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#1
Feb 13, 2015, 01:04 AM
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I'm gonna try to whittle this down into something simple. Maybe four weeks ago I started getting depressed but that sort of depressed where you are still functioning just pretty ticked off about it. Then about two weeks ago, I started feeling violently and desperately depressed. Constant visions of deaths and suicide even in sleep, reckless angry behavior, getting black out drunk...that sort of thing. So it gets worse and worse,I'm still functioning including workouts and sex and social obligations but I start planning my suicide. Part of me knows that it's just the illness and not me, so I start having these awful panic attacks. I know it's because I'm terrified about how bad I'm getting. (It's been ten years since I was this crazy,and I did try to kill myself twice)
So yesterday I had a panic attack at work that made me such a mess. I didn't even sleep last night, because I couldn't turn my brain off. This morning I got up and went for my run, and I was feeling really terrible. Then I made breakfast and went to work, and wham! Three o'clock hits, and I'm a new woman! My energy skyrocketed as well as my mood! I've felt great since. I've gotten so much done, and the only bothersome part has been this rushing, electric feeling coursing through my veins. It feels like an agitated mania but with an elated mood. What is going on!? I'm terrified that the crash or the energy from this is wildly dangerous. My meds are all the same lithium, seroquel, lamictal. Or can I? Do I get to rejoice in a turn of mood? It seems like a precarious kind of happy I've found. I'm confused also because generally depression is paralyzing not wild and dangerous? Any help/advice/ shared experiences would help. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Last edited by furiousfever; Feb 13, 2015 at 01:22 AM. |
 Nammu
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#2
Feb 13, 2015, 01:23 AM
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I should also say that I'm seeing my pdoc about all of this on Tuesday and that I'm not feeling at all suicidal anymore.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
 Nammu
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#3
Feb 13, 2015, 10:07 AM
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Get rid of the drinking and sex and the top part of your thread could be me. Lots of suicidal thoughts, worse I've been in 20 years, scared that I will act on my sui plans.
I haven't had the sudden jump to hypo, but I have had days with chronic aggitated mind, but not a happy one. My meds were changed and I am waiting to go up but so far still quite depressed. People here say that if you are feeling good and there is no harm to yourself or others to enjoy it, but I always question it and worry about it. Basically I have no decent advice for you, but I wish you the best and hope your mood stabilizes
__________________
BP II --200 mg lamictal---900mg lithium---.5 xanax |
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#4
Feb 13, 2015, 10:57 AM
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Thanks ozzy! It seems like such a strange thing to fear, doesn't it? I didn't sleep at all last night, so It probably isn't going anywhere good. Every time I close my eyes the buzzing/spinning gets too loud to take. I'm gonna call my pdoc and check in with her.
I'm sorry that you are suffering. Depression is awful. I hope you get headed up soon. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#5
Feb 13, 2015, 11:08 AM
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My really bad episodes have started with a mixed episode, followed by an insane mania, and finally followed by a horrendous depression. That is just me but it may be time for either a med change for you or a temporary increase in your lithium. I wish you the best of luck. Stay safe.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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#6
Feb 13, 2015, 11:16 AM
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That sounds like a pretty bad mixed state, which for me are the most dangerous times because i don't care if i get hurt or die, and i have agitated energy to burn. The result is reckless behavior, drinking, drugs, sex, whatever. During mixed states i'll have a few hours or a day of purely depression or purely hypomania, but then it all jumbles together again. It's the most excruciating and dangerous mood state for me. My thought is get in touch with your pdoc and try to put some breaks on this before you end up getting hurt, either purposefully or by accident. Take care...
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#7
Feb 13, 2015, 02:06 PM
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Thanks guys! I went in to see my pdoc and she tweaked my meds. Fingers crossed
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#8
Feb 13, 2015, 02:36 PM
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She added more lithium and some Ativan. I have a check in next week. If things aren't turned around, she suggested hospitalization. I've never experienced that and don't aim to.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#9
Feb 13, 2015, 05:48 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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