[Justugh]

hello

well now it been 2 days and the news just keeps getting worst for me
1 it looks like i am never going to have a job in the herbal field like i wanted...that was my last hope
2 money is getting tight most of it went to bail and lawyer fees ....i applied for SSI well they called today the forms i sent in never got there and the place that did the original work up on me has deleted those records so ....odds of them saying yes are near 0
3 the sleep meds they gave are good for nothing 5 hours of laying in bed staring into the darkness watch the lights and shadows form stuff (like clouds) and i even doubled the dose after the 3rd hour ....finally fell asleep at 7 this morning still 2 hours wake up
4 x-mas is going to be horrible i currently have 1500 that is for food bills gas life so i can not get anyone anything ..........i have already told them and that i want nothing for myself
5 court is the day before my mothers b-day/death day ......and it is not even the trail it just meeting i have to be at that is a whole tank of gas to get there and back
6 looks like i ripped a ulcer in my gut again this morning i puked some blood out
7 the anger in me is growing .....with no medical herbs in me to calm me down repress it and the pills they gave me 300mgs a day is not even the lvl it needs to be to work 900mg to 1400mg ....and to increase means 3 weeks while the anger grows
8 i have a total of 53 days to get strait so i can handle sitting in court with out freaking out and jabbing the pencil in the side of my neck to open up the veins behide the ears so i am dead with in 21 secs or to keep me from saying **** it i am in prison so might as well and not drink anything for 4 days until blood turns to sludge and heart gives out from over working

what should i freaking do hospital during x-mas time would mess up my family ....odds are my little area is already filled up with ppl worst then me ...atleast i am still able to force myself to get out of bed to do things but i am not sure how longer that is going to hold out

[Victoria'smom]

1 it looks like i am never going to have a job in the herbal field like i wanted...that was my last hope Why?

2 money is getting tight most of it went to bail and lawyer fees ....i applied for SSI well they called today the forms i sent in never got there and the place that did the original work up on me has deleted those records so ....odds of them saying yes are near 0 So what do you need to do for SSI now?

3 the sleep meds they gave are good for nothing 5 hours of laying in bed staring into the darkness watch the lights and shadows form stuff (like clouds) and i even doubled the dose after the 3rd hour ....finally fell asleep at 7 this morning still 2 hours wake up Can you call your dr and tell them you threw up blood and your not sleeping?

4 x-mas is going to be horrible i currently have 1500 that is for food bills gas life so i can not get anyone anything ..........i have already told them and that i want nothing for myself The Dollar tree has nice things for gifts if you know they'll get you something anyway.

5 court is the day before my mothers b-day/death day ......and it is not even the trail it just meeting i have to be at that is a whole tank of gas to get there and back I'm sorry about your mom. Is there public transportation? where you able to get a change of venue?

7 the anger in me is growing .....with no medical herbs in me to calm me down repress it and the pills they gave me 300mgs a day is not even the lvl it needs to be to work 900mg to 1400mg ....and to increase means 3 weeks while the anger grows Are you in therapy? is there any healthy outlets you can use for your anger?

8 i have a total of 53 days to get strait so i can handle sitting in court with out freaking out and jabbing the pencil in the side of my neck to open up the veins behide the ears so i am dead with in 21 secs or to keep me from saying **** it i am in prison so might as well and not drink anything for 4 days until blood turns to sludge and heart gives out from over working Can you get into Day treatment?

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

1 it looks like i am never going to have a job in the herbal field like i wanted...that was my last hope Why?

2 money is getting tight most of it went to bail and lawyer fees ....i applied for SSI well they called today the forms i sent in never got there and the place that did the original work up on me has deleted those records so ....odds of them saying yes are near 0 So what do you need to do for SSI now?

3 the sleep meds they gave are good for nothing 5 hours of laying in bed staring into the darkness watch the lights and shadows form stuff (like clouds) and i even doubled the dose after the 3rd hour ....finally fell asleep at 7 this morning still 2 hours wake up Can you call your dr and tell them you threw up blood and your not sleeping?

4 x-mas is going to be horrible i currently have 1500 that is for food bills gas life so i can not get anyone anything ..........i have already told them and that i want nothing for myself The Dollar tree has nice things for gifts if you know they'll get you something anyway.

5 court is the day before my mothers b-day/death day ......and it is not even the trail it just meeting i have to be at that is a whole tank of gas to get there and back I'm sorry about your mom. Is there public transportation? where you able to get a change of venue?

