[sorand0m]

I've been dealing with bipolar most of my life on my own despite a diagnosis. In taking no mood medication but I am taking medication for anxiety.

I've been hypomanic recently and now I'm slipping down the slope. I'm ashamed to say that I've been taking strong medication just to allow me to function and live something of a life. I can't cope with this ride anymore without help. I just can't bring myself to tell others including my family how deep this runs, I've got so good at hiding it.

[Blue_Bird]

Hi sorand0m, it's good that you recognize you need help. I hope you're able to get it soon, your family would probably want to know that you're struggling so they can at least be there for you.

-Take care,

[Mountainbard]

Hi sorandOm,

First of all, please don't be ashamed to admit that you've been self-medicating, or that you have a problem.

Second, recognize that by posting what you have here, you've come out of hiding a little, and that is a huge step forward. Follow up on this, a little at a time, until you're ready to see a professional and/or tell your family.

all the best,
Randy

[sorand0m]

I've been self medicating for 6 months on and off to make myself feel better, even only for a while.

I know I'm doing damage to myself physically but it quietens my mind and takes away all the emotions that make me so bad. I can't help it.

It's got to the point where I'm feeling sick from self medicating constantly. When I have my psych evals I brush everything off, put a show on to convince them I'm fine. I'm not fine.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[Mountainbard]

sorandOm I wish I could take some of your pain away. At least I can send some good energy across the pond to you, and I definitely am.

[Curious651]

Fear is a strong emotion and definitely can be increased by family. I feel your pain and can see it in your post. I don't know what your family is like, but I don't talk about my bp to my family because of comments I have heard. (Those crazy ppl. They are faking it. Just grow up. Get over it. I can go on.). Sad thing is I have a brother dx with schizophrenia, one with bp as I have, and have recently figured out that is what my father had when he pretty much killed him self. I do not take psych meds, but I use the tools I have and just. JUST. Started to trust a few ppl with my dx. I feel better and it helps to talk to someone about it. I do have two friends in the psych field and a few bp friends that understand. Perhaps you could find someone you trust to confide in. Hugs and thoughts! Be safe

[sorand0m]

I'm probably self medicating to the point of ODing every day. I hate the way this illness makes me feel.

I need help.