[BeyondtheRainbow]

With my AD so low it barely was there (and no other choice since as recently as Sunday night this was too much) this was inevitable and it was also inevitable since that's what happens to me. But suddenly I've gone from not sleeping to exhausted. Some of that is probably my body needing rest after months of getting little. But some of it is I'm pretty sure the depression bubbling over top of the mania.

I emailed my psychiatrist about increasing my AD an amount so tiny my body will probably not notice. I forgot to mention that I'm also tired enough to be willing to just stare at the wall. I'm really, really tired. My mood feels like it is heading down as well but it is still mixed and some manic stuff is definitely still there enough to make it hard to say I'm not manic. I'm just everywhere. The joys of mixed bipolar.

[jacky8807]

when the mood state gets all mixed up is the hardest time. That seems to be a dangerous time for myself and many. I hope you are ok .Can you go in and see your doc before it gets out of control

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm always mixed so I've been mixed for months, just manic more than depressed. Now I'll be more depressed than manic. It's pretty much been out of control/slightly under control by going extremely high on Seroquel and removing and then adding only a tiny bit of AD back. My AD is very stimulating and so getting enough and not getting stimulated is tricky. Hopefully she'll let me increase by another 1/6th dose to try to stop this from getting bad and hopefully the extra Seroquel will protect me. Right now it is just weird to not be so manic.

My psychiatrist and I have been in touch every couple of days via email or phone. I see her in just over a week. I probably could get in sooner but between my living 2.5 hours away and not really being able to drive safely in the mornings right now and her busy schedule it would be tough to find a time that works well and I'm comfortable with staying in touch this way. I just have to be sure to call her secretary and have her tell my psychiatrist to look at my email if I think it's a big deal and don't hear from her.

[jacky8807]

sounds like you know what you are doing!
we learn a lot over the years we can become experts in the field
hope you feel better soon

[Toodles333]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

when the mood state gets all mixed up is the hardest time. That seems to be a dangerous time for myself and many. I hope you are ok .Can you go in and see your doc before it gets out of control

I've been having this recently. Hyper but deeply depressed. Its frightening.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just find it annoying. It makes me very impatient to have my mind going fast and my body saying "let's nap". But at least I'm sleeping and not sleeping is always the hardest thing of all. Now if I just could sleep on a better schedule but that's probably coming as the lower mood takes over. For a few days this will feel like a little break and then it will get hard again. Hopefully we can stop it by increasing my AD a tiny bit. I'm hoping to hear back from my dr about that this evening.

I agree though, it is very frightening when the depression gets bad and the mind is still going too fast. If we can't get my AD dose right that will happen soon and I dread it even though it is usually pretty much a certainty with the way my mood progresses through this and especially this time since the AD has been nearly completely gone for a week. I wish you didn't have to go through that. Or that I didn't in a few days.

Hope you are feeling a little better.

[Toodles333]

I've been on the up side for a few months now. Mainly hyper. Little to no sleep most nights. Urges and impulses. I'm waiting to see a PDoc, next week hopefully. I'm not on any medication yet.

It sounds like you're pretty well prepared for what's coming your way. Do you find yourself sleeping more when you get depressed? How does your appetite fare?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I usually sleep a lot when I'm down. Not always (because I'm always mixed) but usually and especially when it is like this will be where I've been up for a good long time (2 months at least) and not sleeping so my body is totally exhausted. I have however had depressions where I couldn't sleep. It seems to depend on factors that I really don't totally understand; part of it is which came first, depression or mania, but even that is tricky. This was depression, took off into mania and now is going back down (unless I'm having one down day and will be back up tomorrow which is always possible).

I usually have little appetite once the depression gets severe although my meds keep me hungry enough to at least eat cereal from time to time. Same when I'm really manic; then I forget to eat. But with the meds my weight stays the same pretty much so I assume I'm eating something (it's always cereal, frozen dinners if I happen to have some, lots of peanut butter, and lots of fruit because I don't have to do anything to it).

It's hard for me to be too specific because I'm always mixed and the ratio of depression to mania changes a lot which in turn changes how I feel/respond to any given episode. If I truly am going down this time I expect it will be fairly big just because I've been so far up. But it could be anything.

I hope you finally get to see a dr soon. The waiting for a diagnosis and meds thing is really hard. When I was diagnosed I had a tentative diagnosis from my therapist and had a very bad psychiatrist who had no idea what she was doing. She was making me worse so I got into a mood disorder clinic I was incredibly fortunate to live near. At first the wait was months but when I started crying and explained I couldn't survive months more of this and couldn't go to the hospital because I didn't have insurance for mental health at that time I got in within a few days. It wasn't easy to have that evaluation but it was so worth it to leave with a diagnosis and recommendation for medications that would actually work unlike what my dr had been putting me on for the past 10 months.

[Toodles333]

Sleep is a big problem for me. I can never switch off regardless if I'm up or down. Sleep is very important, I miss it so much. Do you take any supplements? I double up on multi vitamins and fish oils, but I'm not sure what good it does. I can go 2 days without eating. I rarely have an appetite and when I'm "on one", it's not a priority. I had a very bad depression in November where I didn't eat or sleep for 7 days. Everything is taking its toll now.

I hope you can fend off this depression, it's not a nice place to be. I shut down totally. No work. No socialising. No outdoors. Nothing.

I have been told to write down a mood log. Have you ever had to do this? I honestly don't remember what a normal mood is. I find that I'm over analysing and overthinking everything. It's very exhausting.

I've calmed down a lot this week. It's very much up and flat for me. I have what you'd call "mixed" episodes sometimes. Very frightening. Flat is just medium level anxiety that just comes over me. I still have urges which I act on.

It's a new Doctor I will be seeing. He starts next Tuesday so I just have to wait for an appointment now. Im hoping that things will start to improve soon.

Hoping you slept well.

T.