[Thomi]

How does being bipolar affect marriages and relationships? I am separated but I don't know what part is the difficulties of being bipolar and what is a poor marriage? Is it common to be so confused?

[Pughead]

It's very hard, especially when only one is BP. The other person doesn't understand why you act the way you do. You get mad at them for not understanding or being patient. Sometimes you hate them based on a delusional belief.

Sometimes you love them to death, are very happy together, and have a great time. And then, it crashes and burns all over again.

Sorry if it comes across as harsh, but I think the reality is 90% of marriages with one member being BP end in divorce. I hate to say it, but I see mine ending that way.

[sleepy123]

I think that a 90% divorce rate might be a little harsh. I hope so at least. I am bipolar, and have just got engaged. I have been with him for 8 years already, and I think the most important tool for keeping our relationship smooth is communicating where I am at. I track my cycles, and I always tell him when I notice a change. I also have a good idea of my behaviors, and I let him know what to expect during different times. sometimes I will just send him a text saying "I'm manic" and then if I act strange he knows why, and he knows what to expect from me when I'm manic. ect.

I think the spouse of someone with bp has practically got to be a saint to put up with all the crap we do when depressed or manic. I also had delusions about my husband--that he wanted me to kill myself & that he hated me. Thank goodness, the meds took care of that, but I am still extremely sensitive & can go from feeling fine into a rage very easily.

I have been married for 32 years & we've had some really tough times, but we were able to stick it out & raise 2 children despite all my issues. Plus, when I finally got the meds figured out I wasn't cycling as much & actually found out what it is like to not be an emotional wreck constantly.

Good luck, sleepy.--Suzy

[DaveyJones]

My ex and I went through hell...the first 12 years, we had no idea what was going on, then we found out that she was bipolar. Then after we had separated I was diagnosed. I agree with others in one way; the spouse of some one with bipolar has to be a saint if you're going to maintain a relationship. With two, I don't see any way in the world to keep it going.

I know that sounds dreary and unencouraging, but that's the way I see it.

DJ

[Jkeyz]

I have to agree with you guys. If one person is BP, then the relationship is practically doomed. I've dealt with depression all my life but wasn't treated until my 3rd marriage. Looking back, I was really bipolar all my life and was properly diagnosed. You are right, the other person has to be a saint to keep the marriage together.

[june30]

you know, i don't think so. my fiancee has been helping me deal with my BP for several years and we're doing great. i don't see it as a burden on him... it's part and parcel to my personality. i mean, nobody's perfect! i rapid cycle and he's patient... he trashes the house and eats nothing but pizza and i'm patient.

i think people with BP can be very happy in relationships with the right kind of patience and perseverance. maybe that's naive but i hope not.

[bizi]

WE are lucky to be able to maintain a relationship in this divorce happy world.
There is sacrificing give and get part to any relationship.
Deciding that you will love someone is a decision.
So we either decide to be married or we don't.
I have been married with my hubby for 12 years and many times I felt I would divorce him...but have decided that I won't.
I wish you well with your relationship.
It is definately hard work...
nobody said life would be easy.
bizi

[babs92]

I was diagnosed with BPII in May last year and my husband was with me in the consulting room listening about the diagnosis. It was like he wasn't "with me" at all. For several months afterwards it was like we were just living, but separate.

I think it all came crashing down on him back then, what with us having an autistic child to cope with as well. But, hey we have been married for 17 years and we have two children and we have stuck through some terrible times and really good times. Divorce rates with children with special needs is VERY high, so it goes to show that keeping together CAN be done, even with bipolar! There is hope.

[ukflower]

of course there is hope. my boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar (and i have anxiety problems) so sometimes together we are nuts! but i think the key to maintaining the relationship is understanding...if you have an understanding partner who has taken the time to understand bipolar disorder and realize that the moods are not because of you and that you understand why they are happening, i think you stand a good chance. i have educated myself alot about bipolar and asked a zillion questions to him and learned to understand his moods. and i think all it takes is alot of patience and the knowledge that no one is perfect, we all have our things, and once you realize that, you will find the good in everyone. good luck to everyone

[ManicMania]

Maintaining any relationship is difficult but I think extra strain is put on those that involve someone with Biploar Disorder.

I go to therapy and I try very hard to work things out with my Husband in a "healthy" manner. I know the divorce rate with Biploar Disorder is 90% which makes me pretty fearful!

[jungle69]

I think my wife is the best she just takes the moods like a pro. I know I hurt her sometimes with my unkind mouth that I can't seem to control. I've been married for 18 years too 3 different women. I know i'm a mess and hard to live with. I also have so many side effects that my sex life is almost dead. I still think about it all the time but, can't seem to perform my husbandry duties.