Doesn't anyone ever apologize?

Am I the only one who sees what I have done and apologizes? Why is it always me? I don't get it.

Don't know either, I hear you though.

Seems like I'm apologizing for myself or for not understanding properly...

Hi, Love Antiques. I have seen a decrease in people's willingness to apologize, too. It's like they worry about being sued if they admit that they are at fault.

But I still think apologizing is a good thing to do. And trying to make amends if we can. Shame on the people who don't.

I always apologize for things I have done while manic/depressed even when sometimes I don't recall doing them...

But I also ask for an apology of the other person(s) when they are partially at fault.

I used to be one of those people that was always "sorry", and apologizing at every turn, to the point that people complained about it. I'm more selective now about where and when I apologize, consider whether my behavior and the situation really warrant it, what the value of the apology might be to the other person and most importantly that it actually has the potential to help. (When I do it though, I do it right; no fake apologies, a.k.a. the non-apology apology.)

What I read from this article though, "Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefits (and we issue no mea culpa for this research finding)" in the European Journal of Social Psychology (Okimoto, T.G., Wenzel, M. and Hedrick, K., 2012), may offer some insight into why some might not apologize much or at all:

Despite an understanding of the perception and consequences of apologies for their recipients, little is known about the consequences of interpersonal apologies, or their denial, for the offending actor. In two empirical studies, we examined the unexplored psychological consequences that follow from a harm-doer’s explicit refusal to apologize. Results showed that the act of refusing to apologize resulted in greater self-esteem than not refusing to apologize. Moreover, apology refusal also resulted in increased feelings of power/control and value integrity, both of which mediated the effect of refusal on self-esteem. These findings point to potential barriers to victim–offender reconciliation after an interpersonal harm, highlighting the need to better understand the psychology of harm-doers and their defensive behavior for self-focused motives.

I suppose those who've likewise noticed this to be true would need to see an inherent value in making an apology, and their ability to ascribe a positive value to the action could vary quite a bit.

I apologize. I'm noticed that very few people do. I believe it's mostly because people are terrified of being wrong and being rejected. It seems to be some sort of self-esteem and maturity issue...a huge fear of being "blamed" - I suspect because as children, they were frequently blamed for things without being taught that responsibility leaves us with options to change, whereas blame is only a dead-end form of self-damnation.

If i feel I hurt someone I will always apologize... The lack of common sense manners are just fading away as times goes on ..very sad

Nope my wife is a thorn. She never apologizes for ****

I apologize if I have hurt someone and if I care about them. I apologize if I think it will be helpful.
I just saw a thing on TV where it said that women apologize a lot more than men. And that they should stop it as it gives more power to men. Just a thought.

Interesting. It kind of sounds like a variation of what I've observed (not special, many, many people have, obviously). That yeah, people who don't apologize seem to get some kind of ego-boost from it, and definitely a power/control thing. But it seems like they've put a positive spin on it. Not that positive is a bad thing, but I think it's probably unwarranted for this scenario. The last sentence is interesting in light of that. Defensive behavior and self-focused motives are, a lot of times, not from a positive place.

Observation definitely suggests that people who don't apologize do it out of a misguided notion that they're never wrong. Or in the wrong. Which is ridiculous, because it is equivalent to saying one is perfect(!) Defensiveness often comes out of insecurity overcompensation, doesn't it? It does seem that they subscribe also to the "and that makes me better than you" notion. Putting others down to "elevate"(HA!) oneself. Refusing to acknowledge one's wrong-doing (which tends to be accompanied by casting blame onto others) is putting others down (imo). There is someone where I work that is working that to the hilt (on me). It'd be funny if it weren't so sad. She puts out this snotty attitude showing her "superiority" by blaming everything (real and imagined, lol) on me and my "ineptitude". Truth is, I kick her butt, and she knows it. (Not bragging, simple numerical fact.) What's really going on is that she's insecure, jealous and lashes out by making like she has nothing to apologize for. So, blah blah blah, yeah there's an ego-boost thing and a power thing, but they're definitely not in a good way.

There is such a thing as apologizing too much, but most of the time it's more the other way... Common decency and manners, people. They wouldn't kill anyone. (Haha, but you'd think they would seeing how some people act, wouldn't you?! )

On the victim/offender thing, it comes down to being able to put yourself in the other person's shoes, doesn't it? That in itself is a pretty good indicator of when apology is needed.

Personally, I tend to apologize readily. I grew up with no apologies and vowed to never be like that.

I apologize if I'm wrong. I have noticed how many people don't. I even work with kids(18-23) here that will tell you apologizing makes you seem weak. If they do something to hurt someone they probably deserved it for something so why apologize? It's just sickening to me.

Heck just a few months ago we had a shooting here at a gas station. What caused it? Two guys bumped into each other, one walking in one walking out. What should have been a simple oops my bad or please excuse me sorry about that turned into the OK Corral. I think the paper said 15 shots were fired between the two of them but thankfully no one was seriously injured. When interviewed both said the same thing "The other guy was rude. He disrespected me."

It is a sad world we live in where people would rather fight or shoot at each other than offer a simple apology or be polite.

I've gone through periods of depression where I excessively apologize for my being in the way and not doing things better. Friends often told me that I was apologizing too much.

Other times, I should have apologized and didn't and I regretted it later.

Since being in an 12 Step program, I try to apologize and make amends promptly for stuff that I have done that hurts others. "Crow is best eaten fresh!" This seems to clear the air a lot better, especially in friendships, and I also sleep better.

That's 5 times today I've apologized for my reaction/behaviour.

There is a difference between saying your sorry if you hurt someones feelings and feeling the need to constantly apologize for no apparent real reason .

Therapy can be very helpful to build self esteem and just feeling better about yourself, Learning coping schools and how and when to you use them help to identify patterns.

Just an fyi... my wife never apologizes and I mean never... not just being over the top sarcastic. I mean dead serious never. I have apologized.many times.. in almost 7 years I bet she's honestly said sorry 10 times... that's probably giving her more credit then reality. I have said it probably 500 times.... not just for horrible things.. just for the day to day stuff too... I believe bipolar people are more passionate whether down or up... so I think that may attribute to it... you say sorry because that's what you'd want to hear if the shoe was on the other foot. .. I'm no dr.

There's nothing worse than genuinely feeling remorse... to apologize... even when sometimes you're doing it to keep the peace... and hear I don't want your apologies. Anymore it's not even an argument at that point. I crawl back to my corner.

Sorry to hear this, but it can be worse - you could be British - the 'average' Briton is reported to apologise eight times a day or 2,920 times a year, or 233,600 times in the average life. And that does not include politicians, entertainers, sportspeople, train companies, bus companies, financial institutions, they are all saying sorry like there is no tomorrow, for their various heinous activities. No one means it anyway. I am sorry but apologies are just not what they used to be.

I apologize 8 times by lunch and it's totally heartfelt. Unrecognized, but heartfelt. Sometimes I wonder who has the problem... me or everyone else.America doesn't apologize. .. Americans hurt. I think it's by nature. I have two grandfather's who fought in WWII who would turn over in their graves to see what we've become.

Excellent, you'll fit right in - you just have to pass the test and you can go from a citizen of a proud republic to a subject of monarch who rules by right of God: The all-new British citizenship test ? take the quiz | UK news | theguardian.com

Hmmm... 5 of 10. I guess I'm still an American.

That's a good score. Happily I managed 10/10 so I won't be deported or have to move to Scotland after 18 September.