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#1
Oct 06, 2014, 02:08 PM
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Here I am jittery as all hell. I skipped any pleasant hypomanic or euphoric manic phase I might have had and went straight to agitated jittery hell. Can't sit still, want to crawl out of my skin, negative thoughts running through my mind like rabbits.
I figured the 450mg of Wellbutrin was going to go way overboard but I thought maybe not this time, maybe not. Maybe the ap and ms will keep it down. But no it's broken through both of them, jumping up just to yell haHA I got ya, you'll never just be stable! I think part of it is my job stressin me out. How can I get stable with all this work stress taking me down? But I can't quit. So what can I do. All I know is thank god I am on an ap right now because without it I would be incomprehensible. I can slow my mind down enough to write. I just think this is unfair. How do you keep calm during mixed states?
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 Atypical_Disaster, JigssawFeeling, wiretwister
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#2
Oct 06, 2014, 02:25 PM
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Ack I was hoping that would have worked for you
 .. Have you called your Pdoc yet? Maybe once the Wellbutrin is out of your system things may calm down , I'm sorry I don't know the half life of the stuff.. Maybe a prn benzio for a week? to just kinda tamp things down to keep a lid on it? I really have no grand advice for Mixed .. I just use any and all coping skills and often just have to hang on real tight and hope for the best .. Mixed = pure hell. Bipolar sucks 
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#3
Oct 06, 2014, 03:10 PM
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Oh this just sucks, seriously.
 When I'm in a mixed state I use every coping tool I have and I avoid any situation where I might be in danger of doing something reckless. |
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#4
Oct 06, 2014, 03:39 PM
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I already have a pdoc appt Wednesday so no need to call her. Thankfully it seems that his is going in and out - the agitation is ebbing and flowing. When I sit down I'm agitated and need to get up but the invega seems to be keeping a lid on most of the suicidal thoughts I usually get. The self harm thoughts are still there but not as intrusive as usual.
I have klonopin to take as prn so I've been taking that I just forgot to take it this morning before I went to work. Ugh I just can't sit still I hate that feeling of not being able to just sit and be quiet and have a quiet mind. I hate the negative thoughts. If I break a glass or something by accident tonight I'm done for. So hope that I don't drop any glassware. I would hate to think of where I would be without the invega. This would be completely negative. At least I'm having flashes of happy hypo. I don't know wtf is happening righ now :-/
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, Atypical_Disaster, Heechee55, Mountainbard, ~Christina
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#5
Oct 06, 2014, 04:11 PM
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I loathe mixed episodes. Can you try some breathing techniques? Write down all your anger / frustration and throw the piece of paper away. I find Valium helps a mixed state.
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#6
Oct 06, 2014, 06:15 PM
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I have school work to do tonight and I can't even imagine getting it done, nor can I imagine going to work tomorrow. All I want to do is take my benzo and sleep forever until this is over. I can't deal with those crazy kids tomorrow when I'm just as crazy especially when I didn't actually plan any lessons because I was crazy over the weekend too. I'm hangin on by a thin wire this year and it's only October. How do I get out of this?
I am trying to breathe but my son is making it difficult. I'm losing patience with him and I'm afraid of hurting him. My husband is at an NA meeting so he can't help right now. Only 45 minutes until bedtime for my son. We can make it until then. I won't lose my temper. I wish I were a better mom. Thanks for listening.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, Atypical_Disaster, ~Christina
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#7
Oct 06, 2014, 06:40 PM
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When like that I hang on tight and ride it. Try to embrace as taught in DBT, sometimes it works. Thoughts and hopes.
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when people try and crush your soul, remember that only you can damage yourself. |
 wildflowerchild25
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#8
Oct 06, 2014, 08:08 PM
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Akathesia?
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Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
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#9
Oct 07, 2014, 05:16 AM
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This one time, feeling like you feel, I went for a long, fast & furious bicycle ride. It helped me somewhat.
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| wildflowerchild25
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#10
Oct 07, 2014, 03:57 PM
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Quote:
I'm also sick as hell with a cold today so I have no energy for anything anyway. I don't know what's happening mentally. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being unwell. I just wanna get better. This is all my fault.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, Atypical_Disaster
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#11
Oct 07, 2014, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
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#12
Oct 07, 2014, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
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#13
Oct 07, 2014, 06:25 PM
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I am so sorry this is happening. I know that feeling so well. I am depressed right now so I feel like I don't have anything anyone would want to hear. But I took wellbutrin and it made me feel like I just did meth! It was horrible for me. I couldn't function on it.
I take Klonopin when I feel irritable. Although when it's really bad its hard to tame. I think wellbutrin is out of your system fairly quickly though. I hope tomorrow is better Sending positive vibes your way... |
| wildflowerchild25
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#14
Oct 08, 2014, 12:40 PM
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I'm back to being down today. Probably because I'm sick with a cold. My pdoc today sent me back to the IOP I just got out of in august. She says I need more support. I guess she's right. Makes me feel like a giant failure though. I mean I literally just left that program less than two months ago.
My husband might be pretty mad when he finds out. I think he'll be upset over childcare issues and financial concerns, the same things I'm upset over. But I got the impression from my pdoc that I didn't have a choice. It was either agree or be dropped as a patient. I don't know why things have to be this way. She also keeps pushing disability. Like disability would pay anything. I know how much disability pays and it's nothing. Then my husband and I would never be able to move out. I hate that she thinks I'm unable to work even though right now she's probably right. But I couldn't do disability. I couldn't sit around all day and do nothing. It would drive me crazier than I already am. I'm going to lay in bed for the next two hours until I have to pick up my son from preschool.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#15
Oct 08, 2014, 12:45 PM
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Hang in there!
__________________
Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
| wildflowerchild25
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#16
Oct 08, 2014, 02:30 PM
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Hubby just said - when is this going to stop? When are you going to do something different and get better? How many more times do we have to go through this? Is the program even going to do anything for you?
All questions I can't answer. I feel so hopeless right now. No I don't think the program is going to do anything. I've been through it twice now. It's me. Something is wrong with me. In the way I'm going about this. I'm doing something wrong. At least that's what it feels like.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#17
Oct 08, 2014, 06:15 PM
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Sorry you feel like that. I hope you don't think bp is your fault. If so, it is everyone's fault in here. I know I did not cause, ask, or seek it out. hope you are taking care of self and feel better soon.
__________________
when people try and crush your soul, remember that only you can damage yourself. |
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#18
Oct 09, 2014, 02:00 PM
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I know you are not wanting ECT again , but is it something you would consider again? Your not just wanting to be so unstable, We cant just "will" ourselves to be okay.
Ps Shame on your husband for saying such stupid ignorant things.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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