[BandName]

A few months ago the company I was working for had an unexpected lay off of about 2/3rds of the staff (Me included). This all happened at the same time as me selling and buying a home, as well as temporarily living with my in laws.

I looked for another job and was fortunate to get picked up right away by another company. Unfortunately it only took a week at the new job for all the pressure to get to me and I ended up being hospitalized for the first time in 10 years. I was/am feeling very stressed, depressed and suicidal. It just seems like this is where everything comes to an end.

I'm now at home on temporary disability with the expectation that I eventually go back to work with the new company. The problem being I know I just can't go back. My mind is fried, my mood is unstable and I'm pretty much in a coma from having many of my doses increased. I work as a plumber and I really regret choosing this line of work. I constantly worry about making a dangerous mistake and hurting someone, the pressure to produce quickly at the cost of quality is stressful, and bosses tend to be very abrasive/abusive.

I have started to consider moving into another field either temporarily or permanently as I just feel I can't handle the pressure anymore. The downsides being lower wages and the possibility of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Just wondering if anyone has had similar experience with job stress or any insight regarding other fields of work. Honestly advise of any kind would be amazing. Apologies for the long post.

[Hexagram]

It might be hard to see things clearly or make decisions about the future after having endured so much in such a short time.

Originally Posted by BandName

I'm now at home on temporary disability with the expectation that I eventually go back to work with the new company.

Extend your recovery period for as long as possible; maybe your feelings about plumbing will change as you recover. Where I live, plumbers make bank.

[hard2smile]

Dear Band Name,

The only thing I can offer you is empathy as I found myself in a similar situation about 7 years ago. I was a respected and very capable employee working at the headquarters of a multinational corporation. The death of my grandfather and subsequent family turmoil, along with my personal struggle with chronic depression, combined with the pressure of operating in a high stress environment with a dysfunctional work team was my undoing. I contracted upper respiratory infection at work. It damaged my autonomic nervous system and went on long term disability for 7 months (I know, the number 7 pervades my life).

When I returned to work, tensions were heightened and I got the feeling that I was being labeled as a liability to the company. The signs were very subtle and actions covert but I felt under intense scrutiny and became quite paranoid as a result. My work performance was negatively impacted as I became less confident in my abilities which paralyzed my decision making and interpersonal skills. I was referred to Employee Assistance Program for time management issues (was forced to see a company appointed therapist) which earned me another stigma stamp on my forehead and I became deeply depressed. I felt as though I had ran out of options as I allowed this situation consume me and steal my zeal for life.

After some agonizing soul searching and discussing with a wise, non judging, someone who knows me well and not try to fix me or the situation, I finally realized that it I did not remove myself from that toxic environment, I was not going to survive mentally and perhaps even physically. I resigned and then took some time for myself (actually went backpacking through Washington state for a couple of weeks) to get my head back on straight. I determined that in spite of my education and training, working full time in a corporate environment is not the healthiest occupation for me. I started working as an contractor and also doing some solo project work from home. I did take a pay cut and I am responsible for my own benefits and retirement savings; nonetheless, I am in a better place mentally so can work consistently.

Currently, I have taken a hit from economic downturn and am weighing options including working in a corporate setting. I have to admit that I am suffering from a bit of PTSD from staying a bit too long in such an mentally and emotionally distressing job situation. For self preservation, I am cautiously self aware of what type of environment, whether occupational or social, I am subjected to and make a conscience effort to proceed with care. I am in counseling right now to help me to continue to heal from the trauma and enhance my coping skills for handling whatever lies ahead.

So I just want to let you know that your are not alone and that whether you decide to remain in your current field and serve in a different capacity (the option that worked best for me) or change fields altogether (a good friend of mine switch from academia with years of post graduate training to being a PACU nurse and he's doing very well). Find comfort in knowing that you are not at the end but more of a crossroad where you are in full control of your destiny (not the other way around) , your job does not define or rule you, and there is freedom in knowing that you can make a change.

I wish you all the best and hope you soon find the support and healing needed to attain a healthier and content life.

[BipolaRNurse]

I was a nurse for 17 years, and it finally succeeded at chewing me up and spitting me out. I'm on Social Security disability now because the job exacerbated my bipolar so much that I can't work at all. Don't be like me and wait too long to deal with your job stressors.....make sure to take the time you need to recover fully. Best wishes for the future.

[BandName]

Thanks for the responses. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that has trouble with this. I'm trying to take time to gain some more perspective. I'm starting to work/volunteer for friends and family to keep myself occupied.

hard2smile your experience with the workplace feels really similar to mine. I just hate how work life has to be so cutthroat and evil. At my last company everyone would constantly degrade others and start rumours to try and claw up the hierarchy. With everyone constantly telling me how other people were useless, I couldn't help but Wonder what they were saying behind my back. On top of that my boss was just the worst person I had ever worked with. It was just a constant bombardment of degrading verbal attacks. Healthy people dealt with it by either lashing back or not letting it get to them. I just have such low self esteem to begin with that I just took it straight to heart.

I worked there for 4 years and my wife would always tell me to find another job because I was dragging my issues home with me. I probably should have left when I had the chance, or at least pushed harder to be transferred to a different boss. My self worth has just sunk to such a low place that I carry my old boss around with me everywhere I go.

I couldn't handle not being as good as my coworkers at my new job because anything below perfection had become unacceptable in my mind. I was working on a 15 story building and seeing as jumping had always been my plan I was constantly teetering on the edge. It just felt like I was holding a gun to my head while I was there, I could just end it at any moment if I wanted to. For better or for worse I had a huge anxiety attack/mental breakdown behind the wheel on my way to work one morning and the next thing I know I'm back to square one in the psych ward again.

[Homeira]

First of all; don`t apologize for long post. It is important to get the whole story out, in order to understand what you are going through, and offer support. Also, I think it is very therapeutic to write about what is going on in this forum. Even though I dont`t do it as often as maybe I should, because I have a hard time putting my own issues down in writing... I think it is great to read when people here write about their situations, because it offers so much insight about what it is like to live with this illness. And to address your job-issue; I have gone through a somewhat similar situation. It took me a really long time to accept that for the forseeable future I am not able to go back to work. I have had a lot of guilt and downright shame about that, but now I have slowly learned to accept that my health comes first. But it is really hard to see my carreer just ended (at least for now). Financially, life is not what it used to be, and that was quite an adjustment for me. I guess I had gotten a bit spoiled moneywise, and when that ended, it was pretty depressing in itself... But we get by and the bills get paid (well, most of the time...). But most important is that I have learned to take one day at a time, and to really value my good days. I don`t have any great advice for you, just want to tell you that you are not alone in this situation. Work is such a hard issue when you have a MI. I wish you luck in sorting out the issues you are facing

[lizzyjb]

I empathy with you too. I have been working in different offices years ago. From nine to seven... It doesn't matter because I was happy. I loved my job, my coworkers... I lost my last job years ago and I have been trying to find a new one because I have had some money issues.
Suddenly I started to work in an small office two months ago. Well, it's a job from hell. My anxiety is growing up day by day. I feel depressed, have fear, shivering, can't sleep, I'm tired... My self-esteem is down down down down...
What I mean is that work can ruin your life. At this moment I can't afford my own life. Hate job, hate boss and coworkers that make me feel uncomfortable, a no valid person. I miss my life. I miss the person I was.
Now I'm a shadow of myself.
I can't leave it due to money issues and because now a days in Spain is easier to win the lottery that to find a job.
I would like to send all of them to the hell but I can't.
So I have to wake up every morning praying for survive just another day.
I had had finished my treatment, my t, my meds... And now I am lost again.