I've observed bipolar world for awhile now and I've noticed that just having the label completely changes people for the worst. The weight of a diagnosis seems to be more than they can bare than the illness itself. Bipolar is treatable for the most part for most, but the thought that they are bipolar is enough to make these folks quit life. It makes me sad to see good people crumble. Has it affected you this way? Were you able to climb out of this way of thinking? Or am I like just imagining it?

[raspberrytorte]

I didn't care about the bipolar diagnosis/label thing until I had an episode of psychosis. So the symptoms are what I find frightening! Not soul crushing...just scary. I don't know if I have the correct diagnosis or not, and didn't care, but now I do and have this frantic urge to be told what I have because obviously something is not normal here!

[Disorder7]

It's not the label that's crushing me. It's the hallucinations, the inability to remember or concentrate, and when I'm mixed....well, the desire to hurt people.
Meds haven't cured anything, therapy hasn't cured it, either. And the older I get, the worse the symptoms become.

I'm glad to know it's a treatable illness. Maybe one day, I will be better.

[Capriciousness]

I don't think it crushed me. I found it helpful to have a peg to hang this **** on but it did definitely take time to wrap my head around the fact that I HAD this thing that I thought only happened to other people.

[~Christina]

Nah, Not crushed here. It did make me sit up and pay attention and learn ways to help manage my shyt better.

There are worse things in life that can crumble me to dust , Bipolar is way way down on that list.

[BlackSheep79]

Maybe I'm off topic, maybe not. The other day I was thinking about the words "Bipolar Disorder." I began to think about the word "Disorder" and what that means to me, and maybe to others. I mean other illnesses that aren't mental illnesses that I can think of are not disorders, example Crohn's Disease, etc. If you look in the thesaurus you see words like mess or dysfunctional. And yes those words are not necessarily relative to the way it is meant as far as a medical term, but for me and maybe others "Disorder" is a negative word. It had me thinking, is this why there is such a stigma? Is this why some of us have quit life, like AlwaysChanging2 talked about? Maybe I should shut up, I'm not trying to offend anyone, but it was something I was thinking about.

[BipolaRNurse]

I've never been a big fan of the term "disorder". It sounds like chaos is erupting somewhere. But in the case of mental illness, that's pretty much what's happening in our brains.

As for the diagnosis, I didn't really experience it as soul-crushing. It explained a lot about the way I'd been all my life. What was difficult was mourning the loss of the person I'd thought I was. Now I look back and see that I had this thing since I was very young, but I went undiagnosed until I was 53. My self-image was tied up in my work and my family, and getting the diagnosis changed everything.

Now I'm the bipolar friend, the bipolar blogger, the bipolar nurse (who can't work as one anymore thanks to the disease). But outside BP, I'm also a wife, mother, grandmother, church member, forum moderator (for another website), and all-around decent, if flawed, human being. Bipolar cannot ruin any of that for me. It took me quite a while to understand that.

I think I was preoccupied with it while I learned about it, but certainly not crushed. Now it is just one of the things I know about myself that I have to manage (among other things). I wouldn't say it at all dominates my life at this point. It did for a few years while I was pretty unstable and learning to manage, but now that I'm pretty stable, it isn't something I spend a great deal of time thinking about. It is actually a small aspect of who I am.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Nah, Not crushed here. It did make me sit up and pay attention and learn ways to help manage my shyt better.

There are worse things in life that can crumble me to dust , Bipolar is way way down on that list.

Yah, rather bipolar in the EU than label-less in Donetsk. Or Syria. Or one of the countries where you can died cause of lack of clean water or whatnot.

My soul is not great to be crushed by some artbitrary label. The actual symptoms are much more pressing.

[Sunnyhunny00]

For me, it was sorta a relief. I would cry and cry during a depressive state asking what's wrong with me!?! Why can't I be normal! I knew I was different, I knew when I fell, I fell HARD. I questioned why and thought... "This is just me. This is just who I am," and I didn't have any hope.

