[sleepless0515]

So, as I posted before; I'm going through a mixed episode.

I have two toddlers, very close in age. This morning, my husband wasn't able to take our children to daycare before he went to work, so I was to take them on my way to work. They are your usual busy toddlers. By 9:30, I was having a panic attack, unable to deal with the stress of parenthood. I left the house much earlier than I should have just to get them to daycare. Dealing with them, without the help of my husband, was definitely a trigger.

I feel horrible, I feel like I'm a horrible mom, and that my kids deserve a better mother than one that avoids dealing with them, alone, because of her own issues.

you're not a terrible mom at all. you simply have an illness which makes it hard to cope with certain things, and that's okay. it doesn't take away the love you have for your children. you clearly care about them a lot and they will be grateful for you in the future.

First off, you are a great mom because you recognize that your condition is affecting your motherly abilities and that you care about it. This too shall pass. You have two great kids that will love you unconditionally. I hope you for a speedy recovery.

[jacky8807]

I know what you are feeling. At the better times i fakw it till i make it
At the worst times i go impatient because i need the big time help and the kids sreing me that sick wouldnt be good
Take care of you my dear

[jacky8807]

Oh and btw you are not a horrible mom....two toddlers is a lot of work and you have alot on your plate
Plz dont beat yourself up...it really does no good in the end
Repeat yo yourself how amazing you are and you will find a way!
From my own experience. ..guilt is soo counterproductive

[ChaoticSymphony]

Only good moms question or wonder whether they are good moms. Bad moms wouldn't give a crap. Bad moms would drop their kids off at daycare while they are feeling great so they can do something they want to do for fun. I worked at a daycare and saw this. Maybe you could voice your needs to your hubs so he can take a little more on until you are feeling better.

[butterflypower]

You're a good mother because you are concerned about them. <3

[Mimielam]

I feel you're concern, my opinion is that you did great, you where in a panic attack and took them to daycare..how did the rest of the day go? Have you had the chance to talk to you're husband about it. or someone who knows you and can help you to cope with the feelings.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((sleepless)))

Hang in there.

There intrusive thoughts can be nasty during a mixed episode and it can be hard to ignore them.

[sleepless0515]

Thank you all for the great support! You guys have given me a much needed morale boost, yesterday! I don't know what I would have done without the support of the members of this great community!

[sleepless0515]

Originally Posted by Mimielam

I feel you're concern, my opinion is that you did great, you where in a panic attack and took them to daycare..how did the rest of the day go? Have you had the chance to talk to you're husband about it. or someone who knows you and can help you to cope with the feelings.

I did call my husband in the middle of my attack. He was a great moral support as well. He kept telling me that these intrusive thoughts were not real. Even with his busy schedule, he kept supporting me, and sending me texts to help me through the day. He's my rock. I don't know what I would do without him, or this wonderful forum where I get some much needed support.

[ozzy1313]

My kids are 13 and 15 and I have felt like a bad mother from day 1. Very little patience, and too wrapped up in my own head. The guilt and shame I have over parenting can be overwhelming at times and I have often thought of running away so my husband can find a nicer woman to mother them.

My therapist tries to tell me I am not a bad mom. That bc I worry it means I care, etc. But I still sometimes wonder if they are better off with or without me.

She also tells me that I am here everyday. They have a stable house- I am here physically all the time and they never go without.

I am sure that to your children you are a wonderful mom and they love you. Give yourself some credit and some slack. They are taken care of and you love them. And know that you are not alone in this worry! Also want to add, you have toddlers, even in the very BEST of situations toddlers are stressful!

[indigoChild337]

Originally Posted by sleepless0515

So, as I posted before; I'm going through a mixed episode.

I have two toddlers, very close in age. This morning, my husband wasn't able to take our children to daycare before he went to work, so I was to take them on my way to work. They are your usual busy toddlers. By 9:30, I was having a panic attack, unable to deal with the stress of parenthood. I left the house much earlier than I should have just to get them to daycare. Dealing with them, without the help of my husband, was definitely a trigger.

I feel horrible, I feel like I'm a horrible mom, and that my kids deserve a better mother than one that avoids dealing with them, alone, because of her own issues.

Sleepless,
I am a mother as well. I know too well the sensations of stress and panic you are describing. However, I have just the opposite problem. I do not trust anyone else to care for more three year old better than I can. My break comes when his father (clearly the more active parents) takes him out for the day or has him for the weekend. These days are very important to me and my ability to parent the way I want to. I am not working right now as I returned to school this year, so I spend a lot of time at home. At times, it can feel like I am trapped and completely overwhelmed. That said, it is important to know your limits especially when you feel disabled by your symptoms. Do not feel guilty about utilizing your resources. I always making up for these afternoons apart by doing something one and one and meaningful with my son the next time I am feeling more stable. Lately I have been dangerously depressed and it has been so difficult as he is very active. I just want to sleep and cry all day. When I don't have this need met, I become very irritable. This is just a small insight into my day. My point is, you are not alone.

Thank you for your post. I think it is important as mother, sane or not, often feel inadequate. Best wishes.

[Love&Toil]

I can really relate to your post. I have been in that position many times where I feel like I am not able to cope with parenting. It's just a phase. It passes. It's temporary. There are ups and downs, ebb and flow. Sometimes we have off days, down days, bad days. But there is the other side too, the up days, the beautiful positive days. Just because you had a bad day doesn't mean you are a bad mother. And you are certainly NOT alone... there are many among us who have felt like we needed help. We're not supposed to be parenting in silos. Humans are communal beings and we were designed to need help of other humans when we have young children and at any age.

Ozzy1313 - thank you for posting what your T says about being there, being stable, caring, etc. I too have to remind myself at times off all the positives when I am feeling so black and low and triggered. Deep breath.

FYI, I feel the same way. I think a lot of mothers with mental illness feel this way.