just looking for someone, anyone to talk to....

I'm currently noticing I'm in relapse into another bout of my severe depression and am just looking for someone, anyone, to talk to...

Hang in there Fitprk3. You're not alone. Everyone here goes exactly where you are now....we just hang on long enough to come out of it. Just live minute to minute, until they turn into hours, then days, and then it lifts.

Are you seeing a pdoc or therapist? Do you have a diagnosis?

Hang in there. It gets tough sometimes but know that people care about you.

Diagnosis was(as of 5 years ago) : bipolar 2, chronic and severe depression, and chronic anxiety.

And no I'm not currently seeing a doctor of any kind. Don't even have a job to pay for it anymore. Tried all I could through the state with very little positive outcomes....

I'm bipolar 2, also. If you didn't know, we have the highest suicide rate of the other disorders. Even higher than Major Depression.

I read Kurt Cobain was bipolar 2. Of course, there's all kinds of speculation about what really happened, but you get my point.

Treatment isn't an option. Either state funded, or Obama Care, or some sort of free clinic. But you don't need to sit there alone, without meds, without therapy. Not with the statistics we have going for us.

Do you have a free health clinic near you? maybe you should go in, tell them you're bipolar 2, not currently receiving help, and feeling very depressed. Hopefully, they'll take it from there.

Kurt was in fact, bipolar 2, you're correct.

And yes I do know people with bipolar 2 have higher suicide rates. And for good reason it seems, were miserable with no realistic treatment options. Everything I've looked into will cost me an arm and a leg and by that point, is there really a chance??

I've done all I can do at this possible moment in my life, I just need someone to listen and who understands me because it doesn't even seem like my fiancée does anymore. And she's been my best friend for almost 5 years before we started dating or got engaged. I just need consistent people who won't judge me or yell or scream at me. I don't need those people around because all they do is make me feel worse. Just wish I had meds again....

No free health clinics around but I can check into if there is for sure or not.

Welcome to the boards! It sounds like you're going through a tough time right now. Is your fiancé going through a lot of stress right now as well?

From your profile- I saw that you live in Toledo- here are some local options that may help:

Mental Health Related - Harbor Corporation

NAMI OF GREATER TOLEDO support

Some medical options: Free or low-cost clinics in Toledo and the region - Toledo Blade

My fiancée is in fact going through two super stressful situations right now and I just want to help but she turns into me making what were talking about about me. Its always about me she says. And that hurts alot. Especially being this woman knows EVERY detail of my life. I've been friends with her since 2000, how could she not? I don't know, I'm just very confused and only growing more confused by the day when it comes to myself...

With your fiancée- she may be trying to protect you. I bet she feels super guilty that you are in a situation where you can't afford medicine right now. I'd really encourage you to check out the links I posted above & get in contact with NAMI or DBSA to see what options you have for medication.
Think of what has helped you in the past when you've had confusion- maybe you need a creative outlet- like the chance to write out what you want to say to your fiancée to show that you support and appreciate that shes been such a big part of your life for the past ten years.
Don't give up- this will get better.

Thanks Newtothis, I will definitely check into those when I'm back around my computer. Out looking for work at the moment.

And I have tried writing stuff out so many times but I just never bring myself to start the discussion. I just bottle it up and apologize to her for being a jerk. Not the right thing to do necessarily but its the only words I can muster the courage to speak when we argue. Which doesn't happen all that much but has been getting to a point where I can tell I'm wearing her out mentally. Makes me feel even worse

Hi there. Rough time of it right now, huh? I think most of us have been there, I know I have. One thing I do is call the crisis lines and talk. Even if I am not out and out suicidal, I will call a crisis line before I get to that point. It is a good thing to do, because when it gets this bad, it IS a crisis. And there are so many of them. I like the NAMI crisis lines. It helps to talk to someone who is not part of your life. I can't talk to my partner, either. Just do whatever you can to distract yourself and get through the day. I am sending you good thoughts.

You can pm me if you're lonely or bored!

I forgot all about those crisis lines. Ill have to find the numbers. I've gotten info from NAMI but it was years and years ago...and thank you for the well wishes and kind thoughts. Def need em today. Stuff just keeps on coming.

Perfect example: I actually landed a job today. To counter that my fiancées dad hasn't been paying the mortgage and stashing money. Just found that out today so now we have to come up with 4 months of house payments bc he was canceling the checks sent in and for all we know blew every penny of it