Today, I got up the guts to call my mother and tell her about my doctors' suspicion that I have Bipolar II (I had an appointment with one of my doctors yesterday and she is certain it's what I have...An appointment with my second doctor is in a couple of weeks and he'll look at medication options.)

During the phone conversation, my mom referred to a "crazy" aunt that I DIDN'T know about (and I have asked for family history to help me out in the past and have been denied it). Thanks - wish I knew about the "crazy" aunt before, would have helped me and my doctors. Anyway, from what my mother described, it sounds like my aunt had Bipolar I and her "episodes" that everyone knew her for were likely manic ones.

The worst part of all of this is that my mother kept saying "crazy" and basically calling me crazy. She also went on and on about how medication is bad and how it "changes" you. When I tried to explain that my aunt going off medication doesn't mean the medication made her "crazy" (as my mother vehemently believes) but rather, the problems were a result of going cold turkey on her medication. But she said that I'd be stuck forever and changed if I took medication. It was such an exhausting conversation.

You know what she did after all of this discussion? She started talking about frivolous things like Facebook. In essence, she heard me say "I have Bipolar II" (or in her mind "I am crazy"), then went on an anger episode about how bad medication is and that I'm foolish for thinking medication could help me...and finally, dismissed it. It felt so bad...to be fussed at, then dismissed. Wouldn't a supportive/loving person want to know and understand more, and focus on that for at least one conversation. Did she even understand how hard it was for me to tell her?

[dejavous]

I am sorry that your mother hurt your feelings and treated you like that. In my experience people who are not experiencing any mental illness or are in denial like I was (not saying your mother is) but most people have no clue what to say or what it even means to us to be mentally ill. It really is a relatively new thing to even talk about it openly.

The way my bipolar friend explained it to my husband who has thyroid issues is that with medication he can control his mental behavior and I can't. (He gets really angry over the littlest things when he does not take his medication right read: skips it)

When I informed my mother of my recently diagnosed bipolar she just said "huh, yeah I can see that" Mind you I have been this way (the mood swings and all that goes with it) for as long as I can remember and I know I remember some things that occurred when I was 4. Which left me kinda feeling like "You knew this but said or did nothing" There goes her mother of the year award Yes, it still hurts but I am adjusting.

So I am thinking she is still of the old school where mentally ill means crazy and we stuff that in a closet, not drag it out in the open and beat it down. (I'm working on it) Try not to take it personally.

My parents will never be supportive. They have personality disorders big time. Narcissists both of them.

So, I don't rely on them for understanding or support. This is a good forum, though.

[RisuNeko]

I'm sorry your mom was so unsupportive. That must have been pretty crushing. I don't even know what I would have done if my mom had reacted that way when I told her. She was as understanding as she could be, and still is. She doesn't totally get it, but she tries. My dad is old school and just calls me "goofy" which in his weird hick vocabulary means crazy. He's at least not openly unsupportive, he's just not supportive either.

I hope you're able to find a therapist or a friend you can talk to about this, and you're of course welcome here. You'll find lots of support here.

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

My parents will never be supportive. They have personality disorders big time. Narcissists both of them.

So, I don't rely on them for understanding or support. This is a good forum, though.

Thank you. I've been frustrated b/c I suspect my mother is either bipolar or possibly borderline personality disorder. The doctor I've been working with (of ~2 years) says that based on what I describe it sounds like borderline - but of course being who they are, my parents aren't going to do anything about it

[tipper1492]

Your mom just does not get it and probably never will. Think I would limit any conversations with her on the issue in the future. She seems to have nothing to give.

[butterflypower]

I also have no support from my family. It's hard when there's no one to talk to when you need it the most. They also said medicine is bad and that I will get addicted to my medicine. I don't know what else to say except we are here to support you!

Originally Posted by butterflypower

I also have no support from my family. It's hard when there's no one to talk to when you need it the most. They also said medicine is bad and that I will get addicted to my medicine. I don't know what else to say except we are here to support you!

Thank you. It is nice to have an outlet to talk to others who have a better understanding.

