[czarina1984]

I am in a weird mood thats not on either side, slightly mixed but not bad enough to warrent doing anything yet. Mostly I'm really angry and while there are situational things going on (moving, trips, and lots of forced peopling) I still feel off. I really don't want to be around people but at the same time I'm lonely. I really need my schedule to calm down but its getting more and more crazy and I'm losing my ability to keep myself under control. Yesterday I resorted to drinking and sleep whiich I know I shouldn't do but losing the day was worth it. Just being able to shut down and have peace in my head for a few hours.

I have so much that I'm responsible for with work, family, and caring for an aging mother with her own psych problems.... Why don't I get to say I can't handle it anymore and be a little selfish for what I need?

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by czarina1984

I am in a weird mood thats not on either side, slightly mixed but not bad enough to warrent doing anything yet. Mostly I'm really angry and while there are situational things going on (moving, trips, and lots of forced peopling) I still feel off. I really don't want to be around people but at the same time I'm lonely. I really need my schedule to calm down but its getting more and more crazy and I'm losing my ability to keep myself under control. Yesterday I resorted to drinking and sleep whiich I know I shouldn't do but losing the day was worth it. Just being able to shut down and have peace in my head for a few hours.

I have so much that I'm responsible for with work, family, and caring for an aging mother with her own psych problems.... Why don't I get to say I can't handle it anymore and be a little selfish for what I need?

I am so sorry you are going through this czarina. I can really understand the statement that you "really don't want to be around people but at the same time I'm lonely." I feel the same way. I have made myself be around people. For instance, yesterday I still went to my mom's house for our weekly get together when I didn't want to go. I actually had a great time! Occasionally I also drink just to escape my depression but it doesn't always work; sometimes it makes me more depressed. And many times, when depressed, sleeping is all I do. I think it's fine to do as long as it doesn't become habit. I know for me the sleeping does get out of control. I wish you could say you can't handle it, if only for a while. Take a needed break. Do you have a significant other who can take care of things for 2 or 3 days to give you that break? Also, do you have a healthy way to release your anger, like running or a punching bag? I hope things look up for you soon.

[Capriciousness]

I completely relate. I have been there exactly. I know I need times to just lie in the dark and give in. If I didn't do that sometimes I would make it through.

It isn't selfish. We have an illness or whatever. We need to do what we need to do!

[Crazy Hitch]

There's quite a few stressful things going on there at the moment that you briefly touched on that would be enough to throw most people off course for a few days - moving, trips etc.

So I think that with your environmental factors happening I'm not too suprised that you feel a bit "off" at the moment.

Sleep can be good to help regulate our mood so glad you managed to do some of that yesterday. Feeling a sense of peace is pretty good too.

I'm sorry to hear that you are juggling so many responsibilities with work, family, looking after your mother - that's a lot on your plate right now.

You asked:

"Why don't I get to say I can't handle it anymore and be a little selfish for what I need?"

I think that you have a right to be heard, honestly I do.

Have you tried discussing this with your family?

Is there any way, in the interum whilst you get the trip and the move sorted you can negotiate a more flexible arrangement at work with your boss in the short term as you make this transition?

Can you get help from anyone in the family just for now to help out with your mother?

I'm trying to think of things that might lessen the load that you're carrying right now so that things start to feel a bit more managable for you.

[czarina1984]

Thanks for your suggestions. I am already on disability so I only work about 5 hours a week but I work for a close friend and I handle all of the accounting and hr. Working for her adds stress because now it's personal. I don't have any other family I can rely on for help. They don't accept mental illness as an illness so they don't see a reason to help even when asked. They have the view that I am lazy and a drain on society.

Most of the time I can handle it but I feel like I've been right to the edge of what I can handle since January. I had a major manic cycle Jan, stabilish Feb, depressive cycle March, mixed cycle April, and exhausted but still baby cycling every 3-4 weeks.

[Crazy Hitch]

You've been through a lot and you've had a lot of episodes this year, all of which do take their toll.

Take it easy on yourself