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#1
Aug 16, 2014, 03:53 PM
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I can feel my mind slowly slipping again. That feeling that you are not in the right skin. Like even going to go pee is just too overwhelming to think about. I put my son down for a nap but I don't remember how long ago it was... was it two hours ago? Or did I just put him in there? If I take him out too soon he won't nap but I don't want to leave him in there all day either.... I think about it being dinner time soon and I get anxious. I'm going to have to feed him. And I also don't want to eat. I haven't bathed in days. I'm afraid of the shower. I'm afraid of my son drowning. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleeep. I can't brush my teeth. I can't drive. I have no money. I wish someone else could take my son so I don't have to do anything. I can't do anything. My husband said we just talked on the phone but I don't even remember hearing from him. I feel like I need major help. I don't know what to do. I want to take care of my self, I want to take care of my son but I juSt CAN"T and I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep hearing someone whispering my name and its starting to freak me out. They won't stop.
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes  Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
 lilypup, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Aug 16, 2014, 03:57 PM
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I feel like I might hurt myself. I keep hearing voices. My meds are supposed to keep the voices away. If I just let myself die then they would go away. I don't want to do that though. But I want to. Each second feels like years. I feel like I can't remember anything.... Did I eat lunch, did I feed my son lunch? I keep thinking its so late at night and its only 3 in the evening. I don't knw what to do my husband is out of town my mom is getting ready to leave town and I don't have gas in the car to go anywhere, my husband has the money, if he has any. we don't get paid until monday. I think. I keep forgeting what day is today. Today is saturday but I have to keep checking.
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
| wildflowerchild25
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#3
Aug 16, 2014, 04:13 PM
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Is there ANYONE around that can help you? I know how overwhelming it is to be depressed and/or mixed and be expected to take care of a young child. Especially when psychosis creeps up on you. You need support right now. And if you have a pdoc I would call him or her first thing Monday. If there's an emergency line I would call that.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#4
Aug 16, 2014, 04:20 PM
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Call your doctor. call a crisis center. If you have to call 911! Tell them you are having serious mental health issues, and you cannot function and you need help RIGHT NOW! Please reach out somewhere, somehow.
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Bipolar 1 ~ 300mg Lamictal, 4mg Ativan
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#5
Aug 16, 2014, 04:21 PM
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She said just to find someone to stay with. I think my aunt is coming to get me. I'm so scared. I'm afraid of doing something to hurt my son. I keep having visions of drowning him and I am so terrified! I'm holding him now hoping I don't do anything bad. I am so scared. I don't want to hurt him why do I keep seeing these things?
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
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#6
Aug 16, 2014, 04:26 PM
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Evert time I start crying he sstares at me like 'whats going on?' He's going to be scarred forever having me as a mother, I can never seem to get stable. I feel so guilty, I wish I wouldn't have had kids. Its so unfair to him. He's going to hate me because I can't function right.
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
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#7
Aug 16, 2014, 06:52 PM
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I'm always worried about the same thing. About how my son will be hurt by everything I've done as a result of my illness. He is only three and a half and yet I feel like I've failed him already. But we can't dwell on that. Someday we will be stable. I'm already a lot better than I was three months ago. That's progress. You'll get there too. I'm glad you will not be alone right now. You need someone there to support you. And listen as long as you do everything you can to get well your son will have nothing to resent you for. I'm doing my very best to get better. That's all I can do. I know someday he will understand and appreciate that.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#8
Aug 16, 2014, 07:07 PM
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Sounds like things are really bad for you right now, so it's good that you are posting here for support. But it sounds pretty serious - especially with psychosis and caring for a young child. Have you thought about going to ER and telling them what is happening for you? Your safety and the safety of your son are important. Is there anyone who can take him for a few days so you can focus on getting well? It sounds like you may need an inpatient stay. Hugs
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"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#9
Aug 16, 2014, 09:33 PM
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My aunt picked me up for a while and I'm back home now. My husband will be home in a half hour and my son went to bed. I just have to hold out until then.
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
| pawn78, wildflowerchild25
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#10
Aug 16, 2014, 11:54 PM
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When my husband got home he knew more about what today than I did because I couldn't remember anything. He said I might need to go to in patient care and I had such a pad panic attack he said we wouldn't do that. I think he's lying! He is planning on putting me there I just know it. I bet he called my mom and they are all going to send me away and take my son away. And then his mom will be happy because she doesn't like me.
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Bipolar Disorder 1 Psychotic Features Trying to make positive changes Lamictal Latuda Saroquel Straterra |
| wildflowerchild25
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