Creating consistency

When I was 19 I stayed at my sister in laws house for two weeks. It made an impression on me that still affects my life in a positive way.

One day I asked if she had a phonebook. She immediatly went to a cupboard and got it. Then I asked for a pen and paper - she opened an organised drawer and pointed. Inside were little containers with everything a person could want. pens, notepads, paperclips, safety pins, rubber bands - all in their seperate compartments.

I think my mouth dropped open. I realized, that week had been the first time I had lived in an organized home. I reflected that I hadn't had much anxiety that week. That there was an underlining feeling of stability in that home that I hadn't known prior.

I spent the second week observing this strange creature who always got up and went to bed at the same time. She always looked together. Her make up done, clothes unwrinkled. Who could juggle a full time job, 3 boys, and a husband. A clean home, supper on the table each night at the same time. The beds made daily, the clothes in the drawers were folded - even underwear - folded. She made life seem effortless. Just a movement from task to task without seeming frazzled. How was this possible?

I thought, if organization came make things seem more calm, I want some in my life. But what comes easy to one person can seem impossible to another. Especially if their life is ruled by inconsistency due to mental illness.

I mean, how can we? When one day is so different from the next, is consistency possible? When we have no idea what we will wake up to? For me, the last two days were normal, today I only slept 3 hours and am fending off delusional thinking as best I can. Scatter brained and inconsistent. I am connected to nothing, and floating in memory.

That reminds me, I have to take my meds (been up 4 hours and forgot).

Okay, back and ready to go: Creating consistency - how can we feel like we are just living if we rigidly write out a daily schedule? This doesn't work for me. As much as I want to be my sister in law, I cannot live this tightly and feel allowed to exist as is.

What I have learned to do is watch my hands.

When I notice my mind starting to wander, I try to look at my hands and see what they heck they are doing. Example: washing a dish, use my eyes - look - see - do.

By learning to live in the moment, I have shed some of the frazzled erratic feelings about my lack of control over my life. If my body is walking across the floor, I try to have my brain aware of my feet.

This simple definition of how to exist in the time and place I am in is how I occasionally achieve that feeling of calm.

That and trying to remember it is easier to return a pen to the pen cup then to find a pen that is missing.

One step at a time.

I think you are doing one of the most important things we can do for out mental health which is learning to stay in the present moment.

Getting organized is a process and takes time. I can't really remember when I figured out that going bed at a certain time and getting up at a certain time became important to me. I found that my mental health stayed more even if I kept to a regular schedule. I've slowly started to get more organized and have found it to really help when I'm feeling depressed. I have systematically gone through most of the drawers and cabinets trying to find a place for everything. Not only can I find things but I got quite a sense of accomplishment.

You can do it! It takes 30 days to form a habit. The first 30 is making a conscience effort which is where the struggle comes in. For instance, I always wanted a morning workout. I didn't know where to begin. When I got hospitalized for a few weeks, I was bored so I built a program which I did every morning. When I got out I kept it up. Granted it's only been 3 weeks, but now I don't feel right if I skip a morning. I've been doing it ever since.

Also, being obsessive about cleaning helps. I can't stand a mess, but I'm not like your sister. My drawers are a wreck.

I definitely feel much better with routine and consistency in my day Helps keep me calmer and not get so overwhelmed about the simple things. It a great habit to get into and I am glad you are realizing this.

Hi there!

What you call "creating consistency" is what my pdoc has forever been touting: having a "routine" that stays the same every day of the week. This is not to say that things have to be rigid and by clockwork, but rather they just need to be done in a timely manner (most days).

I'm so bad, I skipped sleeping last night. So somewhere in today's schedule I'm going to need to fit in sleep time. (Sigh, the ongoing insomniac that I am.) Anyways, it's a new year and I've already been working on this aspect of my routine for some time. Like the other poster said, it takes time to develop new habits (routines).

Overlapping all this is my tendency to slouch off and get behind on housework and other routines, creating backlogs and lots of chaos sometimes. So this decluttering habit is another area I'm working on, and I've even read loads of how-to books just how to tackle this issue. But I'm determined. I realize as someone with both ADD and sza/bipolar type, that my executive functioning areas -- i.e., the ability to just getting going and tackling jobs, as well as making decisions, etc. -- are the reason I am how I am. Nonetheless, bit by bit, I've come a long way and believe I can someday have my home the sanctuary the way I prefer it to be: orderly and set up in the manner I best love and cherish.

Sorry for the lengthy response! Your post hit a nerve that I particularly recognize.

Best wishes to you.

The thing about a schedule is after 30 days it should be en-grand into your head.
I have a few rules that I try to stick to:

1. When using the bathroom in the morning you have to shower and dress before leaving.
2. Clothing is hung in outfits (shirt, pants, underwear, & socks) So, if I do nothing at all at least I'm dressed
3. I keep a large bowl with hot water in it for easy dishes (we use a griddle instead of pans)
4. We keep clorox wipes in the kitchen. When we serve food or finish cooking we wipe of stove & counter.
5. When we use the bathroom at night. We put a new set of cloths in the bathroom and wipe down the toilet with a clorox wipe and go to bed

Great thread. Consistency and routine can definitely serve as an anchor.

I find I cannot keep up with the mess created by the 5 people in my home. I haaaaate living in a mess but I simply cannot keep up. Even running at full steam I am always behind. OTOH I don't want to spend every moment of my life energy doing dishes. It's a challenge. But yes, the benefits of living in a clean, tidy, organized home are numerous.

I'm so haphazard it's unreal. My job is by the phone call, whenever it rings. Bedtime is whenever. But I can't stand a mess.

Sounds like a very Zen approach to handling things, bringing yourself to the now and here.

Very cool -- I do this with (regularly..ha!) scheduled meditation.