What Have Been the most Disturbing?

What have been the most disturbing and disruptive in your life, depressions or manic periods? For me it has been depressions hands down. I have been in the longest depressive phase of my life for the past year. It has lead me to have ECT, and that did help somewhat. I would give anything to feel a little manic for a while . . .

I'm glad the ECT is helping some, newgal2.

This summer I endured the mixed state from hell. It completely shattered my life just as I was pulling things back together. It did lead me to finally getting diagnosed as BP1 though.

I have to say mixed episodes are the worst because I tend to get psychotic in them. Otherwise depressions are much worse than mania.

For me, it's the depression, but I tend to hurt other people when I'm manic. But I'm depressed a lot more than I've ever been manic.

It's been manic psychoses that led to hospitalizations twice. So I'm going to have to go with full on mania being the most disruptive.
It's tough because just when everything in the Universe makes perfect sense, I realize I've lost touch with the people I love.

The mixed episode has been the worst for me. It was so bad that I thought I was dying. I did not think I would make it out alive. And I had delusions and some mild hallucinations. It was hell on earth for me.

depression

deffenetly depression.

you don't realise what it's done to you until you actually get a moment alone and think about it all

That's hard. I don't think I have an answer. At different times I would choose a different extreme. Psychosis from mania has turned into pure terror but I have survived depressions (one in particular) when I should have taken my life. It just depends on the circumstance for me I guess.

All of it sucks. I loooves me some hypomania though.

But I think the closest to completely insane I ever get is during mixed episodes. They are hellish. There are several times I probably should've been hospitalized, but I wasn't because I didn't go for help until the worst was over. As it is, the only time I've been hospitalized was for suicidal ideation during a particularly heinous depression. I loathe depression with every fiber of my being.

I feel like my BP is different than everyone else's. Ive noticed this since I joined PC. It seems that a lot of you experience significant periods of depression. I tend to go thru a lot of hypomania. I have maybe every 6-8 weeks where I have 1-3 days where I go thru a depression, but it is nothing like you all describe. I just have no energy, hopeless, guilt, don't want to face the world. I might miss a day or two, I kick myself in the *** and put the fake face on and go to work and then I seem to come out of it. I did go thru a mixed episode last March, that sucked big time. I thought I was going to die from lack of sleep. I suffer from OCD and GAD also so I don't know if this plays into this.

Does anyone else hardly experience depression and mostly deals with the manic end?

For me mixed episodes are the worst, hands down - although I have never experienced pure psychotic mania. I tend to be deeply depressed, hypomanic or mixed. When I am mixed I become wild and crazy. Sleep is hard to find but I feel so desperate for it, as an escape from the hell I am in. Often I am extremely suicidal, volotile, full of rage and vey delusional. Meds can be poured into me and I still pace, unable to rest. I want to cut my body into a million pieces or do other kinds of violence to myself. My thoughts race and tend towards darkness. All my suicide attempts have occured while in mixed states. It is always a miracle to me that I survive these states. I shudder now just thinking about it.

I don't know if I've ever been in a mixed state. It's depression and mania at the same time?

Depression with sui

You have to meet the criteria for both Major Depression and Mania at the same time.

Mixed episodes or Mania when it gets too high and scary and irritable.

I have been sitting in a dark room for 4yrs and for the last year I have been rapid cycling and I feel like I've lost part of my reasoning capcity

This has been my experience as well. I have had some depression, but not nearly as much as most of the people with bipolar I have met. Sometimes I have crying spells, but my new AD has nipped that in the bud. I'm usually a pretty happy girl. It's when I get too happy that the problems begin. I mostly experience occasional mania and sometimes a mixed episode. But I've never had a depression where I felt I could not get out of bed. I have heard so many others that suffer that way and it makes me feel so bad for them.

I'm glad to know that I am not the only one that experiences BP the way I do.

I was beginning to question things even though I have been diagnosed BP by several pdocs. There are just so many people on here that I see that go thru depression for months or even years at a time and it is severe depression, where mine is just a couple of days but is not debilitating like there's is. I just seem to deal with the highs, no psychosis so far thank God. I had rapid cycling once and mixed once. I also feel so bad for everyone else as well that deals with the severe depression. My sister has depression, not BP thank goodness, and she will end up in bed for days at a time. It's hard to watch.

This is allot like me. But the one mixed episode that I had was hell on earth.

For me it's the depression, hands down. The hypomania just has me incredibly creative and productive, feeling on top of the world and ready to take on absolutely anything. This is a disruptive time too, however, since I often make commitments I don't stand a chance of keeping.

The depression takes me to a very scary, dark place. At this time I need a lot of support.

The paranoid state I get sometimes between mania and depression when I cycle. The last time was horrifying and I hope to never get that bad again.

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They are all life changing, but mixed is literally like hell moved and relocated in your mind and body.

The depression has by far been most disruptive, particularly when it converts into a mixed episode which for me is a miserably agitated depression complicated by impulsive suicidality. Yuck.

The most disruptive, by far, is the depression. It completely destroys me and is seemingly endless.

The most disturbing, however, is the mania because I act in ways that I just don't feel are "me" and that I almost always regret.