[dshantel]

Well my T has finally decided to refer me to a pdoc. I'm honestly not sure how to feel though. I've been talking to my therapist a lot about my life and she's been helping me understand what all may have been caused by bipolar and being bipolar does make everything make sense but when I talk to my husband about it all he just says that people use it as an excuse for behaviors such as hypersexuality, or irritability and lack of stress overload. I've tried talking to him about the hyperreligiosity but he's just says "I've been super religious before, doesn't mean your bipolar." He basically doesn't believe that bipolar exist. Apparently all the symptoms are bs and just excuses for things or acting certain way. I try telling him about how I dint handle stress well but to him no one handles stress well and you just got to deal with it and not quit. I just dint know what to do about this anymore. I can't talk to him about bipolar anymore because I'm just making excuses and also because the first part of our relationship I had hypomania experiences it wasn't really me. I just wanted or thought he'd be supportive and I guess he's not. Ugh, I just really don't want to be bipolar but I guess I can't or don't decide that.

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[Crazy Hitch]

I am sorry to hear this.

It is a challenge to be with a partner who does not share this MI.

From your partner's perspective, I am not suprised at all that he has said this:

"people use it as an excuse for behaviors such as hypersexuality, or irritability and lack of stress overload."

I mean look at how "society" stigmatises us?

I hate stigma.

It's a bunch of misinformed nonsense and useless information.

So I feel really sorry for your partner too.

And I feel just as sorry for you that you have to hear this; when both you and I know this not to be true.

I guess in your case; because you are able to see the bigger picture; you continue to do what is best; show him by your actions.

You can do this.

This means.

That by you being the living example.

You will continue to disprove this myth time and time again through your actions.

Actions speak louder than words.

And drive the myth of this stigma from his mind.

You will continue to show him that even if you are hyper aroused during an elevated mood state there will be mutual understanding with the two of you on the duration and frequency of sex, one where both parties are comfortable.

Please don't change your religious views based on whether or not he believes or does not believe you have this disorder.

If it truly doesn't serve you well in the long run.

I'd possibly in the short term focus attention away from the "label" of BP.

If this is going to upset you.

You and I both know without a shadow of a doubt that you are indeed BP.

But this is one less thing that you need to worry about in the short term.

When you have established yourself with a good PDoc - you can bring this up with your new pdoc and see what does your pdoc suggest?

Maybe your pdoc will suggest that you and him attend an appointment together?

Maybe your pdoc will have a good book that your partner can read that he may recommend to you that your partner may or may not choose to read.

Rely on us for support.

And work with your pdoc.

Hang in there.

You can do this!

[dshantel]

Thank you for reading and being supportive. And being understanding. I'm not changing my religious views but I have experienced hyperreligiosity several times in my life. I don't want to be bipolar, heck none of do and I'm not looking for excuses for any of my behaviors I just wish he could understand that. The only reason I care about the label is for trying to better understand things that have happened in my life and I can't even talk to him about it. I guess I just have to keep some of my thoughts to myself, pdoc and T.

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[Crazy Hitch]

I totally understand what you are saying.

I used to say the same thing too until oh I think around a year ago?

I HATED BEING BIPOLAR.

Yeah that is true.

But.

You know what?

I actually love having Bipolar.

That is the truth.

I am "not bipolar" - that is an MI.

I am not the "grand sum total of my MI" as if that defines me.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am a spiritual person (whatever words you may wish to use is totally fine)

I am a friend.

I am a teacher (who is currently out of employment whilst I focus on my mental health)

Oh!

Did I happen to mention that I am this great person; I hope you don't mind that I mention I have bipolar? But since you already know that I am a good person; I am sure that the fact that I have an MI doesn't make you think any more or less of me.

I do need to let you know though.

Please don't worry too much when you see the geniune me go through what I call mood states. This just tends to happen.

You know sometimes I may be in a bit more cheerful mood than other times. Please expect this really long email during these times because I really love chatting then

My mood does sometimes drop low. I don't get to pick or choose whether it drops low or high. But I will work on strategies to mitigate my symptoms with my Pdoc. So if there are times my friend that maybe I don't talk as much or maybe I don't want to hang out with you at the movies; or maybe I spend longer hours sleeping; it's not you my friend.

