[bipolar gemini]

so i've had hypomania but not a truly manic session for fours years now..which should be good right??? but for the past four years i've been mostly in a depression and i am starting to wonder if i can ever get the good quantities that go along with mania back. i want to feel self-deserving again, to feel that i can spend money on myself, to be confident...but that's not who i am anymore, at least at this moment. will i ever feel those things again? or will it always be just so-so?
mania isn't great but i've been depressed for so long, anything sounds better right now.

[Tucson]

I do not like being manic because my mania it is normally mixed. And unfortunately the good comes with the bad with mania.

[wildflowerchild25]

I totally understand. It's like a drug. I always find myself wanting to get back there. I rapid cycle so I haven't spent years depressed but even now when I'm not really depressed I just feel blah. I want to feel amazing. I miss it. But my last psychotic episode was scary enough to keep me on my drugs.

There's got to be a way to find that joy in life without being manic. "Normal" people do it, right? Lol.

[BipolaRNurse]

I don't miss being full-blown manic, but oh, do I ever miss my hypomania! All that extra energy and exuberance and a great appetite for life.....why can't I just have that??

I swear, if anyone ever invents a drug that lets us have the good stuff without all the bad stuff that comes with bipolar, they will be VERY rich and we will be the most awesome human beings on the planet.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I swear, if anyone ever invents a drug that lets us have the good stuff without all the bad stuff that comes with bipolar, they will be VERY rich and we will be the most awesome human beings on the planet.

They did... at least for me. Its called Lamictal. I can basically stay a little hypomanic all the time, without the awful "mixed state" misery and depression crashes. Lamictal is like my god!

[BipolaRNurse]

That's amazing! Sure wish it did the trick for me, but then that's what I've got all the other meds for. Meh.

[Double Edge]

Originally Posted by bipolar gemini

so i've had hypomania but not a truly manic session for fours years now..which should be good right??? but for the past four years i've been mostly in a depression and i am starting to wonder if i can ever get the good quantities that go along with mania back. i want to feel self-deserving again, to feel that i can spend money on myself, to be confident...but that's not who i am anymore, at least at this moment. will i ever feel those things again? or will it always be just so-so?
mania isn't great but i've been depressed for so long, anything sounds better right now.

I completely relate to this right now. I've been mostly depressed for a year and eight months with some random hypomania, and desperately miss how I feel when hypomanic. I always thought that was "normal" until learning I had BP. Supposedly Lamictal will help elevate me out of the depression and give me enough energy without going manic. We'll see. My manias were horrible so I wouldn't want to go there. Pdoc wrote the rx incorrectly so now I have to wait til Monday to start it. -_-;