[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I just had a very weird 'episode' of something this evening. It was a hard day anyway...home alone with my 2 kiddos. Made it out of bed around 9:30 already (luckily they were up & dad fed them before heading to work - they were watching Netflix). Laid on the couch from then until about 4:30 when I finally mustered up the motivation to make us all get dressed. Back on the couch until about 6:30 tonight when we finally went to the grocery store.

As we were leaving, I felt a little nauseous and like my abdomen was really heavy or something - like the muscles were constricting, maybe? On the way to the store, I noticed my hands were shaking a bit - my whole body felt shaky and fragile. Made it through the trip, but even the checker & bagger had a brief conversation with me about how my day was going and it seeming like my kids overwhelming me...I can't even remember the details of what they said. Back in the car, on the way home. Got into the garage, and started to feel like I was having a hard time breathing. Not like my lungs weren't working, but I was laboring to do it - like I had to think about it. Felt VERY overwhelmed like I wasn't even going to make it inside with the 2 bags of groceries I had.

Shaky, nauseous, tight chest, in tears for no reason, had to hold on to the counter for support, felt like I was going to break down while I was preparing dinner - made the kids take a bath so they weren't witnessing it. Had a lot of thoughts about what I should do - didn't think I was going to be able to put dinner together. Started worrying about whether I should go to the ER, but didn't feel like it was that bad yet. Realized I could get in a real bind since my husband couldn't come home from work for another hour...what would I do with the kids? Forced myself to work on dinner and focus on washing & trimming green beans by small handfuls, over and over. Could feel the sensations coming and going as I worked to focus on the task at hand.

I never had any thoughts related to it, though, other than the worry about all the physical sensations. I've never felt like this before, at least not without the intrusive anxious thoughts. Felt a little better after about 45 minutes or an hour, after I went in to get the kids and discovered my youngest had unrolled 2/3 a roll of toilet paper all over the bathroom floor. I lost it and ended up sobbing. It felt awful (both feeling like that and losing it in front of my kids), but I ended up a little calmer after - whether as a result of that or not.

What happened? Can you have the panic/anxiety attack without thoughts, just the physical manifestation? How do you deal with that/make it stop? I've learned how to stop the cycle of anxious/panicked thoughts, more or less, but this is a new one for me...

[Manic Trance]

Hello.

I'm sorry for your difficult times. That is so hard, and so hard to be that out of sorts in front of your kids. I know from experience. We do the best we can!

You can definitely have anxiety without specific anxious or obsessive thoughts, just the sensations. I know, I've had it, and still do some times.

I was prescribed Xanax, but I did not like how dependent I became, I feared what would happen if I ever tried to get off of the drug.

Breathing exercises and meditation are good. Breathing works very well during an episode. Meditation and exercise works to prevent them. Of course I understand with two kids that can be hard to achieve.

Are you in therapy? Because talk therapy is also great for anxiety.

Anyhow, I hope that tomorrow is better, and my heart goes out to you!

Sending you strength...
Soon...
MT

[lacerta]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how crappy it is to feel extremely unwell in front of children.
With the support of my therapist I have built the support group around me. Basically there was only I and my husband taking care of or two small children. Then with the support I realised that I need a team that can help when I'm having anger attacks. Now I have two of my neighbours that I can ask to take kids over for few hours if I have something coming up. I actually haven't told them I'm bipolar, I'm afraid they would be afraid of me, I lye something like I have a terrible migraine on something.
Also as a mom I have realised how much I need planned breaks, so I do schedule with my husband times off, taking a walk, going shopping, going to swimming pool etc. I need this often, at least 3-4 times a week for an hour.
At times when kids spoil food or toilet paper etc. I try to calm myself down actually counting how much does a single toilet paper cost, or a cup of peas or something and then realise that it's way lot cheaper than most of their toys, so that makes me calm down.
I have that kind of shaky week feeling sometimes when I have not eaten enough. Something sweet calms that down soon.
Hope this never repeats for you!

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Thanks Manic Trance & Lacerta. I absolutely hate going to pieces in front of my kids. My daughter was upset watching me, and my son (who's younger) was upset because I got mad at him. Lacerta, I did the same thing when I got past the initial anger/overwhelmed state...I figured that he probably wasted less than $1 of TP, so was able to let go of that part. Poor boy, though - he didn't deserve the reaction he got from me.

I have some neighbors across the street. I considered calling her last night in case it got worse and I felt like I needed to go to the hospital or something. But they have 5 kids, and it was a school night...really didn't want to do that if at all possible.

As for regular breaks, I think I need to start figuring that out better. I work 6 hrs/day, and that's the entire time I'm not with my kids while they're at school. My husband gets up with them every morning he's here (if he's not traveling) and does breakfast & lunches. I do the driving to/from school & all the afterschool activities. From about May until the end of October or so, he gets 2 days off every other week. Unfortunately, they're in the middle of the week when I'm working anyway, so I get the kids full time every weekend...right now, that's a lot for me.

Sounds like you both have kids, so you may relate to how awful it feels as a mom to not have the energy to care for your kids the way they deserve and you want. I'm working on this with my T, but sometimes I just don't know what I'm going to do. It's so unfair to the rest of my family that I'm like this! Anyway, I'll be talking to my T about last night's episode and getting some feedback from her on it as well. This sucks.

[Love&Toil]

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

I never had any thoughts related to it, though, other than the worry about all the physical sensations. I've never felt like this before, at least not without the intrusive anxious thoughts. Felt a little better after about 45 minutes or an hour, after I went in to get the kids and discovered my youngest had unrolled 2/3 a roll of toilet paper all over the bathroom floor. I lost it and ended up sobbing. It felt awful (both feeling like that and losing it in front of my kids), but I ended up a little calmer after - whether as a result of that or not.

What happened? Can you have the panic/anxiety attack without thoughts, just the physical manifestation? How do you deal with that/make it stop? I've learned how to stop the cycle of anxious/panicked thoughts, more or less, but this is a new one for me...

I have had this kind of thing happen several times since I've been on meds. Like all the symptoms of a panic attack without the blinding panic. It has happened at work and at home. Most of the time I have to just lie down to get through them. I feel like I can't be upright. In my mind, it's my body's way of telling me I need to rest or take care of myself.

[vjdragonfly]

If I read right, you have had anxiety attacks in the past. Do you take anything for them? It does sound like you had a panic attack and anxiety meds will help. If not, it may be good to talk to your pdoc about it.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I don't have a pdoc, and I don't have any meds for anything right now. Starting to discuss the possibility for needing them with my T now. Will be exploring that a bit more tomorrow with her. My attacks in the past have generally included very specific narratives and thoughts associated with the anxiety...like I was anxious about something very specific. Have come to realize my body is sometimes predisposed to the anxiety, and then my mind will generate some story/thoughts to go along with the feelings. I've been pretty successful with bringing myself down from those states based on the work I've done with my T to date, but this was so unlike any of those, it freaked me out. Could be just more stress this past week than usual and ruminating over my mental health & new 'diagnosis'.