It's just kind of what my symptoms look like.

But that is okay my friend.

I still know that you know the geniune person that I really am.

I just so happen to have an MI.

But I know you don't mind because you're my friend already.



[changing one's "perspective" in life truly can lead to freedom ]

[dshantel]

I don't mind that you say you have bipolar disorder, I know that. It doesn't affect how I view you. You are you with or without it. I hope the rest of the world understands that too. :-) thanks for encouraging words.

Hi sweety, is she wanting you to try meds? It sounds like it. I'm sorry that you have zero support at home. I'm finding out myself that this is a lonely illness and no one believes you in the first place. What matters the most is taking care of yourself by taking meds to live a stabile life because I can handle most everything when I'm stabile. I'm not bipolar, I'm bipolar affected, but with meds you can't tell. Hang in there hun and get well, regardless what anyone thinks.

[dshantel]

Yes she is wanting me on meds. Thank you.

[kpsquaredplus2]

I have felt the same way lately. I moved out of my home state 3 years ago and know no one here. Not that I had many friends left anyway. My wife doesn't really allow me to have friends because she is afraid that I will return to my old partying lifestyle.
My Wife is in denial about my diagnosis and to be honest I haven't fully accepted it myself. She told me not to tell anyone in her family about it which is all the people I know here. Since I work part time (30 hours) I am expected to do the brunt of the housework but when I can't get off the couch I am a lazy ***. When I get irritated with her I am crazy and need to take my meds. When I take my meds I am ridiculed for being weak.

My partner tells me that I'm a hypochondriac and that I'm faking. I'm also told that I'm not bipolar, but borderline of which all the symptoms don't apply to me. I'm also told that I'm acting when I switch personalities and have done too much drugs in my past. I'm told to go talk to a therapist and to not talk about any of it in the house because it's all in my head and that my partner doesn't believe a word of it. Absolutely zero support from anybody. That tells me exactly where I stand in my partners head. We're getting seperated.

[dshantel]

I'm sorry to hear that ((((((alwayschanging2))))))

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Thanks, it's okay. I feel worse for you because yours is so much worse than me, we have only been together 7 years, and my kid is just mine. We're adults about it and we are mutually seperating, and staying friends. You though, have a child to think about, and you are right, it's not right to put him/her through all this. It's all about the kid now. We matter, but really don't, till they become teens. Do what's best for the child, not ourselves hun.

[Bipolarchic14]

I avoided taking a mood stabilizer for years and my family pretty much had the same reaction as your husband. Though things aren't perfect I am still in a better spot then I was a year ago. My brother was against me starting meds and he recently admitted that I am doing much better on them. So if you start taking steps in the right direction he may come around once he sees improvement.

[dshantel]

Thanks.

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[cashart10]

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I would be in your boat had my husband not witnessed my psychosis. Now he is the one that gets angry when I try to convince him that I am not actually bipolar and hounds me about my meds. That said, he is extremely unsupportive when I am unable to take care of the house (which happened for like 2 straight years until just the last couple of weeks). He sticks the knife in deep and twists it. It has caused MUCH heartache. Sometimes he even belittles me about it in front of my kids. My 7 year old daughter brought me a note about a month ago that said basically 'dear mommy, you are not lazy and do not lay on the couch all day. I love you.' Heartbreaking. I left her note on the counter hoping he would see it. He never mentioned it. We do honestly have an otherwise healthy relationship. I too sometimes tend to become VERY hyper-religious while in episodes. My bizarre faith based delusions are what caused me, with my husband's strong encouragement, to go back to a pdoc. Do you think you could get your husband to go to a pdoc or tdoc appt? That might really help. Or, I know that NAMI (https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Fa...and-Caregivers) has a lot of supportive info for family members. Maybe you could get him to attend a support group or at least read some literature? I really wish you all the best. Please feel free to msg me any time.

[dshantel]

((((((((((Cashart10)))))))))))) thanks I'm hoping that he will go with me to one soon. I think things will get better, we do have a healthy relationship. I just think he doesn't get it so it's hard for him to understand why I'm so crazy at times, especially when I'm irritable for no reason or depressed because he thinks I should be happy since our life is good right now, which I can understand that but he doesn't get that we can't control the mood swings or the severity. I just hope with time it comes to him.

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