Doubt

It seems at least once a day I doubt this is me. I deny it so vehemently. Then I think back about how I've been through my life. And omg I am this. This is me. Maybe the things that happened to me were partially my fault. I'm a stressor for my wife. I don't want to be. Nothing it's wrong with me. I want to stay awake for days and get the house spotless and organize everything right now and exercise. And go to Wal-Mart and steal some meaningless thing for the rush. Or on the way to or from work drive 20mph over the speed limit maybe more. But the meds are slowing me down. Making me tired. I hope it thunderstorms tonight and tomorrow. I love thunderstorms. I am supposed to be sleeping. It doesn't make sense to have all these desires, but your body won't allow it thanks to meds.

All of the things your feeling is Bipolar ... Your starting to come down and its very confusing.
Remember Bipolar lies to us so often our rational thought process is wonky. When your having impulses to do all those things discuss them with someone. Keep posting here.

Try using grounding skills

Stay safe

Thankfully grounding skills and I are good friends.
Thank you Christina. It's funny you say that about bipolar lying to us, I've been known to say I feel like my brain lies to me.
I don't know if I want to come down.

If your having an exciting Mania its normal to not want to come down, But the reality is your putting yourself at risk of doing things you may regret and hurting those around you ..

Yeah Bipolar sucks

I had doubt for years. Straight up until this last psychotic breakdown. No way to deny anymore that my brain can turn on me. Not when I'm huddled in a bathroom at my pdoc's office thinking everyone out there can read my thoughts. But it's a journey. You know that. Everyone has come to terms with this in their own time. I would deny up and down even and especially in the midst of episodes.

you will find your acceptance. Whether that means accepting the disorder or looking for something different, you will find it.

I have moments where I know this is what is wrong. Why does come in spurts like this? My mania hasn't been that exciting. I like feeling good. I don't like my mouth writing checks I can't cash, referring to the whole getting in trouble at work thing. I just want to understand and everything I've been reading isn't really helping me to understand. It appears to be the same info over and over and over. Why can't my brain wrap itself around this?

I'm kinda freaking out I feel ok like I'm coming down then flip the switch and its right back to driving 70 in a 45. I just want to pick one way or the other. I can't get the right words to come out too explain what's going on with me.

How long has it been since your last medication adjustment ? You may need another adjustment.

It's only been since Aug 13. Not long ago. The seroquel XR 300mg (up 100mg) got upped Friday. I've got an appt on the 2nd for follow up.

This is the part of Bipolar that is beyond frustrating .. Change a med and hurry up and wait for it to start helping.

Hang in there .. You can do this

I still go back and forth with all the time (ALL THE TIME). When I am stable, I always intend to come off of all of my meds. Deep down I know the truth ( and my hubs and mom keep me in check). Anyway, I am very sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope you are feeling back to yourself soon.