going inpatient...

well, ive been suggested to go inpatient...
the clinic i go to say they cant monitor me enough to accurately treat me
ive always been completely compliant and strong..
i've been self harming again, and my case manager seems to think im getting worse and need to have more supervision / monitoring to get an accurate dx and treatment plan

i am totally scared out of my pants
im agoraphobic and social phobic along with other stupid things... so it feels really hard to want to go, although i want to go to get proper treatment...
going to a strange place with strangers all around makes me super nervous and anxious, i dont know what to expect (here in virginia)

i dont have any clue what to take... i packed 7 pants, and 10 or 11 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 towel, shampoo and conditioner ( i read somewhere they wont let you have it if it has alcohol in it and what i have does)
i also read that you cant take electronics to most of the hospitals, i wanted to take atleast headphones mp3 and ipod (ipod has some games but no camera)
and some notebooks

im just so anxious i dont know what to do, can i lock myself in a room away from everyone there?

i haven't been doing well on any of the medications my pdoc has tried me on... symptoms are super hyper active, im at wits end and they are wanting me to go inpatient monday

What you packed sounds fine, though they will provide towels. Places I've been allow you to have your alcohol conditioner at certain times if you are on certain status, every hospital has different rules. Some will let you have strings and shoelaces, some won't. Some will let you have jewelry, some won't.

You won't be able to literally lock yourself in a room anywhere as that would be a safety hazard. But you may be able to stay in your room away from people. I was in one place where I could and another place that decided I spent too much time there and locked me out. Another that didn't allow patients to be in their rooms during the day unless they had a medical reason to be. So it depends on where you go. But honestly I'd advise against it. I know you're anxious and I have social anxiety too but it looks better on you and you get more out of it if you participate in groups and stuff.

Good luck, I hope they can stabilize you and get you on a proper treatment plan.

I could sometimes stay in my room some but they strongly suggested I attend groups because if youre not participating it seems your noncompliant. But then when I was suicidal and self-harming I was on red band and self-harm modification and I wasn't allowed to be out of sight. That's right, even the bathroom and shower. 5 days of that and I was finally off.

Youre going to be fine. Seriously. You will be safe there. They will provide towels, etc/ I always found I was cold in the summer so consider taking long pants and long sleeves...as well as socks. lol flip flops give you cold feet!

feel better!

thanks... i probably wouldnt be so anxious if i had my klonopin :/

i was so lost in my mind i thought it was sunday, i hate it when that happens! cant even remember what day it is im going to try to participate... im just super quiet, i worry about making new friendships with new people who seem to be nice but turn out to be like all the rest... my case manager says i have an amazing ability to cover up these things :/ sometimes i feel like im torturing myself by not allowing myself to show any of these things, sort of split lives there is the pain, then there is the fake happy

i appreciate your comments, also apologize for my wacky typing
i havent been sleeping very well lately

I usually had no issues connecting with at least one patient. We all have issues and it seems most of the time they just want to feel accepted too.

im usually easy to talk to and have alot of things to talk about ... i mean it seems everyone that meets gets along with but i mould a type of personality thats more out going and gullible, i guess thats why ive been isolating because im never able to be myself ... i know my anxieties are just high and that my mind is just exaggerating the fear, im trying to just relax and go with the flow on this one...
i haven't slept away from the house and family in for ever (only way i could do it before was with massive amounts of alcohol and drugs )

i just keep telling myself its going to be fine, just take 1 step at a time... i hope they dont write me down as a harm to myself though... will old cuts cause them to do this? ( multiple week or so old?)

Can you call the place they are having you go inpatient and ask them about what to take and what's not allowed? Maybe you can also ask to talk to a nurse from that unit and ask about your copping methods- music and what they do to help?

Going inpatient is always stressful at first .. then you find out real quick everyone there is probably dealing with about all the same issues or more.

Dont isolate while there .. Drag yourself to group therapy it really will help you.

Just be open minded and know that you are there to get help that will allow you to have a more stable happy life

Take care

No...Id been there before and I hurt myself there

thanks, yeah i suppose i've watched a few too many horror movies...
im starting to feel a little more confident about it
are we aloud to wear a hat? my hat happens to be a red 'Bud' hat

is it possible this pre-anxiety is increasing my manic symptoms?
i feel so wound up my eyes feel like they are gonna pop out my head

Yes, definitely possible. Just try to breathe. You only have to get through one more night. It won't be as bad as you think. They'll be able to help you there.

thank you
im trying to visualize calm things and taking deep breathes
just one more night - im gonna jump in head first i think to catch myself off guard

You can get so much help going impatient! Sounds like you've never been admitted impatient...it's nothing to worry about although i totally respect yr feelings of anxiety. When I went inn they allowed me to have my phone which kept me connected to the people who support me. You can request to have a room to yr self so you won't have to worry about being in a room with someone else...which will ease yr needs to isolate. I would also recommend going to groups...they really help and get you out of yr own head. I've gone impatient like six times and I was relieved to be somewhere safe. It's a great way to get on the right meds and they can monitor how yr body adjusts to them. They have pretty good food and you'll be surprised at how many people you'll connect with. It's so nice to get a break from the real world stuff that holds us back. You get to see yr pdoc on a daily basis so that is so helpful too. Try not to worry too much about it. I encourage you to take some stuff that give you comfort like a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, pics of yr loved ones...without frames add you can have the glass in there. You have the option to be alone and you don't have to attend all the group's if you don't want to. They are super helpful tho. I esp liked the art therapy group. Be honest and real with yr pdoc so you get as much help while yr there. Good luck and don't worry...you'll work yr self into An anxiety attack If you obsess over what might happen. Be good to yr self and take some deep breaths to ease yr anxiety. Let us know how it goes. I wish you luck. Hugs

I meant you can't have any glass frames In there.

i survived and am back

i went to csu and it was pretty great, no hats, no strings, etc etc but we did 8 group meetings a day and i felt connected with a group of people for the first time in a long time

changed my meds, feeling alot better and glad to be back home
im just worried about the "shock" back to reality, am going to get regular therapy sessions set up asap

Pack yourself.some comfortable. Clothes.... whatever is comfortable in my short.time there that's what I found.... it was not for me... I wish you the best

Glad to see you're home and feeling better! It is a bit of a shock to get back into real life but just take it slow and you'll be ok.

Glad your inpatient stay went well and helped..

Glad you're home and feeling better elevatedsoul. I hope your transition back into the real world is an easy one.

I'm glad to hear it went well.
Yeah, after making connections it can be hard to be alone with just your own thoughts. It's a great idea to get regular therapy and build on the good progress you've made.

Happy you are better!

thanks all