[BlackSheep79]

Yesterday my husband and I got into one of our big fights that only happens a few times a year. He said to me "will I ever get the happy girl I met again back" He says this every now and then when we get into these fights.

Here's a little history. We have been together for almost 12 years, married for 9. My bp started when I was 15, misdiagnosed as depressed and put on SSRIs that put me into mania, horrible time. Then at 17 my OCD popped up. Between 17 and 20 the OCD had taken over my life to the point that I attempted suicide. I then quit all meds probably around 19 I think, I can't remember. I just know I was sick of not getting better and was done with the medication.

So moving on. At 25 right before I get married the BP comes back. Maybe it was there but it was low level and I didn't notice between 20 and 25. I was really stressed, just bought a house, working full time, going to school full time, and planning a wedding. At 27 I was diagnosed and have been on medications for the past 8 years.

What troubles me so much when my husband says this is that yes I have had some very hard times since he has been with me, but he did not see what I went through from the ages of 15-20 with the misdiagnoses and the OCD, the cutting, the suicide attempt, etc. Everyday is a battle for me but I keep moving forward. No I am not the person I was before. Yeah I feel like the BP and OCD has taken over part of my life and I let it. I have a masters degree and I'm not in my field. Yeah a majority of it is the economy but I am not stable to hold down a stressful job like that. Before we were married we were going to have children and now we decided not to because of passing on the mental illness and he has Crohns disease. Everyday I wake up and say there are so many people that have it worse than I do. Everyday I watch my 3 dogs play which gives me such joy. It's the small things for me and that is what I tell him. No I don't go out in public all of the time like I use to but I do make an effort a lot of the time.

He tells me maybe I shouldn't be on the meds. I tell him if I am not on the meds I will end up in the psych ward, lose my job, or maybe even be arrested (this has never happened). When I was a teen I would go from nice into a complete rage in a split second, I know how it works for me. No I'm not completely happy with how life has turned out, but this is how it is and I am doing the best I can. Everyday is about survival. I'm not going to go to him everytime I am switching moods to stress him out. He has Crohns which is triggered by stress. And even if he didn't no one needs to hear me everyday when I am switching moods or catastrophizing about everything all day long. I just feel like he got sucked into a life that he didn't expect. Hell I didn't know about the BP until after we were married.

Does anyone have these issues with their significant other. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he loves me and he told me he just needs to vent about his frustrations. He goes to all of my therapy and pdoc appointments so he does understand the disease. Does anyone have any advice?

[~Christina]

My husband has said " I want the Christina back , the one I married .. Yeah It hurt , a lot . We talk about it once every thing has settled down. He feels awful about saying such things , But happens down the road here and there.

One thing I see that may not be a goo idea ... Having him go to all your appointment with Pdoc and T ... T is about YOU ! and I doubt your able to be fully honest if your husband is there. I mean we all need too B!tch about our spouses and how they make us feel hurt .. You cant do that with him there. Maybe its ok for him to come along with your to Pdoc appointment as to know what if any med changes are needed .. But then again I personally would go with out hubby there to.

Im sorry he hurt you this way

[Victoria'smom]

"will I ever get the happy girl I met again back" I get that said to me a lot. and I usually remark "Oh, the one that did (insert insane, hurtful, or messed up thing here)? You can have her back if you want just give me about a week." and I stand there's smiling. Usually that's when he realized what he just said and tries to back track.

A lot of this seems like he's having issues accepting the adult he's become and at least partially blaming you for it. He needs a therapist of his own to deal with this and any stress that his or your issues bring to him. What did you guys do when you went out before.

[Velouria]

When I was really sick several years ago, my best friend told me, "I want my Mary back." I was a little confused -- I thought I'd been making a good show of pretending to be fine.

At the same time, somewhere inside me, I got mad at her, I thought it was really selfish of her. I actually felt guilty! It wasn't my fault I was like that. There was nothing I could do about it, and I was doing the best I could. At least, I thought I was. But I didn't actually have enough energy to do the best I could at that time. In an ironic twist of events, she saved my life -- very, very literally.

