[Capriciousness]

Do you ever feel like that?

I know they love me. But I find myself irritating and confusing and they must too. I don't feel like talking to them about Bipolar and all my crazy because I feel like I have done that too much in the past and I'm trying to keep it more contained.

But I still need help often and need an ear often and I have definitely put them through a lot in the past. I wonder if I could really be a good friend to a person with BIpolar in real life. It seems like it would be kinda draining.

Blah

[Homeira]

Wow. I could have written that. I know they care, and after all the few friends I do have still stick around and put up with the crazy s... I have pulled. Some words I have spoken can not be taken back, and some things I have done can`t be forgotten. I feel shame and guilt for that, even though I know, and they know, that most of it has to do with my BP. I guess that shows that I have concience and feel bad when I have hurt people. SO in a strange way it is a good thing... I think my friends know that I feel guilt and shame about some stuff also.

I always felt bad and guilty when my friends had to deal with me. They dealt with some crazy things, seen my land in the ER several times, have had to deal with my black outs and panic attacks. They never understood what was going on but they were always there. They never knew I was bipolar, per se, I wasn't diagnosed with the disorder back then, which is over twenty years ago.

Now that I have been diagnosed with this disorder, I don't tell most people. I don't want to burden them with what my old friends had to deal with, the guilt is still there, and I feel like they wouldn't understand, and I don't want anyone else to have to deal with me. Thus, I rarely go out with the few friends I have now. I try to deal with it on my own, but it's hard, an everyday struggle.

As for my old friends, they live in another state, and most of them still don't know that I'm bipolar- I haven't told them and that was the reason why I went through Hell and that I put them through Hell.

My wife is very understanding and real supportive and has seen me go through a lot of craziness and she's dealt with a lot of craziness. I feel bad for her that she has to deal with me, but I guess that's the power of love. She's my best friend, but still I feel bad and guilty.

Looks like I'm not alone.

[Cassie101]

Originally Posted by Capriciousness

Do you ever feel like that?

I know they love me. But I find myself irritating and confusing and they must too. I don't feel like talking to them about Bipolar and all my crazy because I feel like I have done that too much in the past and I'm trying to keep it more contained.

But I still need help often and need an ear often and I have definitely put them through a lot in the past. I wonder if I could really be a good friend to a person with BIpolar in real life. It seems like it would be kinda draining.

Blah

Yeah, and I eventually chose topics to attend to that were very broad, and I'm still not spoken to or heard. It's likely something to do with rejection. It's sad, but it's my consideration, and it's worth thinking about because you can basically figure out what it actually is, and it may happen that you do that, and then get bored or go off on a tangent and think it's relevant, which I think, comes from having stigma applied. Especially from the ones who are supposed to accept that you have free will and every right at all to do your thing, even if it has consequences that do not suit their self identities.

[Capriciousness]

Good point Hulk. I probably should have mentioned something about my husband too!

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Hulk69

My wife is very understanding and real supportive and has seen me go through a lot of craziness and she's dealt with a lot of craziness. I feel bad for her that she has to deal with me, but I guess that's the power of love. She's my best friend, but still I feel bad and guilty.

Looks like I'm not alone.

My wife is my only friend..

[~Christina]

I have Bipolar I deal with all the havoc it can cause for myself and others.

What I will offer as advice is sit down with your friend and explain that you are concerned your going to burn them out etc..

Explain to them what boundaries are..Yeah most people don't have a clue when it comes to how they work and how to use them effectively.

I was burning out a friend about 4 years ago and didn't even realize it.

She started to cry one day when we were out for lunch, I was so worried she kept deflecting my questions... I finally got her to 100% honest with me... She was in a almost constant state of fear that I was going to off myself, that every time I would start a new medication or be in a high or a low or anywhere between. I would pretty much dump everything on to her. She knew I didn't realize how much I did "dump on her" I felt a millions ways of OMG how could I dump so much on my friend...

I realized that I had no right to expect her to be in a state of constant worry, or having to hear every tiny thing about my Bipolar and Fibro struggles ... Sure friends talk about there problems .. But especially with Bipolar it's easy to become a burden....

I realized that I have a T and well HE is the person I can dump everything on and him and I can wade through it and keep moving ahead.

Bipolar wasn't removed from my friendship with her 100% , she still knew roughly how I was doing. But I do know that I talked too much about it and my pain, That seemed to be our main topic of conversation my shyt and not just her and I being friends.

I also learned around the same time that I was doing the same to my husband , he the " fixer type" I say I am feeling suicidal. He would jump into "save me" mode . I would be down he would jump into "lets cheer you up" mode... Arrrrghh, non helpful.

So now? If I am not doing well at all , I give my husband a heads up , as normally I am so good at hiding things I need to verbally tell him hey I am feeling _________. He has learned through boundaries that he can't fix me, he has learned to allow me space, but more hugs daily, He is there, he knows he has to trust that I will listen to him if he sees me in a really horrible place and him and my T might have to step in and point out the obvious if I can't see it clearly.

I have made a few lifelong friendships with people I have met on here.. I can be blunt and tell them exactly how I am feeling and they are just going to "get it" they know how to deal with the skewed way our minds work..

So think about boundaries and how you and your friends can use them so that your friendsships can have more balance.

Dump everything to your T , Or here on PC in general and with people you have grown closer too, Yes dump it all out, just learn ways to be mindful of how it can be hard for someone to handle it all if they havent had to live having Bipolar..