[Wander]

Hey all! Over the last week or so I have fallen into a mixed state with symptoms like low mood, agitation, racing thoughts and general angst. Both my pdoc and T agree I am in a mixed state and are monitoring me. Yesterday I saw my T and shared some symptoms that were hard for me to admit to. He believes it is possibly psychosis. It is really hard to explain. I feel like a god who has supernatural powers and that I can anticipate everything that is going on around me. The world around me seems unreal, cartoonish even at times. I find it hard being around people as I am afraid they will see how crazy I am and at times I find it hard to find the right words to say to sound normal. I also had this belief that if I overdosed I would not die but instead be transported to another dimension, like through a wormhole or something. I am not suicidal thankfully. Feeling this way all the time is really disturbing. It is so intense. I am taking Zyprexa to combat it and it does help. Seeing my pdoc on Monday and I will share this with him then.

Can anyone else relate to this? I feel like the weirdest person on the planet right now.

[Nammu]

I kinda love the superpower feeling but Not the agitation and irritation. Yeah been there.

[cashart10]

I'm too exhausted for a formal response but I just want to send my love and let you know I have been there. I hope it isn't severe and doesn't escalate.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear that the mixed state is still happening. They can feel pretty uncomfortable.

I'm glad you're working with your T and Pdoc - it does make a difference.

To answer your question - are you the weirdest person on the planet?

100% absolutely not.

Sounds to me like you have psychosis, yes I tend to agree with it.

I've had psychosis in the past that can last a few days where I think everyone is dying and I must just save everybody from dying Truly. And then I'll be fine for a few days and then something will trigger me then I'm like woah everyone on earth is dying again I must go make sure someone else does not die quickly! Okay but that's when I've been pretty manic but I guess you can get it when you're mixed too.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just went through the first psychotic episode I've had that I would call psychosis a big part of the deal. I've been psychotic many times but it's been little. This time it was big, with scary paranoia, delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations and it went on for months and didn't respond to medication readily as these things have in the past (in the past I've gotten manic, gotten exhausted from not sleeping, had some psychotic symptoms, had my anti-psychotic adjusted and it has worked. This time I had to wait 2 months to see if raising the other one would work and then I started a new, 2nd AP a week ago that is finally helping.

You wrote that you feel like the weirdest person on the planet and I just wanted to say that I related to this strongly. I've been through a huge battle of not trusting the people who treat me to believe that I'm experiencing what I am experiencing and that they would think this is even believable. My mind has been tricking me into thinking that I wasn't really sick and they were humoring me. My therapist addressed that directly and so I feel less worried about him, especially since he went on vacation and pushed me to make one appointment with a substitute therapist and then when I saw her he had asked her to try to get me to come in again for a 2nd visit (I've been seeing him twice a week for a few weeks as the hospital risk was very high.). My new medication is helping and so I'll be back to weekly visits I hope and the fill-in person was pleased (I think she was expecting to hospitalize me or have a high risk of that; I had to agree that I wouldn't fight her about it before my therapist left. I have a long history of battling hospitalization right down to having a pink slip partially filled out before I started yelling the right words about capacity and competency and that I would fight it and so she relented and didn't call the police to take me to the state hospital which was the threat if I didn't stop yelling. That dr wouldn't listen so I yelled.....since I'm not a yeller it is kind of funny looking back but then it wasn't. Almost the only real disagreements my therapist and I have had in 9 years have been over hospitalizations.

Anyway, no, you are not the weirdest person in the world and neither am I. We're just both experiencing some of the difficult aspects of a brutal illness. We'll be fine eventually.

[Wander]

Thanks everyone for helping me feel downright 'normal'. Means a lot to me.

I have had psychotic symptoms before but not to this degree and they usually pass quickly. This seems to be hanging around. At times I am quite lucid and rational but other times I belief the crazy stuff my mind feeds me. All the time though I feel very dissociated and detached from reality, as if I am separate from my body. It could be PTSD related. It is hard to tell the difference sometimes. The psychosis though is definitely the BP as it only happens during episodes, usually mixed. I really don't want to end up in hospital. I have my last exam for the semester tomorrow (I know, trying to do exams like this is a challenge!) and have lots of plans for my uni break. Hopefully my pdoc will help me find ways to get on top of this at home. Nothing feels real, this is so damn weird. I am not even sure if I exist...if that makes any sense. Guess i will just breathe and ride it out. It should pass when the BP cycles on.

[Crazy Hitch]

"Normal" - I love this word

Everything about me is just so subjective I'm hard to define or contain, as you may have very well noticed by my posts.

I think the fact that you think that your psychotic symptoms are hanging around a bit longer than your norm, yes I would say bring this up with your pdoc. Worth the mention. And you're right, it could very well be related to PTSD. Yes, I mainly lose touch with reality during episodes too. I've had times where I've felt like I'm living in some kind of surreal dream, like nothing was real. So I get what you're describing. It's a strange feeling. Yes, it does make sense when you say you're not sure if you even exist. I can relate to this feeling.

Hopefully this does pass soon

[Wander]

Today I managed to get through a 4 hour Literature exam while in this state. Think I passed too! In fact I feel a lot better today, not as weird. Hopefully the psychosis is passing. Zyprexa has been very helpful.

[Crazy Hitch]

Keep moving forward Wander

[Sinking Feeling]

I made the same mistake about telling my therapist my special relationship with God. It seems if your in church it's acceptable, but not at a therapists office

I believe God communicated to me thru music and the lyrics change just for me. If I was in church I would have got a Amen! My therapist said it sounded on the line of schizoaffective.

So I don't talk about God with him any more

[Wander]

Saw my pdoc today and he agreed my brain chemistry, along with PTSD is causing these freaky symptoms. So yes, it is psychosis. He suggested I reduce my Fluoxetine (Prozac) as it may be contributing to the dysphoric mania. I am really worried about doing that as the last time I reduced my dose I got VERY depressed rapidly. It is like I need to find the sweet spot with this med. I am feeling more connected to reality, thanks to Olanzapine (Zyprexa) so maybe I will hold off reducing. I don't know what to do really. My pdoc was wonderful and helped me learn some skills to deal with the psychosis so I am very thankful that he took the time to do that rather than just adjust my meds.
Things still seem very unreal at times and I get really paranoid and panicked. I just hope this episode is passing as it was really terrifying last week. I lost contact with reality completely a few times. Thankfully I didn't do anything to hurt or embarrass myself. I have even managed to go back to work (I left early a couple of days due to the symptoms) as long as I take 5mg Olanzapine and 2mg Clonazepam.