[Becoming]

Title says it. That's what I want to do.

I finally realized I idolize my ex. This is why it's hard for me to let go of her and everything that happened. Deep down, I know she's not the person I want to believe she is. She was actually very mean, rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. I can say all that and still have a hard time believing it. I need to get her off the pedestal.

Does anyone have advice on how I can remember and acknowledge who she really is? So that thinking of her occurs less often and isn't so painful.

Also, newish topic: I always feel abandoned when most people leave my life, don't talk to me much, or do not invite me places and talk about plans right in front of me like I am invisible. It's not a good feeling. How can I shake it?

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SkeletonHeart]

Uhm Idk how to help, I mostly feel like a loner. lol. But try to do something that makes you happy, like a hobby or soemthing fun. Go watch movies, go do something fun, hope i helped sorry if I didnt.

[kaliope]

when i was trying to leave my marriage, i felt guilty because he appeared on the surface to be such a "nice" guy. i had to compile a list of all the terrible things i had gone through with him to give me the strenght to get out so i would stop thinking about the "good". as for the abandonment, my feelings would be hurt too, but i get over it. im not diagnosing here but you mention two things, strong feelings of abandonmnet and putting people on pedestals. both are traits common to borderline. have you talked with your therapist about this?

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by SkeletonHeart

Uhm Idk how to help, I mostly feel like a loner. lol. But try to do something that makes you happy, like a hobby or soemthing fun. Go watch movies, go do something fun, hope i helped sorry if I didnt.

Yeah, hobbies and fun stuff are always good.

Originally Posted by kaliope

when i was trying to leave my marriage, i felt guilty because he appeared on the surface to be such a "nice" guy. i had to compile a list of all the terrible things i had gone through with him to give me the strenght to get out so i would stop thinking about the "good". as for the abandonment, my feelings would be hurt too, but i get over it. im not diagnosing here but you mention two things, strong feelings of abandonmnet and putting people on pedestals. both are traits common to borderline. have you talked with your therapist about this?

Maybe I ought to sit down with myself, write out how awful she actually was, and read it every time I find myself idolizing her in order to break the habit.
It's also hard because I feel stupid that I would pick someone like her let alone stay with her when things turned sour. I'm ready to be done giving her mind space.

I did tell my therapist that I idolize her. My therapist is also aware that I suck at letting people go, but I never mentioned feeling abandoned specifically. That's not the first time someone suggested I have those traits though. Nonetheless, if I do, it might just be traits and not the full thing.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It's been twenty years since my divorce and i still get intrusive thoughts about my x -- especially when i go shopping in his end of town. I have never seen him, tho. I don't idolize him -- lots of times i'm angry with him. But a hate affair is just the flip side of a love affair. The healthy attitude would be one of indifference.

I think it's natural to think of someone who had such an enormous impact on my life. He's the only person i've been close to as an adult and i told him EVERYTHING -- to my deep regret. We were married and i planned to spend the rest of my life with him. It only follows that i will still think of him from time to time even twenty years after the fact.

I think of him LESS, tho, as time goes on. It's only natural to be preoccupied with someone right after a break-up, especially if it was against your will.

I've been diagnosed with traits of borderline.

It gets easier. Getting busy with other things helps. I hope you get some relief soon.

I agree that it sounds borderline.

Maybe talk to your therapist about that.