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#1
Nov 09, 2014, 05:29 PM
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My family has put me on watch here at home. My husband took all the knives and all my medication and hid it. I'm actually home alone for the first time in a few days right now and I almost wasn't allowed to stay home. All my doctors are trying to put me inpatient but I'm refusing because I can't leave my husband alone right now (he is having his own issues right now).
I just don't know when this is going to end. How much longer can I be haunted by images of self harm? How much longer can I be so depressed? How much longer can I be on disability from work? I just don't understand. When is the ECT going to work? I'm on my tenth session I think. I should be feeling something by now. I wish I could go inpatient, maybe then something would change. I keep telling myself bipolar is cyclical and this can't go on forever. But it's been since June. I can just hope the ECT will start to work soon. I've got nothing else.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 BipolaRNurse, Crazy Hitch, pink&grey, Secretum, Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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 BipolaRNurse
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#2
Nov 09, 2014, 05:46 PM
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Now my husband is worried. He's afraid to leave me alone. I'm afraid to be left alone honestly. I don't know why I keep hurting my husband.there's got to be something I'm doing wrong.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| pink&grey
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#3
Nov 09, 2014, 05:48 PM
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I'm so sorry hun
 I know your worried and feel like you can leave your husband because of his battle, But you need to take care of you ! You really should be IP Can someone else in your family care for your husband while you get much needed help. Things will get better , they will ... Please be safe and take care of you
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| BipolaRNurse
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#4
Nov 09, 2014, 06:28 PM
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sorry you feel this way. it is a shame that you feel you cannot go ip. i certainly am not one to talk, but i do not have anyone to worry about. if you don't go in it is possible you
will not be able to help him or tow care of him anyhow.. cannot help others if you cannot help yourself, hope you think about that. Be safe and take care.
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when people try and crush your soul, remember that only you can damage yourself. |
| BipolaRNurse
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#5
Nov 09, 2014, 07:31 PM
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I am really sorry to hear about your circumstances.
I completely understand what you are saying about your husband having his own issues and the reluctance to leave him right now. However, in this situation, you need to do what's best for you, based on what you've written. Do whatever you can do to be safe. Don't discount ip. Be well and know that things can change. |
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#6
Nov 09, 2014, 07:40 PM
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Please go inpatient. Your husband may very well not have anyone to help him through his rough patch if you continue on the road you're on. I just got out of a psych ward myself (my first hospitalization) and I believe I am alive today because I did go IP. There they can watch you and titrate your meds in a safe environment.....in fact, that's the best reason of all to go in, you are completely safe and cannot harm yourself.
I do understand about not wanting to leave your spouse.....my husband has cancer and I hated to leave him home alone for all those nights, but he got through it. I think yours will do fine knowing that you are protected.
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
| Trippin2.0, Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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#7
Nov 09, 2014, 09:02 PM
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Part of this is because I don't want to leave my husband alone, but part of it is because I think I end up in the hospital way too often and have done so since I was fourteen. It's like I use it as an escape. I mean I'm not even going to say how many times I've been inpatient. I don't want to go back yet again, especially after just getting out two weeks ago.
But at the same time I don't want to continue on like this. I do understand what you're all saying and you're probably right, I should just bite the bullet and take care of myself before I do something I'm going to regret. I'll have to see what my ECT doc says tomorrow. She tried to get me to go in on Friday.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| BipolaRNurse, ozzy1313, ~Christina
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