As I have been trying to educate myself fanatically since my diagnosis, a lot of people seem to really grasp the different phases (mania, hypo, etc.), and are able to grasp when they are taking place.

For those that do, I am curious if you were aware before your dx or has it been a learning process since your dx. I also have curiousity about whether life has improved because of being able to comprehend the different phases in regards to your own life.

I guess the reason for my curiousity is because of my mid 40's dx and how overwhelmed I have been. With 18 months of treatment behind me, I feel as though my team hasn't even scratched the surface yet, and I'm losing hope quick and fast. I cannot focus on any one idea to help improve my life, I am as confused as ever, impatient, and am getting fed up with myself yet again just as before my dx.

Perhaps a good way to describe my brain 99% of the time, is that it's like a tornado constantly spinning with ideas to improve my happiness. When I was younger, I would pick one and go for it. Now, to not add insult to injury, rather than pick one I prefer to wait for one to jump out of the vortex of my mind to go for. However, due to being at poverty level, most of the ideas are not realistic. So, I don't have many ways to improve my life, which would improve my happiness, which makes me more miserable each passing day of my life.

So it's back to where I've been so many times. Why do I continue to wake and consume precious goods that others need and deserve, and continue to suffer? Or, did I go way too many years untreated for my brain to recover?

[gayleggg]

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 33 and wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until I was 49. And I really didn't handle the bipolar well at all prior to diagnosis. I was just one wild and crazy girl when I was manic and thankful that i wasn't depressed. However, after being diagnosed and realizing the havoc it had had on my life, it really helped when they were able to get me on the proper meds.

I still struggle with the depression quite often but at least I'm not destroying my life.

I have racing thoughts when I'm anxious and those suck. I hope they can find something to help alleviate those for you.

There is hope so don't give up. It is possible for you to feel good again.

[LettinG0]

With research and self-education, I had a pretty good idea that I was on the bipolar spectrum for a few years before I was officially diagnosed..(with hindsight I was able to look back and see some obvious patterns)..but I still never seemed to see any of the episodes up or down coming...

I was officially diagnosed last fall (at 50) because I ended up IP due to severe depression.

Since that time I have worked diligently to try to gauge my moods and track them. I am not having a lot of luck recognizing them coming on yet but at least I am becoming more aware of where I actually am.

I think it takes years of self-awareness to learn your cycles and their pre-emptors.....

I understand how the lack of money can make things seem worse (financial stress is a huge trigger for me) but please continue to know that you have value and you will find that thing that improves your life...

hugs!

[Moogieotter]

Hey,

Sorry you are suffering. I was Dx'd at 38, but did not get serious w treatment until 39 and it really took 2 years to find stability. What treatment have you tried and are trying now?

PM me if you want.

moogs

[CopperStar]

I focus on little things or scale down when needed.

For example I really like aromatherapy and bathing, at least when I'm not in a bad episode. I can't afford to make my own luxury items, and I can't afford to buy whatever I want. But I can pinpoint my favorite fragrances and look for them in the store. I can afford incense, which is generally cheap, and get a lot of fragrance from that.

IME lots of little things can add up to a more enjoyable daily experience.

[Trippin2.0]

I knew I was wired differently long before my dx.


I remember the exact sui episode that sealed my conviction at age 15.


That's when I knew I was a crazy b!tch and accepted it.


My parents dismissed my concerns though, so I only got dxd at age 25 when my world caved in.


These are the steps I've followed to improve my life.


* Besides educating myself on BP in general, I familiarized myself with my particular breed of the bipolar beast.


I'm naturally super introspective, so getting acquainted with her wasn't too hard for me.


* Acceptance, I accepted my beast as real and as an intrinsic part of me. Why, well one, denial feels stupid to me personally because its pointless, and I'm all about results. Two, if its just another facet of me, I don't feel defective, and don't think in a defective defeated type of manner.

No its not a think happy thoughts and unicorns will shyt rainbows upon you type deal. It's perspective.


When I focused on being ill, I was ill. All.the.time.


Since I'm back to being wired differently, I'm just a regular fabulous nut job that has to make concessions for being me.


* Along with coping skills I adopted healthy hedonism, which I learned here. I have a list of treat, free or otherwise that are just for me, that I indulge in when im short circuiting. Lol One of those things I am super consistent with, down time to recharge and recalibrate. Me time. Just me.


* Last but certainly not least, I figured out that my work history sucked balls because I have 2 speeds, fast or off. Which means I overwork myself, reach burn out from the stress, have a meltdown and then quit. Takes about 3 months for that to run its course.


So I decided to go povo until I can find an in between speed.

I drastically reduced the amount of hours I work, opted to do less demanding work (while still mentally challenging enough to keep me engaged) and obviously taken a huge pay cut to accomplish this. Its been a full year at my current job and I'm not only ready to go full time, but I may also be up for a promotion.


So basically that has been my strategy,. Its not a simple path or process, but it is worth figuring out.

I wish you the best of luck on your own journey

[~Christina]

I sent you a PM