I'm sorry that it's so hard on you. Your mom already has preconceived notions and her own ideas from having to deal with another bipolar affected individual before. By the sounds of it, she sounds like she hasnt any real factual information about the illness. Not having family there is rough. Not to take away from you, I told my Mother and she asked me "what is there to be depressed about? Look at me. I should be depressed but I refuse to be depressed. Life is to short to be depressed. Get over it." My Father was like "I'm sorry. How's the weather down there". My partner tells me I'm faking it and it's all made up. Let me check, Yep, that's everyone I know. Only real support I get are from strangers like yourselves because I too have none here. Hang in there. It doesn't mean anything.

[CandiJay23]

Family discussions about MH issues can be difficult. When I told my mom that I was bipolar she said, "I guess if you have to have a label..." She didn't believe if for a long time. She told me I should pull myself up by my bootstraps and deal with life better. Then, my daughter was diagnosed as well. It wasn't until my mom made a new friend who had two bipolar children that it finally became acceptable that my daughter and I were bipolar. Now, things are better. She has helped me find a new doctor and understands when I tell her I am down and out. Sometimes she still tells me to pull up the bootstraps, but in a much more understanding and supportive way. She never sees me at my lowest... Only my husband and unfortunately my children see me then. My husband and children seem to be the only ones that help me feel slightly better at my worst. Good luck with the family. Hopefully something will happen in your mother's life that will help her be more understanding.

Originally Posted by RisuNeko

I'm sorry your mom was so unsupportive. That must have been pretty crushing. I don't even know what I would have done if my mom had reacted that way when I told her. She was as understanding as she could be, and still is. She doesn't totally get it, but she tries. My dad is old school and just calls me "goofy" which in his weird hick vocabulary means crazy. He's at least not openly unsupportive, he's just not supportive either.

I hope you're able to find a therapist or a friend you can talk to about this, and you're of course welcome here. You'll find lots of support here.

You are very fortunate to have a supportive mother! As for your dad, he sounds a bit like mine...

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I'm sorry that it's so hard on you. Your mom already has preconceived notions and her own ideas from having to deal with another bipolar affected individual before. By the sounds of it, she sounds like she hasnt any real factual information about the illness. Not having family there is rough. Not to take away from you, I told my Mother and she asked me "what is there to be depressed about? Look at me. I should be depressed but I refuse to be depressed. Life is to short to be depressed. Get over it." My Father was like "I'm sorry. How's the weather down there". My partner tells me I'm faking it and it's all made up. Let me check, Yep, that's everyone I know. Only real support I get are from strangers like yourselves because I too have none here. Hang in there. It doesn't mean anything.

You mean you've been dealing with all you've had without someone physically there for support? If so - you are REALLY strong. Does your partner still feel that way?

Originally Posted by CandiJay23

Family discussions about MH issues can be difficult. When I told my mom that I was bipolar she said, "I guess if you have to have a label..." She didn't believe if for a long time. She told me I should pull myself up by my bootstraps and deal with life better. Then, my daughter was diagnosed as well. It wasn't until my mom made a new friend who had two bipolar children that it finally became acceptable that my daughter and I were bipolar. Now, things are better. She has helped me find a new doctor and understands when I tell her I am down and out. Sometimes she still tells me to pull up the bootstraps, but in a much more understanding and supportive way. She never sees me at my lowest... Only my husband and unfortunately my children see me then. My husband and children seem to be the only ones that help me feel slightly better at my worst. Good luck with the family. Hopefully something will happen in your mother's life that will help her be more understanding.

It's incredibly disappointing to think that it took one of your mom's friends or her experiences for your mom to come to terms and listen to you and understand your experiences. I think it's good though, that you are aware and are treating it, and by that, you will be able to help your daughter.

Originally Posted by scarednstuff

You mean you've been dealing with all you've had without someone physically there for support? If so - you are REALLY strong. Does your partner still feel that way?

I've got no choice but to be strong for all I can. I've been alone most of my life to begin with. I'm used to it. I'm married and I'm still alone. It's more like having a roommate down the hall. We live in seperate rooms with seperate lives. When I start to talk about my feelings and how I feel and about us, I get "tell it to your therapist. All you want to do is talk about yourself. Now leave, I'm watching a movie". Like I said, alone.

So we're getting a divorce and I'm all excited about it and I can't wait fast enough!

[raspberrytorte]

Sounds like my mom... Except when I told her I got YOU WEREN'T LIKE THIS BEFORE! Whatever that meant. And now they blame everything on the medication I'm taking.

My mental health is not taken seriously. When I had PPD and had to spend a couple days in the hospital, my parents and sister knew about it, but when I got out I received NO help from my mom with my daughter. Not even a visit or call to see if I was doing okay.

