and pain at the injection site. The pain is worrying me because it goes on for a long time after the injection - I mean my arm is still tender now and I got the injection two weeks ago. But I guess I'll just bring it up in my appointment on Friday and see what she says.

Yeah, like others said, many of us have dealt with delusions and psychosis.

Thanks everyone that took the time to respond. I really appreciate it.

I'm starting to get worried. The last couple of days I've only slept 4 hrs a night or so.

So last night I took my meds early and fell asleep, but now it's 4 hrs later and I'm wide awake again. Whenever I star lacking sleep, it means I'm heading in a bad direction.

I took more benadryl and doxepin, hopefully that will work...

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

No I haven't gained weight. The only side effects seem to be a lingering lethargy and pain at the injection site. The pain is worrying me because it goes on for a long time after the injection - I mean my arm is still tender now and I got the injection two weeks ago. But I guess I'll just bring it up in my appointment on Friday and see what she says.

I think you should look into the pain you experience with the injection.

I think I'm gonna ask my psych nurse about trying invega.

Well I feel much better today. I really need to stay on a antipsychotic. It is like night and day when I'm on one. Usually I am so depressed, have no energy, feel hopeless, afraid and paranoid.

I've been on latuda, geodon the non weight gainers. But I got horrible akathisia on them. I had to take 4 different meds to stop the akathisia. And latuda gave me some tardidive dysconesia symptoms too, (I know I spelled that wrong.) It would make me move my jaw all funny and make the right side of my lips droop. No fun at all.

Ugh...I need to figure out how I can make the risperdal work. I'm gonna ask my gp if she'll prescribe metformin....

[~Christina]

Invega is the "refined" version of Risperdal ... I took it over a year ago and it was weight neutral for me and no side effects. There is also a monthly injection of Invega that many people are loving as they dont have to remember to take a med daily.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Invega is the "refined" version of Risperdal ... I took it over a year ago and it was weight neutral for me and no side effects. There is also a monthly injection of Invega that many people are loving as they dont have to remember to take a med daily.

Yeah, I might try it. My psych nurse said that there is no difference. But bc invega is longer acting I think there is. I see her Thursday, I'm gonna ask her about it. Thanks.

Christina, were you ever on risperdal? If so, how did it effect you? Did it increase ur appetite?

[~Christina]

Yes I tried it and it caused Lactation and a boat load of other typical AP side effects , weight gain, drowiness, zombification.

When my Pdoc brought up Invega I was very much against it to be honest .. but at the time I really was needing an AP for a lil while. So I agreed to "try it" I was only on it for 2- 3 months but Zero weight gain I did not want to eat my sofa nor doze off while standing up .. I was not snowed under I had no problems speaking or finding the right words like many AP's cause.. It did what it was suppost to do.

Personally I refuse to take an AP daily anymore there are too many studies out there about long term use of Ap's and its not pretty . ..If I "need" one I will take it for a very short amount of time. My Pdoc respects my wishes and agrees with me and my treatment plan.