BP & Relationships

So BP has caused a lot of issues in our lives right? We can all agree on that I think. What types of problems has it caused in your relationships w/ your s.o.'s? It literally has cancelled my wedding, called off/ended my engagement multiple times. I was supposed to get married last July and about 4 weeks before the wedding, we cancelled everything. We have gotten into so many HUGE fights, he has taken the ring back probably 4-5 times now. I'm actually ringless right now. My BEAUTIFUL dress still is hanging at his mom's house, waiting for our "perfect day". Now I don't know if that day will ever come.

The thing is, every time we argue, he throws out "I can't talk to you when your manic!!" every single time. I'm NOT manic 24/7. Sometimes he just p's me off and I'm angry. Just because I'm angry doesn't mean I'm manic. He thinks' because he has a degree in Sociology with a minor in Psych that he "knows everything" about human behavior and all that's related to psychology. When we're "good" he'll say "I know it's not your fault, and you can't help it..." but when we're fighting it's a whole different story.

My daughter and I are moving out (as soon as I can get the money for a deposit and all that goes into getting a place) as "we can't live in the same house if you're not going to follow the rules we set for each other, blah blah blah... you need to have your own place where you can do your own thing your way and not have to worry about checking in with me blah blah blah..."

What are your experiences with BP and relationships? Do they EVER work???

UUGGHH....

Relationships can work when one or both people have mental illness. I am married and have been with my wife on and off since middle school. Finally after all these years took the plunge and got married.

It is hard work though. My wife is a stable woman. We both work and unfortunately, I am ill. I have put her through unimaginable things but as long as the communication stays open, it can work. The fact is, my wife will talk to to me no matter what state I am in because that is the only way a relationship will work. The other party has to have knowledge and understanding of the illness. But its not easy by any means.

They can work. I'm also a little schizoid though, and that makes harder for me. I haven't been in relationship or even on a date for several years. At one point I did have a boyfriend that I lives with ands loved, but part way through our year living together I had a depressive and then hypomanic episode. This was before I was diagnosed. I couldn't talk to him. He left me.

I think they can work only because I have seen cases where they have. But like CI said, "the other party has to have knowledge and understanding of the illness."

We are unfortunately not easy people to be with, so their true understanding can help make it work.

On the other hand, it's also trying to keep the mental illness in check/not letting it control you. Once it gets a grip on you, then you're not you and tons of things can go wrong. That's when it gets to a dangerous point and if the other person doesn't care enough then it won't work.

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Both people need to be on board and responsible for there place/part in the relationship..

You need to try and get your BP under control, yeah its hell and seems impossible at times but you just have to keep trying , improve coping skills.

He should see a Therapist to help him understand how to help you and keep himself healthy. He needs to learn you can be upset and it have nothing to do with BP.

The threats and back and forth isn't good for either of you. Resentment can build up and ruin everything .

Couples therapy would help you both learn how to fight fair.... All couples MI or not need to learn how to fight fair.

Good Luck

I've told him he needs to see a counselor many times. He refuses. He has never taken ownership of our problems on me. Everything has always been my fault. We have been together 2 years, and EVERY single argument/fight has been instigated by HIM. NOT ONCE have I EVER gotten mad at him first, or started a fight. NOT ONCE. We just got into another fight just now, and of course, he once again blamed me, and the bipolar. I don't see this relationship working out for the long term. He can't own his part in the problems, he deMANDED that I see a therapist, yet is not willing to do so himself. He keeps asking (and did so again just 2 minutes ago) "Hows that house hunting going?" I only work part time, and each check only covers (barely) my car payment, and my phone bill. That's it! He's unemployed and his MOM pays his bills for him!! I don't have that luxury!!!! I told him, "trust me, as soon as I can get the money to get all the deposits, and rent together, I'm the F out of here!" UUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've had my fair share of relationship problems as well. when i'm depressed its "you wont let me love you" or "nothing i do can make you happy", or after a bout or 2 of mania they're just right out the door. They all knew i had BP but i feel like those w/o it will have a very difficult time understanding and / or wanting to deal with it long term..

I've recently considered the benefits of being in a relationship with someone else like me. I could see that going extraordinarily well, as both parties would be able to relate to the swings, be able to help each other keep on top of meds, therapy, and routine, and know what how to better handle the situation when one party is in the depths of an episode... The other side of that coin is the relationship would be a total catastrophe.

..And I'm actually in a bit of a sticky situations with potentially starting one right now.