Needless to say, I don't talk to them about my mental health.

[Turtlesoup]

Had the same discussion with my mom 4 years ago-it sucks but it is what it is. When I was able to get insurance again last summer I told her I was seeing a T but decided not to tell her about my pdoc & the meds-I'm a big girl, she's not supportive & I don't need the negativity. At least with the T she worries all the time about what I might be saying about her-little karma bite for her. I hope you feel our support here for you & at least you also know this seems to be (unfortunately) pretty common. Take care

[Jdvivre]

This has been on my mind a lot today, too, so I thought I'd share my experience and let you know you're not alone.

My mom is the strongest woman I know and my personal advisor (practically my conscience) for everything. So when I was diagnosed (BP2) I obviously looked to her for support. Unfortantely, I was met with similar resistance. For one thing, my uncle is schizophrenic and a good family friend is BP1 - and since she's seen them at their worst and "knows me better than I know myself" she was adamant I don't have it. She let me go to the psychiatrist and take medication, but she never really believed it. That was four years ago now, and since then I've lived abroad without medication or family support. Partly because of my moms reaction I decided the diagnosis must have been wrong and proceeded to develop a rather nasty drinking problem.

I've been sober a few months now only to find that ALL the symptoms remian even in the absence of substances and I'm forced to acknowledge the truth of my diagnosis. I'm finally convinced and am ready to commit to a treatment program to stabilize me so I can get on with my life.

BUT - I'm terrified of speaking to my mother, now. I know that she'll assume I'm blowing things out of proportion, or choosing a label, or that it's just a way to consider myself special - I've played out all of these in my head. I also know that's not true and that, at the end of the day I'm an adult and choose my own path.

It would just be really much easier if the woman I rely on would be a little more supportive of that.

It's all very confusing, and it builds resentment and can deteriorate relationships. I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this, too. It's almost impossible to convince some people. I honestly think it would be easier to convince her of the flying spaghetti monster.

*hugs*

[bella4]

I have no support from my family either. My mother is always backstabbing and talking about me behind my back; telling everyone to be careful around me that I am bipolar. Yet, she says she loves me and is here for me. I can’t count how many times I’ve needed her just to listen or to hold me, and be “real”

[Imah]

My thoughts on family in this true life tale:

I called my friends mother. I told her, I know this secret about your daughter and I told her I would keep the secret if she ate, but I went to visit her and she is succumbing to her anorexia again. She ate 3 saltines in 2 days time because I chided her about eating and her cupboard only has 1 mason jar for water and 1 pack of crackers. I know you didn't know this about her - but it started when she was gang raped in college and she needs therapy.

Her parents talked about it, and they called me back. Their response was - We decided that since our daughter didn't tell us these things that we are not going to do or say anything to her.

-----------------------------------

Lesson, when we are adult - we take care of ourselves. If you are lucky enough to have a supportive family, great! If you do not have a supportive family, stop trying to get them to behave how you want. They will pull you down to share their craziness.

Instead, become as healthy as you can for you. Any family members worth anything will ask you questions and use you as a role model. All the others cannot be helped.

Both my parents spent their fair share of time "in treatment" as they liked to put it. I am a firm believer that my mother is BP1 as well as an addict. My dad falls into BPD and BP2. They will never admit to anyone about anything that happened over the course of my childhood and I have come to terms with it. But, I fully recognize the patterns and eventual downfalls they each had.

So, flash forward.... I was in a particularly manic state (hindsight) and I ended up stealing a car one weekend and then got into a bar fight bc I felt I could take on the biggest male or female there. (I was a college athlete at the time, strong and in really good shape). I fought a drunk guy and I ended up being arrested... that was completely unacceptable bc I was the overachiever type, and I felt like kind of a bad a (still full on mania). I decided not to call anyone to bail me out and that I was going to be the supreme leader of all the misfits (prisioners). I spent 2 weeks in jail bc of grandiose delusions. Finally, I got depressed and called for a bond... at that point my doc said I was suffering from PTSD and depression due to my childhood.

This was the first time I had attempted the MI talk with my family... btw, my grandparents ended up taking me from my parents around 12, so it was the whole family unit. My grandparents are grassroots Christians and avid Tea Party members. So, when I brought it up they wanted to "lay hand on me and let Jesus heal me"... I wish it were that easy.