When I was dx with BP, I felt such a weight come off my shoulders. This isn't me, this isn't who who I am.... It is an illness. I finally had hope in me. I might have to take meds, but at least I had answers. Suddenly, I knew those hard times wasn't because of my perosnality and that to me was comforting.

[Trippin2.0]

It's never been soul crushing for me either, it was a pure light bulb moment.


I was like "I knew I was crazy!!!! At last I know what kinda crazy!"


What did manage to weigh me down soon after my dx was perceiving myself as ill, diseased and thus doomed for life.


Since I've chosen to no longer do so, my symptoms have become more manageable for the most part.


I am no longer hopeless, because I choose to view myself differently to the main stream ill model.


I'm wired differently and have to live in accordance with this difference in order to achieve maximum quality of life.


I am not by any means in denial about how serious BP is, but for my own sanity, it was imperative I makes changes in how I view myself. Therapists agree that its the healthiest way for me to live in harmony with my beast.


Thankfully, no stigma here, not from friends, loved ones, colleagues or employers.

So no reason for me to stigmatize myself.

I guess that I should add my own thoughts.

I'm glad to see such strong people on here, but I wonder if someone bothered about it would actually post under this topic.

It's true, for me it was a great relief that finally has explained my first 43 years, well part of it. The other part turns out to be this DID thing, but anyways, I'm not bashful of my illness. I kinda wear it as a badge of honor. I don't throw it into people's faces, well, maybe I do every now and then, but not in a bad way. I just unashamedly explain it.

People know I'm off. The more I tried to hide it before I knew what it was, the more off I became trying to look normal. I now feel free to be me!

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I've observed bipolar world for awhile now and I've noticed that just having the label completely changes people for the worst. The weight of a diagnosis seems to be more than they can bare than the illness itself. Bipolar is treatable for the most part for most, but the thought that they are bipolar is enough to make these folks quit life. It makes me sad to see good people crumble. Has it affected you this way? Were you able to climb out of this way of thinking? Or am I like just imagining it?

It has affected me this way. I am very depressed, was before, but now moreso that I was diagnosed a little over a week ago. I've spent a lot of time crying and looking back at my life and all the signs, lack of help/support, etc. and can't pull myself together.

Originally Posted by scarednstuff

It has affected me this way. I am very depressed, was before, but now moreso that I was diagnosed a little over a week ago. I've spent a lot of time crying and looking back at my life and all the signs, lack of help/support, etc. and can't pull myself together.

Awww hun, everybody does at first. Nobody wants official notice that they are mentally ill. It took me awhile to come into full acceptance. Even today I get a thought of denial every now and then even though it's obvious that I am. The best thing that you can do now is goto therapy, hang out on this forum, research the illness, make friends here, ask questions, and learn about the meds. After awhile when it makes sense, you'll get it.

The people that I was depicting are those that fell from high positions, got treatment, got better, but then floundered and became a recluse because they seem to be disappointed in life and themselves, or for the shame of what they became, or what I don't know. I'm just curios as to what does that too a person.

But you dear, this is an opportunity to make your life better than what it was a couple weeks ago because now you are being treated. There is hope for you now. I didn't get diagnosed till 43, and I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy. You have an opportunity to a much better life from here on. Me 2.

For the first few years I rejected the diagnosis. When I kept getting hospitalized and having hallucinations I started to accept that there might be a problem. Sometimes I don't want to believe I have a mental illness, other days I accept it. I guess it is a little crushing to know that I will be bipolar for the rest of my life.

[lunaticfringe]

When I was first diagnosed, I was so embarrassed due to the stigma that I denied it for years. I think if it were not for the stigma I would have accepted it much sooner and would have been more on track with my treatment. Now I am in the process of fully accepting the illness (I dislike the word disorder too) and I only tell the people I trust most, and also others with BP like at support groups.

Maybe another good topic would be stigma and coming out about our diagnoses.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi

I am a little scatter brain due to my current episode and I honestly don't process much atm to be honest

Please forgive my current *scatterbrain* if I have missed the point to you post.

But I wanted to say this is how I personally feel:

I really couldn't care about my dx labels.