What he's really trying to tell you is how much you mean to him. He wants you to do better not just for him, but for you. People don't always know how to say that, even though it seems so simple.

[BlackSheep79]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

"will I ever get the happy girl I met again back" I get that said to me a lot. and I usually remark "Oh, the one that did (insert insane, hurtful, or messed up thing here)? You can have her back if you want just give me about a week." and I stand there's smiling. Usually that's when he realized what he just said and tries to back track.

A lot of this seems like he's having issues accepting the adult he's become and at least partially blaming you for it. He needs a therapist of his own to deal with this and any stress that his or your issues bring to him. What did you guys do when you went out before.

When we met we went to the movies a lot, that was our thing. We live in a small town so there isn't a whole lot to do. I was so independent when I met him and was for the longest time. I had to be growing up, workaholic parents that didn't give a crap about my mental illness and still don't. I even raised my sister and have given her a place to stay for years now. I did it all on my own and over the years I grew to rely on him to do a lot of things. Anyway, I try all of the time to go out and have fun with him. I don't have my own friends, his friends are my friends. About once a month I go and hang out with all of them, we all work together and get along great. Him and I do at least one thing on the weekend together unless I am doing really really bad.

[BlackSheep79]

Originally Posted by Velouria

When I was really sick several years ago, my best friend told me, "I want my Mary back." I was a little confused -- I thought I'd been making a good show of pretending to be fine.

At the same time, somewhere inside me, I got mad at her, I thought it was really selfish of her. I actually felt guilty! It wasn't my fault I was like that. There was nothing I could do about it, and I was doing the best I could. At least, I thought I was. But I didn't actually have enough energy to do the best I could at that time. In an ironic twist of events, she saved my life -- very, very literally.

What he's really trying to tell you is how much you mean to him. He wants you to do better not just for him, but for you. People don't always know how to say that, even though it seems so simple.

I know he loves me to death and so do I. I would do anything for him, thru sickness and in health right? I know he wants me to do better for the both of us but I don't know what I am doing wrong. I have always had the fear of abandonment because every guy left me because of this, but he says he won't as long as I keep trying. I do everyday, how can he not see that? I go to therapy, I see my pdoc, I never skip my meds. He knows how hard it is for me to go to work everyday. When it is bad I wake out of my sleep having a panic attack. That is how I get to start my day sometimes. It just makes me sad that when I really think in terms of reality, I probably won't ever be like the girl he met years ago.

[Lemon Curd]

I'm blessed. My hubby tries to understand. He's not perfect, and does have his moments where he gets on the rollercoaster ride with me. He does try & wants to help me, be happy. Although the truth is, no one can make me happy, but me. Often, he does get frustrated with me. I don't go grocery shopping with him anymore. I could care less about making dinner. I don't iron his shirts. I don't vacuum and steam the house. Even though he works full time, he does have to complete most of the chores. We started to hire high school & college kids to help with house chores & outside yard work, which does help, tremendously. He hasn't stopped asking me to go out with him, thank goodness, even though, I don't go most of the time. Do I feel guilt & shame? You bet.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you do "movie night" at home? Have game night with your friend's? We only have mutual friends also. I think it tends to happen the longer couples are together.

[OurLadysTears]

I can understand where a lot of you take that statement as hurtful. It's not easy keeping things balanced especially with being bipolar but also on the same note you have to consider what our loved ones mean when they are saying it. I don't think they are meaning to be hurtful. I think they feel defeated. Your condition doesn't affect just you but significantlyrics affects those around you. They are carrying heavy emotions and burdens along with them. Some significant others feel emotions of their partnerstuff just as strongly as their partner is feeling. So when you are going through a cycle, imagine the toll it is taking on them as well. You may not be facing it alone even though it may feel that way. Saying, "I wish I could get the girl I married back," doesn't necessarily mean anything harmful, but that they want things to get better. They want you to feel better and for your relationship to see happier times. Considering this as a disease, it would be like saying, "I miss the times we had before the cancer took over. I wish you could get better because I don't want to lose you." Be thankful you have someone by your side that is fightino this with you and wants to try to recover and live happily.