When to go IP

At what point do you know you need IP?

********************HUGE TRIGGER*****************


Ive had suicide ideation off and on for a week. I haven't really slept in two days. I realize its common and IP isn't really a requirement for this. I get it off and on all the time. But this time Ive done something a little dangerous and very unlike myself.

I see my T tomorrow and Im terrified to talk about whats been going on and what Ive done. I put myself in danger and I cant promise that Im safe right now. If it was just me, I wouldn't be so reluctant to go IP but I hate disappointing and explaining to my family. They don't and never will understand. My sister says I seek hospitalizations but that's not true at ALL. I don't enjoy it but Ive gone when I needed to or per a Dr/T advice.

My t promised never to send me somewhere unless I couldn't keep myself safe. Im not sure if this falls under that or not. Its not my gun but I know how to get it, easily.

I don't know what to expect from my T visit tomorrow and Im frightened. I trust him but Im afraid to be open about this crap. I will do my best to tell him everything. If I called phone coaching today I know she would say to go to an ER but I don't want to do that.

Im so lost.

First thing is to say everything. Do you feel like you could do something rash again? Even though you think you might not act on it right now, could you possibly in a moment of bad judgement? All it takes is a second. Look at Robin Williams. I think it's always better to be safe than sorry. Screw the family and their opinions. I know as a mom and sister I would much rather someone go IP (whether or not I think they are attention seeking or not) than to have something happen because you were worried about my opinion. Hugs to you!

I will talk to my T tomorrow and get it all out. I will do what he thinks I should. Im just afraid to talk about it. I know they've heard it all and blah blah but Ive never done something like this and Im ashamed of myself and how I feel and think.

I am impulsive. When I OD the two times...I wasn't afraid. And I wasn't afraid this morning either. I have to hide this from my family They don't understand. They were supposed to go on a trip and me be alone this week but it fell through so I have to pretend Im ok.

HALLIE!!!!!

Not sure whether or not you are safe = NOT SAFE

I don't think you are lost. I think you know what you need to do. I think you know what you want to do.

**** everybody else, Hallie! It isn't their life to lose....it isn't their agitated sleepless nights...it isn't their pain. They don't UNDERSTAND

You can't risk your one and only life because some other people don't understand.

That is not cool of your sister to say that. She is wrong.

You know what to do!

I couldn't have said it better!

My T will help me. Idk how but he will

Hi Hallie,

Sorry you are suffering. What's the longest you've ever stayed IP? What about partial hospitalization? IOP? Good luck!

moogs

Sounds like you already know you need to go IP. Do that for yourself. Don't concern yourself with other people's reactions right now. Concern yourself with what you need to do to be safe and get better.

The longest Ip was two weeks then 10 days PHP and 10 days IOP

Im gonna sleep tonight and see how I feel tomorrow.

You know my opinions and thoughts

I value them greatly. I wrote this before we spoke.

After a long and uncomfortable t visit it's been decided I'll go up to a crisis unit.

We talked about me staying home and contracting for safety but I just couldn't so he suggested I go

That is awesome Hallie. i know that sounds like weird thing to say here. but i am really impressed by you. you are being very self aware, responsible, and brave.

tons and tons of hugs

It was SO hard. I was crying and he teared up too and was worried.

He had me pinky promise to be safe til I get to ip

You deserve peace of mind. I know you can find it and I pray you find it here. This will be so good for you!

hallie, going IP was the best thing I ever did for myself when I was in a bad place. and yes, its scary and you have a lot in your mind. its going to be okay hon and everyone here is behind you. best of luck hallie!

If you're questioning whether or not to go IP, that's when it's time to go. So glad you're doing the best thing for yourself.

When are you going? I'll miss ya

I'm here now. It's a crisis unit set in a house. I'm a "resident" were allowed to have our phones during the day.

Hope you're OK, been thinking about you.

Get well soon!

Hallie, I'm so glad you made the decision to seek treatment. They let you have phones during the day?! Wow! Sounds like a nice place. The only time I was in IP the staff were total nazis and wouldn't let us have access to any electronics (which sucked big time). Please keep us updated and let us know how you're doing.

Thsnks. I'm doing ok. I'd really love to gave an ice cold coke right now