[pink&grey]

Wondering if others have found their moods getting worse as you get older? I'm currently in a depressed episode that is the tail end of what I think was a mixed state or something. I have days I can't remember and this was the first episode I've had where I really believed I might not be able to keep myself from killing myself so i went inpatient for fear of myself. I am on my meds and everything, so now I'm scared that I'm screwed for life and I'm worried about being able to survive and about my kids who I still can't see right now because I'm so depressed. They are at my parent's house. I'm starting to think I can't take care of them anymore. It's horrible. I'm 35 and my mood problems started in my late teens. I was diagnosed at 23 or so but didn't start taking BP meds until last year.

[Bipolartist]

I'm sorry you ended up in the hospital, that sounds like a terrible episode. But this is a tough question: Do episodes get worse with age?

It is true that symptoms can get worse with age, but also remember you've been having severe and mild episodes since your teens. Every episode will always feel like the worst ever. But I'm not downplaying a suicidal episode. That is very very serious and I've only been there once and hope I don't get that bad again.

Maybe this can be chalked up as your worst episode ever. Just think, it's only up from here (even thought you probably can't see that right now). The fact is, I had one episode about 5 years ago and it was a nightmare, I thought this is the big one and I was going to kill myself and I thought it would just get worse and worse. But it didn't. It took a lot of hard work to pull through it. You're strong, you can do this! I can still think, OK, I survived the worst, and it feels like an accomplishment.

You can pull yourself out of this and prove you're OK with the help of meds and therapy. I haven't been that low and manic (mixed) again. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you're only experiencing major depression, not mixed with mania? When you're that depressed and manic on top of it, oh boy, so down and so irrational, it can be hell on earth and would make anyone want to do themselves in.

So, even if this is your worst ever episode, it might not have to do with age, just that you're thinking more clearly and feeling what you're going through. The worst can be overcome and it doesn't have to ever get that bad again.

[Curious651]

[COLOR="SandyBrown"]have to agree with bipolartist above. Unfortunately I too have heard this gets worse with age. I hope they are wrong, but I know I cannot worry about that because it will. I truly believe in self fulfilling prophecy. I have seen this several times. I do know one of my really bad times was years ago and I did attempt suicide by several methods at one time. It was bad and I hope I don't have that again. I think moods change and some are harder then others to work through. At that time it is good to reach out for those that can support you. If I leave you with anything, please let it be the notion to tell yourself that all moods will change and cycles do change. Be safe

[Crazy Hitch]

I think it depends.

This is just my opinion.

As we progress through life we are faced with more obstacles and hurdles that we need to navigate through. Some can be really challenging and if stress is one of your triggers this can play a contributing role.

It also depends on therapy. We need to be properly equipped with coping mechanisms for when we go through episodes. If we don't have this it can tend to get worse.

I also think that med adherence is a must. Going on and off medication can swing our moods much higher or lower when they come to force.

So it doesn't mean these symptoms will magically vanish because I think the ups and downs are there for life. But we need a good support team and we also need to be on the right medication, which can take a while to find.

Be well.

[pink&grey]

Thanks all. These are helpful perspectives.

[prepsychmel]

I don't know if my episodes have gotten worse, but I think they're different. I was diagnosed at 18 and am 31 now. I get more depressive episodes now than when I was a teenager.

[Victoria'smom]

My symptoms were worse as a teen. Drugs, fully active eating disorder, inability to control much of anything, having 2 sisters that had bp we seemed to play off each other. My cycles have changed from harsh up and downs with clear okay times. Now they're not as harsh but longer with little respite. I feel the deeper depression was actually safer then my depression now.

[middlepath]

I don't know if it truly gets worse with age, or if we just become more self-aware, somehow more sensitive to our shifts. I, too, have delt with this since the teen years, my diagnosis was in my twenties, but now have my forties on the horizon. My worst episode was two years ago, and it was so bad i thought i would never be the same. It feels like my recklessness was more pronounced in my early years and my depression has been more pronounced in my latter years. Fortunatley, i am not the same as I was in my youth. After having experienced my worst depression, I feel like I have lived through something so profound and life-changing that it has evolved me as a person. I connect deeper with humanity, i am less judgmental, I am less afraid of conflict and way more willing to forgive. The darkness that is "the worst episode", truly has it's counterpoint in lightness. The depression was miserable at best...but in retrospect, I have had the opportunity to fully engage in the full spectrum of the human experience. Just keep holding on. You'll come out of it...episodes change direction. Just hold on and stay connected here.

