Can you be aware that you're having delusions?

My delusions were religious...I didn't know for a long time that they were delusions until I got put on medications and my psychiatrist and research discovered it.

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Apparently my delusional thinking leans more to the paranoid side. People but especially doctors are poisoning me. People are trying label to lock me up...but then isn't that based on reality? Everyone is part of a hive mind and I need to stay at home as not to be seen by them or they will all find me.

^^This is true for me, too. I just got out of the hospital again because the delusions came back...this time I was also experiencing paranoia. I believed the delusions were true the first couple of days in the hospital, but at the same time I didn't want to describe my delusions or paranoia to the staff or patients because I guess I knew that they would label me as weird or crazy.

Does anyone experience your delusions becoming more and more complex if left untreated? For me, what started out as me believing in my power of mind control eventually led to me listening to the walls for humming sounds because I believed little entities that came from other people's minds who were looking for musical inspiration hid inside the walls and they were trying to steal my music ideas and that they had already stolen many songs from me that most of us are very familiar with but at the time I was convinced that they songs were originally my idea and these creatures had stolen them from me. I believed I was the planet's goddess of music and that I'd been reincarnated throughout the centuries so that even older music that came out before the year I was born was still stolen from me, just in a past life. Basically I thought I was the creator of music. I was really paranoid and panicking because I didn't want my songs stolen from me before I had a chance to copyright them. Eventually I realized a way to "cleanse" the walls of these entities called Hummies by placing my forehead against the wall, putting one of my songs in my head to make the Hummies concentrate toward my head...and before they could steal the music I would bang my forehead against the wall, and that would temporarily get rid of them in that particular wall.

They started me on an anti-psychotic the first day I arrived and within a few days the delusions and paranoia dissipated.

I may have experienced something sort of similar, though my beliefs were more negative and paranoid.

I used to worry my boyfriend and his roommates were trying to poison me. As my boyfriend was kissing me I feared he was slipping a drug into my mouth...but though I was consumed by this thought, I also realized it was "crazy" (but also that crazier things have happened!). Rather than throw him off me and accuse him (what I imagine one would do if they 100% believed that this was happening), I let him continue to kiss me while I obsessively went back and forth between "what if" and "no, couldn't be"...

On the other hand, I once believed 100% that he was cheating on me with a neighbor (really he was just giving a lost driver some directions)...but still, when we had a huge blowout fight, I didn't bring that up specifically, because somewhere deep down - even if I thought it was true - I knew it would sound crazy.

I've never been diagnosed with psychosis. My psychiatrist at the time referred to these as "pseudo-delusions" - which seems kind of similar to the 'grey area' mentioned in the article. Strange and irrational thinking - enough to derail you - but still tethered to reality.

crazylo - You had a creative delusion. I don't know if you write or not, but that would make a great story! (Or book, if you added stuff.)

LOL! Funny you should say that because I was actually already thinking about turning it into a story, too! I am a writer and an artist.

The same delusion is starting to come back already, and it's becoming more and more complex. I don't understand why while I'm in the hospital the delusions and everything else will quickly go away...and then as soon as I come back home all the bad stuff returns quicker than the last time.

If you weren't a writer I was going to ask you if I could steal those ideas for my own writing. Lol!!

It sucks. Paranoia is the worse. My delusions are always simple (well, the grandiose one). Make more positive energy, save world. It was starting to come back, even if I'm not in an episode, but I think the geodon is starting to chip away at all my paranoia and delusional stuff.

You may feel worse when you leave the hospital because at home there are all sorts of reminders. Like before I left the hospital last my husband picked up my writing area for me because there was collage tornado everywhere. And that would have been triggering. Maybe get rid of or reorganize or change something in your home that triggers paranoid memories, things related to your delusion (like I had wall to wall collages and eventually had to take them all down).

When I'm in the hospital we are not allowed to listen to music unless it is part of group therapy. So when I come home....my being especially obsessed with music for the past few months...I immediately start listening to music again practically 24/7. Which perhaps that is a trigger for me. But how does one avoid music? I don't really want to avoid music. Like right now I'm listening to my iPod and for the past few hours I've had one of the greatest musical experiences of my life...I can hear every single part of each song and not just the song as a whole...it's like my mind slows down the song so I can hear every sound, ring, beat, percussion, and overall the music is extremely enhanced almost like when I smoke a lot of weed and I'm completely aware of every little everything. But anyway it's extremely enjoyable at the moment and I don't want it to stop...but I know eventually I'll start to get paranoid and have a lot of anxiety. It's weird how parts of my psychosis is good and most parts of it are bad, but the parts of it that are good are so great that I am completely and utterly devoted to it and the music.

Another trigger is probably caffeine. And staying up all night. Probably!