7 the anger in me is growing .....with no medical herbs in me to calm me down repress it and the pills they gave me 300mgs a day is not even the lvl it needs to be to work 900mg to 1400mg ....and to increase means 3 weeks while the anger grows Are you in therapy? is there any healthy outlets you can use for your anger?

8 i have a total of 53 days to get strait so i can handle sitting in court with out freaking out and jabbing the pencil in the side of my neck to open up the veins behide the ears so i am dead with in 21 secs or to keep me from saying **** it i am in prison so might as well and not drink anything for 4 days until blood turns to sludge and heart gives out from over working Can you get into Day treatment?

thank u for trying to help

1 the charge they are going after me for is major enough to no allow me to ever legally work in that field under the federal rules .....i doubled checked if i get any distribution charge it is done for me ....if if it is not a felony ....unless the charges get dropped i have no chance .......and the charges are not getting dropped the wittness is a DEA vs my word .....i lost

2 nothing .......i applied more then 3 years ago they called me a druggie and a drunk said no...........some how the case was reopened in the last few weeks ...they wanted info i gave it all to them but since i did not know how to fill out the forms with what they were asking i put the date i was labeled bipolar those records are gone the 8 months in the mental ward with all that info on me is gone ........i have nothing to add into the case so if it fallows like last time they say no .........then got to see if a lawyer will take the case free (they collect if we win) and file appeal but that is 6 months to a year away

3 nope not yet .........they know i am not sleeping i told them that the blood is new it was only a small amount i only noticed it because it was red inside white stuff (nose drips down throat pollen and x-mas tree farm 1/4 mile away so i can not breath out of nose) ........i have 3 ulcers over the years

4 no not my family they know if i say i want nothing i mean it because i will feel horrible about not getting them something good ....the only gift i could come up with is a card and a promise to do something when they need me including over night babysitter for nephew /doggies........the kid i was going to let him drive my car in a field for like 20 mins he is 8 so that would be fun for him

5 no i live in farm lands on the foothills of the mountains ........i was nearly 200 miles away at ren fair when this happen the case is that county ...taxi ride to the closest city is 50 bucks that is 13 miles away

7 they have not worked .........i have beat 3 video games in the last week trying to stop it and get it out .........gone in the woods and chopped down a huge tree with a hatchet ....when to the shooting range and used all but 3 of my shell up (got to keep home safe first is a blank 2nd is rocksalt 3rd is explosive round)

8 i do not know i am medicaid they set limits on the help i am allowed for the whole life time i think i get 30 days in the hospital for mental issues after that the state has to approve anything else

[Justugh]

well i called around all today

drug rehab they would want me inpatient but i have court so i can not do that ........they will not take me to court and the lawyer said i need to be there

tolate to call the hospital and ask if they would take me down if i was inpatient

so i got another night of freaking out

have to ask is trazodone that big of a deal ......when they asked what i was on i told them that and they said u are on trazodone like it was something major

[UpThenDown007]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

1 it looks like i am never going to have a job in the herbal field like i wanted...that was my last hope Why?

2 money is getting tight most of it went to bail and lawyer fees ....i applied for SSI well they called today the forms i sent in never got there and the place that did the original work up on me has deleted those records so ....odds of them saying yes are near 0 So what do you need to do for SSI now?

3 the sleep meds they gave are good for nothing 5 hours of laying in bed staring into the darkness watch the lights and shadows form stuff (like clouds) and i even doubled the dose after the 3rd hour ....finally fell asleep at 7 this morning still 2 hours wake up Can you call your dr and tell them you threw up blood and your not sleeping?

4 x-mas is going to be horrible i currently have 1500 that is for food bills gas life so i can not get anyone anything ..........i have already told them and that i want nothing for myself The Dollar tree has nice things for gifts if you know they'll get you something anyway.

5 court is the day before my mothers b-day/death day ......and it is not even the trail it just meeting i have to be at that is a whole tank of gas to get there and back I'm sorry about your mom. Is there public transportation? where you able to get a change of venue?

7 the anger in me is growing .....with no medical herbs in me to calm me down repress it and the pills they gave me 300mgs a day is not even the lvl it needs to be to work 900mg to 1400mg ....and to increase means 3 weeks while the anger grows Are you in therapy? is there any healthy outlets you can use for your anger?

8 i have a total of 53 days to get strait so i can handle sitting in court with out freaking out and jabbing the pencil in the side of my neck to open up the veins behide the ears so i am dead with in 21 secs or to keep me from saying **** it i am in prison so might as well and not drink anything for 4 days until blood turns to sludge and heart gives out from over working Can you get into Day treatment?