[tipper1492]

I'm age 63 and did not start medications until only three or so years back. My (I believe) BP is not as bad as many, but I did have swings with mostly manic side. I seem to be doing fine, with a bit of irritability now and then, but I believe in taken medications, and not mess it up with drugs or alcohol. I also stopped smoking tobacco I'm happy to say. I am retired with little stress and that may make it all easier. I do wonder about my short term memory however. I saw an article on AOL saying they now believe there is a link between depression and dementia and that other deteriorating brain disease for which my spell check will not help me with. Alll-hiii-merrrszzua. Stupid me.

[Nammu]

My depressions are different and longer but the hypo and mania has been much less of a problem for me, I'm 55. IMO part of that was the monthly hormones that never let me truly even out. Menopause was the best thing that happened to me.

I'm 48. I was diagnosed at 25. I've been on meds since then. I don't feel bipolar is related to age, but more to life circumstances. For example, i had a real hard time in my early thirties after my ex-husband divorced me and i stopped working. My bipolar was most intense then due to poverty, homelessness, destitution and of course, not being able to afford meds.

Since i got back on my feet in my mid-thirties, life has been more manageable. Bipolar is a b&tch but everyone has something.

[pink&grey]

Such a good point about the hormones. I feel like I definitely feel like I'm having some kind of hormonal shift, even during stable times. Stress is a factor. When I went through a divorce I ended up in outpatient for a good while. This episode was preceded by severe problems at work that led me to quit, feeling I couldn't go on any more. People kept quitting and instead of rehiring they would put the work of the former employers on me. As a single mom with Dad MIA, there's obviously a lot of stress there too. I'm feeling better today so I think the first thing I will work on, as an unemployed person, is strategies for lowering stress and finding work that is not so demanding. (And soul sucking). I so appreciate you all.

[lifetimemeds]

Not easy to answer. The stresses I cope with now are quite different from those in younger years. I am now 61 and have been on meds and had a therapist since I was 18. That is a lot of years and trials of almost every drug available. I took old type antidepressants like elavil, norpramin...all with bad side effects. The newer SSRIs are much easier to take but don't really work any better.

In my early years, my concerns were about job, finding a soul mate (never did), coping with aloneness, and stressed out over family discord. Now my concerns are health problems, paying medical bills, having money to support myself through the "goldless years". This year I had two trigger finger releases, heart cath and coronary arteriogram with stents. Last year I had cataracts removed. The year before I had a total knee replacement. I also had to have a D&C for postmenopausal bleeding. Coping with these problems undoubtedly are more difficult and I continue to suffer deep depression at times. But it seems to be easier than when I was young and had no friends.

If you are able to develop coping strategies in the early years of lifetime depression, you may actually find depression more tolerable in later years. Be sure to learn how to build and maintain a network of supportive friends. Because people move away, get divorces and lose jobs leaving you with less support. None of my friends 15 years ago are still in my life. All my current friendships were established within past 5 years. My best friend moved 1,000 miles away 3 months ago. We still text once a week but I have had to find a replacement as long distance friendships aren't very satisfying.

[BipolaRNurse]

I think I've been bipolar since my teens, but wasn't diagnosed until age 53. That means I went a long, long time without treatment or on the wrong treatment (antidepressants). Finally everything came to a head 2 1/2 years ago and I was diagnosed as Bipolar NOS and put on meds. My symptoms continued to progress and recently I picked up the diagnosis of Bipolar 1 with severe depression. I've been hospitalized and had countless med changes; we'll see how the newest ones hold up.

But yes, in my case bipolar has gotten worse as I've aged. It's not everyone's experience but it's been mine.

[Mountainbard]

Lots of interesting perspectives in this thread. Thanks to everyone for sharing.

I am 58 and was just diagnosed bipolar II this year, even though my symptoms first manifested in my teens. So like BipolaRNurse I went a long time untreated. To make matters worse I self-medicated with alcohol. My depressions have gotten more severe over the years, for sure. In the past few years I've started to have a bit of an issue with anxiety as well. With a newfound awareness of my past hypomanic states, I can say those were more intense when I was younger-- with the exception of my most recent one two years ago, which cost me my job and my apartment. So I think maybe that our symptoms, untreated, do tend to get worse with age, but I think it's also the case that we become more self-aware as we learn more about having bipolar.