A few years and progressively worse episodes later, I was coming off a particularly euphoric mania and BOOM... SI hits... hits hard enough that I actively seek help. I get a BP diagnosis on top of my pre-existing ADHD... then, I completely hyper focus and obsess over learning about my new dx. I actually developed the idea that I would be the next innovative psychological thinker during that period. That went away and I ended up denying the dx.

Once again, equipped with all this new knowledge and confidence, I call my parents separately and ask each one about the other. They have been divorced for a LONG time now, so I figured I would get some kind of legitimate answers from them about the other... NOPE! "But, it's a genetic/hereditary illness", I would tell them and neither one would budge. They were both fully engulfed in their own perspective addictions at this point.

So, to try to track any family history or link, I hit up the open records to see if I could piece any tactile evidence to shove in their faces... the repeated theme over a period of 7 years was domestic abuse against my father and charges never filed by my mother... duh, I witnessed most of that...

So, I began to call on sisters and other relatives and they all shared a similar theory that I had about them! Finally getting there...

Well about 2 years after my 1st dx I got the same dx from a different pdoc. This time I was actually afraid of myself and my capabilities, so I took it seriously.

I decided to break the news to my "family" afterwards... once again I was met with Jesus and flat out denial of any issues concerning my parents MI status. Collectively, they all pretty much ganged up on me... this whole time I was wondering where their righteous Jesus went... and they threatened having me involuntarily committed, cut off, called me a disgrace to our family, I was no longer invited outings, send me to a church style bootcamp (Jesus reemmerged) and I was pretty much ejected from my familial ties.

The only time they want anything to do with me is when it concerns my kiddo. But, I do relent to their desires, I'm always stereotyped by this horrible idea of what BP is. They tell me that that they feel my kiddo would be better off in a "stable" environment or that I am going to impact her psyche in a negative manner... they still chalk it up to attention seeking bc I never lived up to my potential. Once again, I bring up the HEREDITARY link and statistics backing it up and they blow me off.

So, I was rejected by pretty much my whole family for coming to terms and coping with a disease that they choose not to see, believe or they think it's some f'n fairytale...

Honestly, it hurt at first. But, after accepting and educating myself and developing coping skills... I COULD CARE LESS what they think and they can take their "holier than thou" sentiments and try to ignore life in their tiny little worlds.

I feel that they don't want to accept it bc then they would have to rationally think and see what I see... they (esp my parents) have been living unmedicated for years and they mask it by self medicating and abuse.

So, for all you guys out there struggling with your family..
Yeah, it would be amazing, in some utopian world to have everyone you tell show you overwhelming support, but having this disorder does not impair us from having strength and self esteem. It's those that hide from it that are weak. We just tend to be a little more interesting and fun!

Once again, sorry about the rant... I'm just so sick of other people pushing their ideologies about BP onto people who are just seeking unconditional love and support.

[Row Jimmy]

Family is always a mixed bag, especially when it comes to bipolar because there's no "proof" anyone is bipolar. There's no lab test or pathology we can see. So I have come to accept that some people won't get it. I have been reserved with my diagnosis but at the same time, haven't hid it from the people I love.

But family is always a mixed bag with everything else too, right down to what kind of pizza you should eat!

I told my brothers and sisters and they have been great. They've known me for 45 years and always knew I was a bit "off". Some spouses, however, haven't been as willing to understand. My brother in law, who drives a truck, told me to "man up" and "drink more beer" to relax. That's OK, the journey we take won't be perfect. I'd like him to understand but he probably never will. He's a good father and husband so I see a lot of positives in him. A few others look at me as a nut or a bit of an oddball. That's OK too, it's who I am. I just work on living in the moment and I try not to project my thoughts into the future or into a scenario I make up. That's where I get myself in trouble.

My family has a history of mental illness but my mother never acknowledged it until recently. She is probably an undiagnosed bipolar herself, hundreds of angry outbursts as I grew up. Maybe thousands. I'm not sure of your age, but my parents grew up in the 50s and that was a time when people didn't discuss mental illness or show weakness because many were doomed to a lifetime of confinement or very heavy medication. That's how society handled mental illness back then.

But in an odd way, my parents knew something was wrong with me for years and were relieved when I went to get help. So don't be down about it - things may always be good and bad when it comes to family and friends. The stigma may never go away but we can't change that.