[NuckingFutz]

I met a woman online that I got curious about. We were texting. She didn't like to talk on the phone, so it was texting and im'ing in fb. She told me about her exes. I don't know if talking about your exes is an appropriate conversation, it didn't seem like it to me. She told me one of them was bipolar and that's why they broke up. Boy, maybe I should have stopped the "getting to know you process right there".

I finally got to meet her though. She has a lot of good qualities, but I felt really judged by her. She made herself at home without my saying "make yourself at home" which I've never experienced before. I felt that was rude. I overlooked it thinking that she had really bad social skills. But she really had some comments to say.

The first few hours were okay. She liked my dogs. I apologized for the apartment kinda being messy. Everything was clean except for a few dishes in the sink and my bathroom trash had trash in it.

After a few hours, she couldn't stand my dogs and had no problem telling me. I do have a cat and she would get annoyed when he made scratching noises in his litter box.

She never said please or thank you to anything (and I bought dinner and wine).

She turned on the tv and just started watching the Food network. Who does that on a first date? How are 2 people able to get to know eachother while watching tv and talking at the same time.

She was also dishonest with me about being a smoker, smoking pot and drinking (and I mean drinking). I think there were 3 empty wine bottles and I only had 1 glass.

I'm a really sensitive person and just about everything thing she said/didn't say really hit a nerve with me.

At the end of the date (yes, there were wine bottles and stuff on the kitchen counter where the pizza was).

The biggest issue that I had was that she didn't like bipolar people and I didn't tell her I was bipolar...I guess I didn't tell her because at that point, I didn't feel okay telling her I was because she said that.

I will not see this woman again. She is bad news.

I just don't know why I almost always get the people who drink/smoke pot even if I mention in my profile no drugs, drinking, smoking.

I am very tired tonight and not making a whole lot of sense.

You dodged a bullet. She sounds like a mess.

[CopperStar]

I consider it a red flag if someone starts talking about their exes to you early on. To me it's a sign that they are still focused on the past and not yet ready to move onward. Just agreeing with you that it's not quite appropriate first date material. Well at the very least it's awkward.

I personally never bring up my past issues, mental health issues, etc with people until after I have had some time to get to know them. I don't want to come across as like I want them to pity me (because I hate that), and I also want a chance to show them basically "this is me" and not, "Hi my name is MENTAL ILLNESS." Combination of those two factors.

Also you never know what that ex of hers was really about. Some people engage in bad, abusive behaviors and then try to use the pity play and claim to have mental illness when they don't, making a bad name for and creating misunderstanding about those of us who do have mental illness. I actually knew a guy a couple years ago who claimed to have bipolar disorder and didn't have medication for it. But he was actually just an ***hole. Lying all the time, passive-aggressive, trash talking everyone behind their backs, manipulative, just slimy. Never seemed to have any bipolar-specific symptoms to me. But he sure loved to blame it on BP whenever someone called him out on the slimy behaviors.

[Keegan2015]

Wow, that sounds like a mess. Glad you're not planning on seeing her again!

[Capriciousness]

Geez maybe her Bipolar boyfriend broke up with HER!

What a very convenient excuse she gets to use. Blame it on the Bipolar. I bet HE couldn't handle HER.

It's annoying how people think that it is always us Bipolars who have the monopoly and being nuts. We are cool people with a legit issue that we work on. Some nonBipolars are seriously out of order.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I think it's got to be a tough issue to figure out the right time to tell someone you're interested in. I didn't have to do that, because I wasn't dx with bipolar until nearly 10 years into our marriage. My husband has been super supportive, but I've felt (even before the bp, when I knew I struggled with depression but didn't recognize the hypo) that it was unfair to him to have to deal with a lot of my instability and unpredictability. After my bp dx, it was hard on me feeling like he married into far more than he bargained for. I wish I had known before hand that I had this and had both some experience of how to work with it on my own and a fair representation to give him of what it would be like for him and things he might have to contend with or help with. I felt like he wasn't able to have both eyes open getting into this marriage, since I didn't even have both eyes open.

Sometimes I have a more forgiving view of it all. He definitely helps with that. But if I had it to do over again and I knew what I do now, I don't know when would have been the right time to have that conversation. I agree with CopperStar - it's certainly not something to bring up on the first few dates. But there's a lot of very personal information I wouldn't introduce in the early days - I would want to know there's some sort of potential for a relationship, and I'd want to really get a feel for the kind of person I'm seeing. There would need to be a lot of trust there for me first.

Sounds like you didn't need more than 1 date with this woman to get a good feel for the kind of person she is. Jupiter3 has it perfectly - you seriously dodged a bullet. Hope your next date is with someone lovely!

[Trippin2.0]

I'm so sorry that lady bombed out (and yes, bullet firmly dodged) but I AM SO GLAD to see you here again old friend


Stigma's a biyotch, idk how you guys deal with it. Just hearing about it makes me cringe, and at the same time it makes me feel really grateful that I've never had to deal with it.


I don't blame you for being fed up of the stigma and dishonesty NF, it must be exhausting to wade through the bullshyt.


Ps. She IMO, did come across as rude, extremely forward, and definitely dishonest. So even if you had a chance at changing her mind about BP, she'd still be a waste of your time.


Better luck with the next lady

RUN RUN RUN!!! Soooo glad you did!! Good call (putting it mildly!) You are right, talking about exs is not apppropriate, and even more than that is a red flag. Various incidents say...,whiny, always blaming other people, lying, way entitled (do just as she pleases, not to be questioned, want something, therefore takes, assumption of dominance...). These are you *some* of the "treats" her behavior indictates! Not to mention lack of respect and/or disregard for others.

[~Christina]

Nice to see you

I read that thinking .. Okay shes a rude bitter unhappy person... I think many people have met her and run the other way as fast as possible, and rightfully so.

As for dating with Bipolar.. I don't think it needs to even be talked about until you have had to time to get to know someone and you them. Most everyone is on there best behavior in the early days , well besides that creature.

There's no set amount of dates to where you need to disclose. Personally I think before bedroom activities were to happen is a good guideline but that's just my train of thought.