[littlemiss1970]

I'm struggling again with my depression and it's so debilitating! I'm struggling to function at all. I'm in the hospitals iop program right now and it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I experienced my first time with disassociation last week and it was so hard...I felt like I was watching a movie of my life. Has anyone experienced that state of mind before? I'm so medicated I just shouldn't be depressed but bp can strike at any moment and that's the part that sucks ***. I feel so sad...nothing and I mean nothing brings me joy. I am so empty inside and my family tries to be there for me but they can't truly understand. Only you guys can. I try and use my skills but the only thing that really helps me is the deep breathing. I don't have any hobbies and I can't think of any to try. I do like to draw tho but I'm not that good at it. It's still fun to doodle. God help me! I want relief. I think I'm on the wrong anti depressant so I'm seeing me pdoc on Monday...I'm praying for some kind of relief. Sorry to be such a downer but I'm just breathing in and out. Anyone else relate?

[Mikeyboy]

What is iop? Intensive out patient? I've experienced a kind of dissociation where I felt like everything was a dream world. It can be very unsettling. Sorry you are feeling so depressed right now, I know that is a very hard, scary, and frustrating place to be. I hope that things get better for you soon. In the meantime, hang in there as best you can, and if you have fun doodling and drawing, definitely do some of that.

[littlemiss1970]

Ya iop is the intensive outpatient program. Thank you for yr kind words...it's very encouraging to hear from someone who understands. I think I'm going to go do some doodling right now. It gets my mind off of how bad I feel. Bless you

[r010159]

Sorry to hear you are suffering like this. Give the iop some time. Also your meds may need to be adjusted.

BTW BP depression is different from MDD. Interesting.

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[wildflowerchild25]

I'm with you. I'm in a depression too and at a loss for what to do. It seems to be lifting a little bit five days into my injection but I can't go through this every time the one too. Wears offS I just want to be happy again. Just like you. But it's got to get better for both of us, right? It has to. Hang in there.

[cmorales]

I have dissociated a few times and it sure is weird. Once the world was like a cartoon. Everything was brighter and the world appeared to be animated. Okay, maybe that was an illusion, not a typical dissociation, but there have been other times. One time left me feeling totally empty inside as it was as if I was watching the world from the perspective of an outsider just viewing humanity as if we were but ants in an ant farm and came to see life as more than meaningless, but unnecessary. It's difficult to describe now, but at the time I could go on and on about it. Basically, we're all just drones, machines going through the same motions day to day for no reason other than survival and other than that there is no real point to life. Once I came out of it, it left me feeling this sense of intense apathy as well as a good ol' fashioned metaphysical conundrum about reality, life and the meaning of or meaninglessness of life in general. That threw me into a depressive state as I was so confused. I belive that life is utterly meaningless and that only we can ascribe any meaning to our own lives, but that feeling of life being pointless got to me.

I hope you feel better soon. You should try doodling up some cartoons about how you feel. Art has helped me (if even just a little bit) in my slumps. Who cares if you "aren't that good;" that's not what art is about! Art is about putting your heart and soul into something that expresses who you are, what you are going through or what you love. If you look at it like that, every piece you make can be a personal masterpiece!