I'm sorry you're going through all this, I've had my share of legal issues due to bipolar as well. I've learned that when life becomes too overwhelming that I need to just check in to a hospital, because I can't deal with the pain.

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by UpThenDown007

I'm sorry you're going through all this, I've had my share of legal issues due to bipolar as well. I've learned that when life becomes too overwhelming that I need to just check in to a hospital, because I can't deal with the pain.

i flipped a coin head go to the hospital now tails go tomarrow if i am worst or the same

it landed on tails

i can go but i need to be out for court on the 19th no ifs ands or buts is what the lawyer said ..........so i will go in on my own accord so i can leave and make it the 200 miles for court that day

thanks for the support

[Victoria'smom]

You job tomorrow is to call and find a partial hospitalization program, day program, or intensive out patent program that accept medicaid. These are programs that provide daily therapy, group, and quicker med changes. You'll leave at around dinner time. Then come back in the morning. If you go into acute care unit it's 72 hrs generally.


1 Is there another way you can work in that field without direct contact?

2 Is your current lawyer willing to handle your ssi case?

3 When do you go to the drs again?

4 I'm glad they're understanding.

5 What did the lawyer say about mental health court?

7 I wish I could hive you better coping skills

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

You job tomorrow is to call and find a partial hospitalization program, day program, or intensive out patent program that accept medicaid. These are programs that provide daily therapy, group, and quicker med changes. You'll leave at around dinner time. Then come back in the morning. If you go into acute care unit it's 72 hrs generally.


1 Is there another way you can work in that field without direct contact?

2 Is your current lawyer willing to handle your ssi case?

3 When do you go to the drs again?

4 I'm glad they're understanding.

5 What did the lawyer say about mental health court?

7 I wish I could hive you better coping skills

yes ma'am will make the calls tomarrow ............if i am worst or the same when i wake up i am putting a shirt on and driving myself to the ER .......if they only do a 72 hour thing on me i can live with that i would be out monday afternoon

1 none at all to even help ppl legally( i go to their homes and help get them a good plant) u need to have the card registering u with the federal government .........illegal or working off the books in a shop a friend owned would be my only options other then going to 12 states and having my name changed 12 times then removing my fingerprints with surgery and pray that the facial rec system does not pick me up once the beard is shaved off (it will changes some of the biometrics they use to id u )

2 no he is not that kind of lawyer ...........he has already done me a huge favor his normal rate is 50k for this kind of case .........but since my case is new section and he gets to help make law i was only billed 5k ..........the original case for ssi i had greenburg and bettermen ....they did their part the judge called me a druggie and alcoholic 4 times in her decision papers ....the lawyer dropped me and said i needed to find a appeals SSI lawyer after 18 months of jumping tho hoops and bearing secrets i lost it and when into depression for about 6 months by the time i came out it was to late to appeal it ............i have no idea how the case got reopened ..........i have a call into mathis and mathis appeal ssi lawyers to see if they will take it once they say no (since i filed so far back the back pay if it comes tho will be alot 30k plus ) they would get 10k 33% is all they are allowed by law

3 i see the talk doctor on the 15th 3:30 pm ....then i see the rehab for outpatient at 7 pm that day (they will decide if i can be out or if i need to be in) as for the Pdoc jan 6 4pm he wanted me back in 3 weeks but that was dec 30 and they are closed for that week x-mas to newyears 6th was first open one

4 this is not the first year this happen with me technically wade and cindy do not need to get me anything until i am 40 they helped me get something 2 years ago that was decent amount of money (tablet) in return i tracked down 4 bottles of their fav wine/wedding wine phantom 1998 30 bucks a bottle (now they want 47 bucks a bottle)

5 that is up to the DA i think that is why he wants me to be there on the 19 so much (it not a trail just meeting that time) I've given him access to my medical doctors and my pdoc files on me ..........and he has 18 months from the ssi stuff nearly 3 years ago and now these to use

7 heck my watch trick is not even working i stare at it and my head starts to hurt more

[Justugh]

this is just to cover my *** with the ops

Medical cannabis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
legal
even in my state but they are dragging the feet about applying and making the rules
Maryland commission delays vote on medical marijuana rules - Baltimore Sun

so until then ppl like me get bent over and shown the royal treatment

so ops no reason in the world to delete this it is legal ........in 23 states it is 4 more states have it going up for a vote soon so 1/2 the country will be a alternative med

the info i had out on is 100% i spent 2 years learning it

[Gray Rider]

Wishing you the best of luck.