It's the least of my concerns.

I pick my battles.

It's a case of "so what" if you know what I mean.

It is of absolutely no significance to me whatsoever.

I have Bipolar.

I couldn't care about the label.

It holds absolutely no relevance or significance to me other than this -

I am acutely aware I have something inside me that I need to keep educating myself on.

It is important for my own wellbeing to be researched in this area so I can understand these mood changes.

I am glad that my pdoc has this name written down somewhere. All this means is that his medical background allows him to think about which medication we can work on together during times when I might be unwell.

I am glad that my psychologist has this funny name written down somewhere. She understands when I cry. She understands when I bounce around her office flinging my shoes across the room for no reason.

I am glad that I may be able to apologise when I am unwell to others or put protective and precautionary measures in place.

I am really glad someone decided to give me this label.

I just really couldn't care about the letters that are used in this label.

They could have labelled me anything really.

"Bipolar"?

No relevance to my personal feelings.

[manicattack]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I've observed bipolar world for awhile now and I've noticed that just having the label completely changes people for the worst. The weight of a diagnosis seems to be more than they can bare than the illness itself. Bipolar is treatable for the most part for most, but the thought that they are bipolar is enough to make these folks quit life. It makes me sad to see good people crumble. Has it affected you this way? Were you able to climb out of this way of thinking? Or am I like just imagining it?

I was diagnosed before WebMD got huge, so I never thought of it that way. I was glad that someone finally recognized why antidepressants never worked for me and why I tried to kill myself several times while taking them after having what seemed like a "GREAT" couple of days/weeks (aka mania).

It made it easier for me. "Okay, I'm bipolar. Now I know why X, Y, and Z happened and can take steps to prevent it."

Instead of, "I'm on antidepressants, so why do I still want to die?" or "why am I sleeping around with random people and spending god awful amounts of money I DON'T HAVE?" it was, "Now it makes sense...let's stop that."

And I did.

[Krizzy]

It's more soul crushing to know that something's wrong and not have a clear answer. I'm actually just starting therapy tomorrow, and finally getting that answer after so much patience is going to be a very comforting experience. I feel it will make me content.

I can however understand why people would drift off after finding out why, I've been there. It's more in the fear of not being able to operate in the world. You feel you will be sick forever, so you lose your way.

But then I started thinking "What's the point in these trivial ill feelings, none, they just spin you in circles, they make things pointless." Something sparked! Some sort of fire started inside me. I made it my mission to fix myself and I became determined.

Now when I drift off now and again, that fire always keeps me going. I learned not to think that way. I learned how to keep picking myself up no matter how many times I fall. I gave myself constant faith, even if one side of me always wanted to quit.

Originally Posted by Krizzy

It's more soul crushing to know that something's wrong and not have a clear answer. I'm actually just starting therapy tomorrow, and finally getting that answer after so much patience is going to be a very comforting experience. I feel it will make me content.

I can however understand why people would drift off after finding out why, I've been there. It's more in the fear of not being able to operate in the world. You feel you will be sick forever, so you lose your way.

But then I started thinking "What's the point in these trivial ill feelings, none, they just spin you in circles, they make things pointless." Something sparked! Some sort of fire started inside me. I made it my mission to fix myself and I became determined.

Now when I drift off now and again, that fire always keeps me going. I learned not to think that way. I learned how to keep picking myself up no matter how many times I fall. I gave myself constant faith, even if one side of me always wanted to quit.

I luv your attitude! Being freshly diagnosed is disheartening for most everyone at first, but everyone's got to now work towards total acceptance to get treatment to stick. The thing is, you haven't changed, just your paperwork! Now there is hope in your life for life to get better. That's more than you had before you got certified. Good luck and I'm rooting for you!

[Krizzy]

I luv your attitude! Being freshly diagnosed is disheartening for most everyone at first, but everyone's got to now work towards total acceptance to get treatment to stick. The thing is, you haven't changed, just your paperwork! Now there is hope in your life for life to get better. That's more than you had before you got certified. Good luck and I'm rooting for you!

