[cashart10]

My brain is poisoning me. It is telling me so many terrible lies. It's telling me lies like I am the worst wife and mother, lies like I am the worst daughter and friend. And worse are the lies I've mentioned in my other recent threads. And I believe all of these lies and so they are becoming reality. That is very dangerous. Anyone relate?

constant sabotage

[lilypup]

My brain did this when I was severely depressed. I needed constant reassurance from my husband and best friend that I was important to them. Do your best to ignore your brain. You KNOW this is depression talking.

[Dix888]

It is depression. Are you on good meds? Can you talk with your pdoc about this? It is hard to get on the right meds for you & often what we are taking isn't helping, so we need to change an Rx or increase/decrease dosage. Best wishes to you. It will get better

[wildflowerchild25]

I completely relate. My brain did the same to me in my last depression. But they are lies. Vicious lies.

I know you think you can't go inpatient right now and I am unlikely to change your mind. Do you have an IOP or partial hospital program around you? They could help get your meds stabilized faster. You could still be home at night.

I always do the same thing when I am suffering. I refuse to go Inpatient until something terrible happens. I don't want anything terrible to happen to you. You think inpatient would screw everything up but I think being dead would screw everything up more. But I know I can't convince you.

Stay safe. They are lies. Don't believe them.

[Love&Toil]

I am very familiar with these lies. My brain tells them to me with some regularity. Meds help quiet the lies to some extent. My trigger is around parenting. What's your trigger that makes you feel like a bad mother and wife?

You are a good person. Don't listen to those lies.

[Bryc33]

Originally Posted by cashart10

My brain is poisoning me. It is telling me so many terrible lies. It's telling me lies like I am the worst wife and mother, lies like I am the worst daughter and friend. And worse are the lies I've mentioned in my other recent threads. And I believe all of these lies and so they are becoming reality. That is very dangerous. Anyone relate?

My daily torment

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[Thepatman]

Originally Posted by cashart10

My brain is poisoning me. It is telling me so many terrible lies. It's telling me lies like I am the worst wife and mother, lies like I am the worst daughter and friend. And worse are the lies I've mentioned in my other recent threads. And I believe all of these lies and so they are becoming reality. That is very dangerous. Anyone relate?

You have anxietys when your brain tells you bad things just go along with it eventually it will get bored I learned this a whole back I have been bipolar if this is the right word for many years I have a way of dealing with my problem no medication just me all the best you will find yours I promise

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Dix888

It is depression. Are you on good meds? Can you talk with your pdoc about this? It is hard to get on the right meds for you & often what we are taking isn't helping, so we need to change an Rx or increase/decrease dosage. Best wishes to you. It will get better

Yes, I am on good meds. I wish my pdoc would put me on an ssri but she won't because I am prone to mania. Things are bad right now though so I wish just once she would cave. The ap's don't seem to touch my depression and lithium hasn't even helped this time. I see my pdoc in about 11 days. I can imagine she will make some changes then. Thank you for your concern.

[Love&Toil]

I am amazed at your resilience, strength and perseverance.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Love&Toil

I am very familiar with these lies. My brain tells them to me with some regularity. Meds help quiet the lies to some extent. My trigger is around parenting. What's your trigger that makes you feel like a bad mother and wife?

You are a good person. Don't listen to those lies.

Thank you for the above comment, you are too sweet!

I don't necessarily need a trigger. When I am low, these are just ruminating thoughts but there are various triggers. What are your triggers?

[cashart10]

[QUOTE=wildflowerchild25;3938730]I completely relate. My brain did the same to me in my last depression. But they are lies. Vicious lies.

I know you think you can't go inpatient right now and I am unlikely to change your mind. Do you have an IOP or partial hospital program around you? They could help get your meds stabilized faster. You could still be home at night.

I always do the same thing when I am suffering. I refuse to go Inpatient until something terrible happens. I don't want anything terrible to happen to you. You think inpatient would screw everything up but I think being dead would screw A more. But I know I can't convince you.

Stay safe. They are lies. Don't believe them.[/QUOTE

I hear you guys and I know you're right but at the same time I know I'll leave the hospital planning to still do it. It is usually only a week to a week and a half stay for me where I live. You leave as quickly as you go in. Not much happens except twiddling your fingers while still anguishing and wishing that there was a way out. It just isn't worth it unless I am at the very end. I've done partials a couple of times too but they are still very hard to work around our schedule. I told my husband it would be easier for him to make permanent changes than partial ones. I honestly feel pitiful right now.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well I understand what you mean. Inpatient doesn't always help. I usually find it worth it but I do remember last year coming out the same as when I went in. So I get what you mean.

Just try to remember your brain is manufacturing all sorts of craziness right now. None of it's real. Please stay safe. We all care about you here as well as all the people who care about you in real life.

[wiredidiot]

When I am severly depressed, these exact thoughts run through my head like a freight train.
I'd talk to your PDoc about an adjustment until you pull yourself out.
Hang in there, the thoughts are NOT TRUE!