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Gray Rider

Wishing you the best of luck.

thanks Gray Rider .........i can use all the good thoughts i can get

[Victoria'smom]

how did the day treatment PHP calls go?

[Justugh]

i signed up for the rehab for medical weed ............7 pm the 15th i come 6:30 and i have candy canes to say thanks ro nice lady on the phone i was freaking out

same day i have meeting with talk doctor in the same building as the pill doctor so a strongly worded letter is about to be left for him (trazodone is weak as hell even at 100mg lay in bed for 3 hours finally cracked when to hospital doctor sawl me asked what was going on i told him and hooked me up with seroguil shut my mind up to sleep and lorazepam 1mg to make the loops stop ) .....i asked for that 3 days ago from this new doctor

[Justugh]

i am thinking of bring in one of my old friends in the world to meet the doctor and tell him how i am so the doctor really believes me and cuts out this slow i only have 54 days to get this right

[Victoria'smom]

With out in patent finding the right meds take time I suggest going in patent to speed up the progress. I'm in the middle of a med change and it'll take at minimum 60 days to see if the meds help.

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

With out in patent finding the right meds take time I suggest going in patent to speed up the progress. I'm in the middle of a med change and it'll take at minimum 60 days to see if the meds help.

i tried but they will not transport me to the court house on the 19th

the lawyer said i must be there ..........i wanted inpatient myself so they do a fast adjustment of the meds and would be working

i am doing what i can with the rules i have to fallow after the 19th i will try to go in after x-mas so i do not wreck family x-mas worrying about me i will have 34 days come jan1 to get strait in the head so i can sit in court and not freak out

the 19th i plan on taken a 50mg seroguil and 1 mg of lorazepam (i have a driver to get me there and back plus stop and get food if i can eat afterwards ) i got the pill bottles telling me i am allowed to do this just make sure i do not drive written on it

[Victoria'smom]

If you go to a crisis unit or acute care you should be out by xmas if you go right after court. How did things go today.

[Justugh]

so far so good no bad news to hit me in the head

spent part of the day talking to that one post office lady.........called around confirmed all my dates and times to make sure i am where i need to be

she keeps calling me to come up and see her .......so that is killing part of the stress...she said wants to do something new years or later once the holiday stuff in post office ends

i am not sure about the acute care getting me out by x-mas my body handles the drugs they throw at it different it took 6 months last time for them to decide on those pills.........i am debating if i should say f it and just take them again and live with the side effects untill this is over

[Justugh]

oh and i did find a game ff13-2

big long one 10 hours and only in chapter 2 so this should make it until court

[Victoria'smom]

What side effects were you having?

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

What side effects were you having?

hair loss
food tasted off ....metal flavor to everything
salt craving ...had a bowl of pretzel salt use to pinch out of and put in mouth
weight gain
rapid eye movement that is now permit
high blood pressure..more pills to take
high cholesterol...more pills to take
turned into a mouth breather
felt like something was ripping my feet apart (like that feeling when u take cotton out of the pill bottle that tearing )
and after 12 hours my eyes were shot things got blurry (had the characters on the screen 150% bigger and i am 3 feet from a 27 in monitor

[AstridLovelight]

I've been following your updates on your situation, and, even though I know all you're dealing with is very, very hard, I've got to say I'm actually impressed by how you seem to be handling it. So much of this is completely out of your control, but yet it sounds like you're doing what you need to do and really fighting hard to take good care of yourself.

So keep it up, keep fighting and try to stay positive.

I think things are going to be ok, I really do. Hang in there

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by AstridLovelight

I've been following your updates on your situation, and, even though I know all you're dealing with is very, very hard, I've got to say I'm actually impressed by how you seem to be handling it. So much of this is completely out of your control, but yet it sounds like you're doing what you need to do and really fighting hard to take good care of yourself.

So keep it up, keep fighting and try to stay positive.

I think things are going to be ok, I really do. Hang in there

thank u ma'am
if u can think of anything to do please send me a note or drop it off here

i hope it does too i am using all my good karma here to avoid prison

[emgreen]

I don't have anything to add that's not already been written. I just wanted to write to express my best to you. I've seen you're very supportive of other folks on the boards...& you deserve the karma in return.

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I don't have anything to add that's not already been written. I just wanted to write to express my best to you. I've seen you're very supportive of other folks on the boards...& you deserve the karma in return.

thanks

it is fun to help ....i been tho alot of crap tho life if i can pass on anything that helps other avoid it or makes it end quicker for them ....or if u just need a crazy person to plot the end of the world with some mad science