You can't believe how much that means to me, Thank you. I hope the very best for you as well!

[bella4]

I can relate to the stigma of MI. Society itself has a stigma against MI, due to the lack of knowledge that causes that wedge; but what hurts me the most is the people around me that is supposed to be my support group. My family turns on me and talks behind my back to others, including my friends using the same stigma, for example, saying things like, “you better watch out, she is bipolar”, or “I wouldn’t listen to her, she is bipolar”. Those are the difficult situations I deal with as far as stigma is concerned.

[raspberrytorte]

Oh, I have another positive thing to add.

Before I got help I was a mess, drinking, making stupid decisions, etc., and I felt really bad. But then I realized I'd been sick for a very long time and was able to forgive myself for a lot of things.

I did have trouble because of the two extreme sides of my personality, and it took me a long time to kind of fit the two together and figure out who I was because I felt so conflicted (if that makes any sense).

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Oh, I have another positive thing to add.

Before I got help I was a mess, drinking, making stupid decisions, etc., and I felt really bad. But then I realized I'd been sick for a very long time and was able to forgive myself for a lot of things.

I did have trouble because of the two extreme sides of my personality, and it took me a long time to kind of fit the two together and figure out who I was because I felt so conflicted (if that makes any sense).

We do! Every few days, or even 4-5 times in the same day/ hour, I would change my mind about things. It never registered that it was a MI. It took a stabilizer to help me realize my center.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Krizzy

It's more soul crushing to know that something's wrong and not have a clear answer. I'm actually just starting therapy tomorrow, and finally getting that answer after so much patience is going to be a very comforting experience. I feel it will make me content.

I can however understand why people would drift off after finding out why, I've been there. It's more in the fear of not being able to operate in the world. You feel you will be sick forever, so you lose your way.

But then I started thinking "What's the point in these trivial ill feelings, none, they just spin you in circles, they make things pointless." Something sparked! Some sort of fire started inside me. I made it my mission to fix myself and I became determined.

Now when I drift off now and again, that fire always keeps me going. I learned not to think that way. I learned how to keep picking myself up no matter how many times I fall. I gave myself constant faith, even if one side of me always wanted to quit.

Krzzy, the first time I read your post, it made me cry. I know that that is YOUR HOPE that I'm seeing in your post but nontheless, you fueled my fire that was already kindling. I felt alive for that moment, still a little gust of wind could put it off at any moment though. I wish you luck with your therapy, I'd do the same if there were any talk therapists where I live.

As for the OP, yes it's soul crushing. After going through the system and rather felt manipulated, I won't be seeking any outside help for a while, The left over meds in the medicine cabinet is still tempting, knowing full well that they didn't work for me and why am still tempted? There's no stigma attached to my diagnosis, I been alone for a long time and no one gives me **** for that. This is my **** to figure out, it's no one else's business. I've already done struggling with the label part, I even wanted one to define my crazy mind, and I failed. Psychiatry is a joke in my country. Got a work stress? Pop a pill or two, that's how they operate. I don't feel victimized or anything but just thinking about it makes me upset a little.

So I'm back to square one, not having a clear answer for what I have, yet this sudden switch 4 days ago was really unsettling. I may be finally accepting that I have this two completely different sides with no middle ground in between and both of them are quite often out of control. Like it or not, it's still me and I'm responsible. I am not letting it ride me, but I'm riding with them. Being on either side with untamable mind is crazy. I don't even know what being stable means at this point. I have been alive this way with or without knowing my own condition. Do I need a treatment/recovery plan? I'm not there yet. Should I get out, climb out of this way of thinking, is this a really a pointless exercise to trying to figure myself out?

Hope, courage, that sort of things, (and intelligence) that every living human seems to possess. I'm a human first so I don't need a bipolar specific treatment, just make me a human.

(I tried, it's so blatantly obvious that I write baaaadly. sorry. JFYI, I read all the posts first. 2, 3 times actually. I got nothing against good doctors and thier medicine. And I'm not high functioning type, Also, thanks for always showing me a big picture, Venusss and Trippin. )