[wildflowerchild25]

Hi guys! I'm having a great day, GREAT, just great. I feel lighter than air, electrified, like I could do anything I want to do. I've been dancing the whole day, singing, talking, and moving. And it's been awesome.

Yup. Hypomania. There it is.

I was hesitant to label it as such because I was still tired at night, still sleeping for the last couple of days, but then I remembered I've had a cold and that **** wears you out. Tonight I don't feel tired. Today I didn't feel tired. I'd loooove to go out on the town, have some drinks, have a lot of drinks!!! But hubby doesn't want to, which is for the best I feel. We don't have the money to go bar hopping anyway. See that's why this is just hypomania, I'm still able to control my spending, knowing I have to pay bills and such. I'm able to swallow my joy and appear normal even though inside I want to just RUN AND DANCE AND PLAY.

(I danced on my own, out of sight, to get it out).

This comes after two weeks of depression, which again, I didn't want to label as such because it wasn't as bad as it has been before. It was general feeling down, feeling overwhelmed at my job, hating myself. Culminated in a huge crying episode while my husband was in the ER for kidney stones - as soon as I saw him in his gown on the gurney I just broke down. Cried for about a half hour, but he was zonked on pain meds so that was good. He wasn't bothering me.

But then I felt better. Normal. More positive. And kept feeling better and better and better until we arrive at yesterday when I was skipping through the halls at school.

I guess real stability is just a dream for me. But at least the episodes are blunted. If I can just stay out of the damn hospital for a whole year I will be happy.

[CANDC]

I am glad to hear you got over your cold. Since you have identified this as hypomania, I would have to agree it sounds like it.

Thank your husband. Alcohol and the meds you take are not likely a good combination. Check with your pharmacist or pdoc.

I would think about calling the psychiatrist and describe the mania and the depression and ask if anything could be done to stabilize those moods without serious side affects.

[Brophy]

I think that most of the people with any form of Bipolar disorder go through the feelings you're addressing now. Yes meds can help, yes therapy can help, yes for some people they are able to do neither of those and get on okay but what I've found for the most part is the jarring aspect of bipolar diagnosis and recognition is the fact that it is permanent. I often have to remind myself that I AM NOT BIPOLAR, which is to say that I am more than the disorder itself. While saying "I have bipolar" feels like bandwagoning the latest craze in pity parties it doesn't make it any less true. I hope that you find peace with Bipolar, I know I am still searching for my own.

[bipolarman]

I know what you're going through. I felt "lighter than air" and only needed two hours sleep every two days for a week recently. Only antipsychotics could keep me stable enough to sleep, and even then i'm only sleeping 5 or 6 hours nightly rather than my usual healthy 7 or 8.

This all whilst taking antidepressants and lithium.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'd like to go back to the time when I didn't think I had bipolar. Even though I cycled it didn't bother me because I thought it was normal. I would go up without worrying about it and go down with th knowledge that it wouldn't last. It was nice, being able to just enjoy hypomania. Of course, that was before full blown manic or mixed episodes or psychosis came into play. I feel like I turned a corner when I went manic then psychotic last spring and I can never get my old self back. I can no longer deny my illness. I'd like to.

But I'm working on just enjoying this high. I don't think it will get to be full blown as the ECT and meds have seemed to "cap" the episodes. I can live like this. I couldn't live with the extremities before the ECT. I just hope it lasts for awhile.

I was calmer today. Still a lot of dancing but I was able to spend most of the snowy Sunday reading a book. Finished the whole thing. I have tomorrow off for president's day and a possible snow day on Tuesday, if the storm does what the weather says. A few days to be me with no judgement as long as my husband doesn't see.