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I'm so sorry.

(((((((( RB ))))))))
I'm so sorry

Thank you all. Just such a shame and a tragedy really. He was a grandad but he was still only 67. He went unexpectedly so he has to have a post mortem. We don't think it was related to the vascular dementia.

Trying to stay strong. I know it sounds selfish but I'm actually beginning to get annoyed at having to be the strong one. Its been like it for months now...just ploughing on. I don't have the time or energy to allow myself to come to terms with my emotions.

In other news CMHT called today (that was quick) to tell me they're waiting for a cancellation for early January for an appointment. They gave me their new number and told me to call them if I need to speak to a psychiatrist earlier. Good news hopefully.

Thank you everyone. A wonderful community and I don't know what I'd have done without you all, time and time again

Yea! That IS good!
Not selfish. I know EXACTLY what you mean.

In other news CMHT called today (that was quick) to tell me they're waiting for a cancellation for early January for an appointment. They gave me their new number and told me to call them if I need to speak to a psychiatrist earlier. Good news hopefully. That is excellent news! Can you take a day off just to have you time?

Had my first appointment after re-referral today. Actually had the appointment with my previous psychiatrist. Despite the moaning I've historically done about her, she's one of my favourite psychs and is good at her job (I guess many of us can emphasise with the occasional and sometimes unjustified contempt for your pdoc). I was slightly less anxious to be seeing someone I know well.

Anyway. I've been prescribed Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and Mirtazipine which both need to be introduced to me gradually. Normally I'm awful at taking my meds regularly but the added fear of Steven Johnson Syndrome should encourage me to keep on schedule with taking the Lamotrigine, at least. I need to have some bloods taken before I start these new meds.

I was a bit saddened with my psych told me she was in fact leaving and I'd have a new psychiatrist next time I came in. I liked her and was beginning to trust her more and more. I find it incredibly hard to open up to people so my new psychiatrist will probably get fed false optimism by me until I feel comfortable enough to say how I really feel. It also be the first male psychiatrist I've ever had She told me she actually purposely wanted to see me before she left to get the ball rolling as it'll take a while to sort out the new psychiatrist.

Sorry for my overuse of "psychiatrist". Trying to not name drop. Confidentiality!

Not sure how I feel about it, I don't feel optimistic about any of it at this stage, Im still in the same position as before. I've come very close to impulsively acting on my sui thoughts, which are growing more intense each time. Hopefully something clicks into place before then. We also discussed me job and she agreed that a job with less social interaction would be better for me - a lot of face to face interaction can be very emotionally and, to an extent, physically draining to someone with autism and indeed a mood disorder.

Hope you're all well

I'm so glad you could see someone you trust to re-start medication. Maybe you'll like the new psychiatrist. If you feel like you'll act on your thoughts go to the ER you're to important to impulsively act on SUI thoughts. Is therapy an option?

I really like your blog

I hope I do. Can't trust someone I don't like

Therapy might be something I'll try again in the future but I never really managed either CBT or DBT. In fact, I didn't respond at all to CBT. One day I might go back to it but that'll mostly be for the anxiety side of things as opposed to using the therapy to treat the Bipolarity side.

Haha thank you. I haven't written or even been on it for many months now, though.