Overwhelmed and inappropriate at the same time

Under my present circumstances, I really need to be disciplined, resourceful and focused. Even though I am bouncing with anxiety, I am also acting inappropriately considering the challenges I am facing. I'm heavily engaged in social media right now when I should be looking for a job. I'm being very flirty towards someone I know has more than a casual interest in me despite being in a very long relationship, when I should be figuring out how I am going to pay for healthcare until I employed again. I grabbed the impulse somehow just as I was about to escalate the situation. I will be in a social setting with her tonight, and my partner of several will be with me as well. It's a dangerous situation and I am going to come up with an excuse not to go. I'm equal parts anxiety and hypo-manic at the moment. I'm hardly sleeping but not being very productive. I know the warning signs of when I'm heading for trouble, but I can't seem to reign myself in.

Talking here is a good start... knowing your heading for doom is also good to catch before you get there... i'd take a step back and think about what's important to you. Write them down if you want to. Is it worth the risks your taking? I don't know that answer. . But maybe you do.

What great insight you have .... Maybe doing some intense cardio or just a flat out run. Burn off some excess energy.

Welcome to PC

More experience than insight. Got about 25 years worth of experience but I used to always be the last to know there was a problem. I've had a med regimen for about 10 years now and life hasn't been that bad. I posted a highlight but the reality of the situation is a lot more complex. 20 years ago no one depended on me so self destructive behavior didn't hurt anyone but me. Now that isn't true. Still on the meds but I believe there has been a shift in chemistry. The time of year is a concern too. Mania is common for me in the fall, and has led to hospitalizations in November.

I think exercise is the way to go if you don't have things lined up with a doctor for meds. I know that feeling. Playing the line dangerously close. It is amusing and brings a certain rush about it. Hence why I call bipolar the ultimate high. Problem is, when coming down from the manic state, all those feelings of guilt come oozing out. Similar to how being drunk or high on drugs will enable you to do away with inhibitions, allow you to forget about your need to maintain social norms and do whatever the hell you feel like doing. Damn near a dream state if you will. At least in my experiences. I joined a gym that has hour long cardio sessions with an instructor and lots of people. I've been having it really bad lately and I've found that just a couple days of intense cardio have me feeling like myself again. I wonder how long it will last, but from now on, I treat my workouts as if they are a much bigger deal than just good for my body. I need to workout or the risk of going off the rails becomes very high. I tend to find that there are a lot of people in the fitness world who are the same. It's very comforting. Working out alone won't work, joining a community of fitness is the way to go. Or at least I'm hoping.

I'm on an exercise routine related to physical therapy. Your advice for some reason reminded me that I had hydrocortisone shots in both shoulders about 10 days ago. I'm wondering if it may have been a trigger. Maybe suddenly not being constant pain freed up enough energy to make something else go wrong. :-) I like the cardio idea. Maybe I'll start sleeping again.