Withdrawing From College?

I woke up this morning got ready, and everything. Laid back down trying to get a little more rest, but I can't stop thinking. Thinking about I can't do this. I already miss too much school. When I went back Thursday, yes, I was lost, yet determined to catch up and pass. I know I can, yet I can't. I'm thinking about withdrawing, but if I do I will be under academic suspension for a year. That can be a year for me to heal. I can't do this right now especially when I'm not well. I need to get better. And hey, I can just get a certification for something. Because right now, I don't want to go to college then again I do. I feel like people will judge and be like "You're a college drop out!" Well, it's better than being a high school drop out, I suppose. My family were determined that I will go to college. " Jessica is so smart! She can be a doctor!" In fact, I don't even know what I want to be. I'm so indecisive about everything. I'm so scared of my family because they will be disappointed, but I can't. Not right now.

I don't know what to do.

It's only been a week on my new medicine, and I already think it needs to be increased.... Ughhhhhhh

I feel like I struggled the same way my last semester of college (after I was diagnosed). It was hard and I had to drop out of some of the more difficult courses. I only needed a few to graduate. So I told myself, I would stay in college and see it through to the end. And that's what I did. Like you, I knew I needed to take strides to get better from my bipolar. My only two goals were: finish school, and get better. That's all. When you simplify your life like that (throw out extracurriculars, too many relationships (keep the most important ones, the rest can wait around for a while)), then it is a manageable goal to work your way through school.

Just remember the feeling that tells you "you can't do it" is the voice of the disease. YOU CAN DO IT!!! You don't need to take a year off to heal. You can do that while you are in school, so long as you focus only those two things.

God bless you. If you have any questions please let me know. I was diagnosed with bp1 2 years ago while in college, and now I am a straight-A student in medical school. It can be done. When I thought I couldn't do it, I simplified my priorities, curled my toes into the mud, and go down to it. It is hard, but once the depression or mania lifts, everything in life will be easier again.

I'm struggling through university right now. I've dropped out twice, and once I finish this year I'm going to take the summer off, and possibly the fall term as well so I can focus on my health.

I know it's hard to think about what others might say about taking time off of school, but it's really not a race. You can take your time and really get what you need from school.

Sometimes I think higher education isn't really the place for me right now, and sometimes I'm a really good student. I just take advantage of the good times, and tell myself if I need time off to get myself better (like right now/after this spring term) I will do it.

The great thing about college is you can go back whenever it suits you. Maybe not to the same school but somewhere. Hell my mom's back in college and she's 55 years old. I dropped out of my first college when I was 18 after just six weeks - I overdosed on otc meds and spent a week in the hospital. It just wasn't the right time for me. I went back at 20 after stabilizing and made it through the whole four years.

This year I started school for my special Ed certification but had to drop out after one class. I just couldn't handle it. I have no plans to go back right now. But I know I can when things are more stable for me.

In short don't feel too bad about having to withdraw if that's what you choose to do.

I struggled through my first 2 years but still put intense pressure on myself (had to keep a 4.0 still had a home & daughter to care for) but when I got to third year I slammed into a wall-I just couldn't handle it so I withdrew & took some time off. When I went back I jumped in with both feet & graduated with honors-there is no shame in taking time off to heal & figure out what you really want to do. My family was not supportive of my going to school (although they bragged when I was in the local paper) nor were they supportive when I took time off. With therapy I'm finally starting to let myself acknowledge that is on them not me. Take care

Such wonderful stories!
I talk to the school therapist Thursday and I'm going to talk to her about it.
I was sleeping all day. I thought it was Zyprexa making me sleep all day, but they took me off of it. I think it's a depression phase.

Hey butterfly. Glad you're going to talk to the therapist. It is good to have regular meetings of that sort.

Try to make small goals for every day. I know it is hard. Maybe tomorrow you can get out of bed for a few hours and go for a walk. Something simple. Doesn't have to be that much. Just try have a goal in mind so you can will yourself forward. Depression is hard work. If you like to go to spinning class you'll understand what I mean, but it's like everybody else has their resistance low on their bike. With depression, the resistance is all the way up. That's just the nature of the disease and sometimes there's nothing you can do to change that for a while.

While you can't bike as fast as everyone around you, you can still bike slow and steady with the resistance high. It's all about your life and moving forward. Life may seem unendurable to you today, but you must keep going forward. I believe you can make it through school, but even if you end up deciding to take some time off, you have to have a goal in mind that you can work towards a little bit every day. Even if its at a snail's pace.

And by the way, even though others out in the world can't see how hard your bike is set, and may even think you are "lazy", us in here understand your struggle. And we applaud you for fighting through your mental illness. If your mind is sick, let your heart lead you. God bless.

Thank you! I hate it when people think I'm lazy because they don't understand. I appreciate everybody's support here. Y'all make my life worth living.

Something I've found that's really helped me right now is to just try and become ok with not being ok, if you know what I mean. I stopped freaking out that everything was horrible and just tried to accept it, accept that things aren't ok, and I found my attitude towards myself is starting to improve. By accepting that things aren't ok, somehow I become at least a little more ok. Hard to explain, hard to do, but it's definitely helped me.

Hi butterflypower,

This is certainly a situation that I can see you are thinking about.

Yes, either decision you make, you will move forward with this decision.

Sometimes, in my personal opinion, it's mental health first.

Everything else is irrelevant, including your fears of what others may think of your decision, as in, it is not too much of their business.

Take care of yourself.