irritated and confused

Well this weekend went ok. It had its ups and downs but I'm going to concentrate on the ups. What's got me though is I have to sleep in the day and work at night. My wife and I are at such an uncertain point of whether or not to continue with separating. For me this week almost has sealed the deal. She told her boss she'd work 6 days straight without a day off without even asking or talking to me. That means I go from already not getting much sleep to near none. I just got through a bad manic episode and can feel I'm on the brink of a depression and I'm trying everything to hold it back. If you add the stress from my job, trying to take care of 4 kids almost by myself, and little to no sleep this week I somehow see a really bad depression in my near future. I don't know what to do. I just for once want someone to physically hold me and actually care not just use me for their own agenda. I think this turned into a half a$$ed rant but oh well. I know I'd be a lot worse if it wasn't for a few of my friends on here and for them I am grateful but looking at a screen isn't the same as a face to me anyways.

You don't sound confused to me. You're making sense just fine. Your wife is a selfish ***** and you're about to go through a pretty stressful week. I'd be feeling pretty pissed and overwhelmed, too, if I were in your shoes.

I guess the confusion comes more from I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to walk out the front door wave the middle finger and say deal with it. The other half of me says I can't do that I have to stick it out. That's my confusion.

I'll apologise if I am deemed too young to comment on this.

Sorry that you have to go through this one whole week of ordeal with 4 kids at home. Honestly, the choice of separation should be left to the last.

I might understand (in my context) why she have to be so mean by telling her boss she will work for 6 days straight without your acknowledgement. I doubt she feels good as well.

There's 4 kids in the house to feed, there can be many factor of why both of you are focusing on making money by sacrificing leave, which I may or may not fully understand. She probably has the intention of wanting to make ends meet, you could probably be motivated by the same thoughts as well. Both of you may be hard towards each other, but the intentions of bringing the family up could be the same, why not?

Just remember why both of you are willing to be together and have kids,otherwise, there is no point in marriage if none chooses to express themselves.

Again, I will apologise if I do not understand your current's situation as you would expect us to. I appreciate that you are willing to talk it out with us.

Best of luck

The issue I have isn't her trying to make ends meet we do that just fine. She knows if my sleep cycle is thrown out of balance it can cause me to go extreme one way or another. I'll be working from 8 pm to 8 am and won't be able to go to sleep until 4 pm. That's 3 hrs of sleep a day. No amount of money is worth a loved ones health if you truly care for them. That's what hurts I'm pretty much being told she loves money more than me. Course if I die she does get the insurance money maybe that's her goal. Hmmm just thought about that I guess I could save her the trouble......

I'm sorry this has been such a strenuous week ((mj))

You're facing some major challenges / circumstances that you need to make decisions on, that are not easy decisions by any means.

Just hang in there and come chat to me anytime

Thanks I'm trying to hold on for all I'm worth. I wish I could just get away to clear my head but it's not going to happen though. Sometimes like right now the thought of ending it all seems so relieving and not ending it as in suicide. I mean just load up what I can carry on my bike and leave without ever looking back, but I couldn't do that to my kids it would be to selfish if me. I just want some relief, I just want really a physical arm around me and shoulder to lay my head on. I mean isn't that what a significant other is for is to hold you when you're upset and can't think straight cause you're manic or depressed and don't want to move. Aren't they supposed to be a caring shoulder not a verbal assault?